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THE CONFESSIONS OF 
AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


BY CLAYTON LEMARS 


CHICAGO: 

THE SCHULTE PUBLISHING COMPANY 

883-325 DEARBORN STREET 


By Schulte Publishing Company 







CN^5L_£2li^ V 


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PEEFACE. 


Shortly after the astounding news of Mr. Le- 
mars^ death was given to the world, I hurried to 
his home, fearful that some demon of despair had 
induced him to leave compromising documents 
somewhere this side of the safe refuge of a fire. I 
found everything in perfect order. The careful, 
systematic habit of his life had remained with him 
up to the door of death. His fortune is intact, and 
is judiciously disposed. It will do a great deal of 
good. 

Knowing him well, I am certain he did a great 
deal of good while living. He never told about it, 
but I am one of a very large circle who can testify 
to scores of noble acts performed by him in secret. 
Many and many a time his kindness of heart has 
been evidenced in ways which left no possibility of 
charging him with a sinister or a selfish motive. 
His nobility went to the extent of a chivalrous care 
for woman; and many a girl whose foolish heart lay 
in his hand thanks him in tears to-day that she has 
lived unspotted of sin. 

He was as honest as the sun. His word was as 
good as gold. I would rather have him for a friend 
5 


6 


PREFACE 


than any man I knew. And yet I was aware of 
much which he has recounted here. 

Do not think my information came through ad- 
missions or boastings of Clayton Lemars. He 
would have died on the wheel before so shabby an 
intimation could have been forced from him. Yet, 
the life he lived left certain evidences here and 
there, and men familiar with life — social and polit- 
ical — understood, but said nothing. 

And yet I am amazed at the ^^Confession.’^ I am 
sure that from the bottom of his heart he wished his 
country well, and that he believed the whole awful 
truth would startle his countrymen from a lethargy 
which nothing else could disturb. Because I know 
he wished this book published, I have followed his 
express direction, and given it to the world — from 
the first to the last line, just as he wrote it. I have 
not altered a word. 

And if the ^^Confessions of an American Citi- 
zen” shall convince the American people that it is 
high time to turn from the evils truly though 
boldly depicted, then my friend Clayton Lemars 
will have done the thing which above all he would 
have desired. Phelan Phelps. 

Washington, D. C., May 13, 1898. 


CONFESSIONS OF AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


PKELUDE. 

The light is dimly burning. It is almost out. 
It is flickering, now withering. The flame of my 
life is dimly burning, and, like the light, it will 
flicker awhile and then go out. I shall turn to the 
balcony and get fresh air. I shall watch the stars 
overhead and read the pages of my past by their 
divine illumination. The blasts of wind come up 
from the south, and a little mist of rain mingles. 
I feel the moisture now. Darkness is everywhere. 
The world is passing on a black charger. See the 
flecks of foam as they lash the horizon. I cannot 
see whither he goes. God! can I be losing my 
sight? 

Shall I sleep? Shall I think? Nay, I shall per- 
ish. Would this task were over, for then I might 
end this dull business of living. For men! And 
what concern have I of men and their affairs? Oh, 
but I have resolved! 

Forgetfulness, ah no, I cannot forget. Silence, 
silence everywhere! The air scorches my brain! 

7 


8 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


Shall I write this drama with all these eyes peering 
in at me? Will this tortured imagination hear up 
under it until the end? I think it will not. I am 
determined to try. Impressionless as adamant; 
fierce as the steely hooks of Hell^ why should I 
fear? Great God! what thoughts a monster demon 
like me may have. 

Did I say think? No, it was the fiash of the 
hideous past. Give me no memory. I want noth- 
ing hut forgetfulness. Earth, air, man, heast, cow- 
ard! Did God create all of these? Did He create 
me with the evil that is mine? Yes, there is a God. 
An actual God. A being awful, powerful. He who 
owns space. Heaven and Hell! Yes, God, the au- 
thor of all unseen, known, visible, invisible, good 
and evil. Then He is answerable for every atom in 
this world, even for the evil ones. Can evil be hap- 
piness? Can good be unhappiness? Who can say 
I have not been happy though I have sinned and 
suffered as well? 

Away with this incoherency; it concerns only me. 
And who am I? Listen, while I have a word with 
you — dear old society, hypocritical old world. 

I am about to go into the past. It will be a 
journey of only a few hours. I invite you. Do you 
care to go with me? Then stay away. I shall 
make you shudder probably. I shall tell you that I 
was once honest, maybe virtuous. Eemember, I 
saw this wild, untamed world, and went into it. Its 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


9 


seductive delirium enchanted me^ and made my 
brain whirl. Then, in all the glare of its footlights, 
I became a first-nighter. Why should I not go be- 
hind the scenes? Why not then into the secret pre- 
cincts of the dressing-room? The sights, they were 
bewildering. Conscience and passion went down. 
There was a terrible contest; and why should pas- 
sion not survive, since conscience could hide from 
the world and passion be satisfied? 

You say I sinned? Yes, but the world did not 
know it. And why should not I, since countless 
millions were sinning that very hour, and not a 
prayer was heard save that of the hypocrite and 
the thief? They prayed; but who shall say their 
prayers reached the heavenly home? 

Thousands this moment judge me a patriot. 
Some count me the leader of the common people. 
But ah, how little I am really known! The world 
will soon forget me, and no one will mourn my 
absence. It may have a contempt for me then be- 
cause I have concerned myself to write this his- 
tory of my existence. But the world has no 
greater contempt for me than I have for the world. 
I tell you I started out with thousands of beautiful 
ideas. I loved my country. I could have died for 
her sake. My heart welled with patriotism as I 
saw the pestilence produced by poverty; the degra- 
dation of the masses; the iron heel of monopoly 
placed on the helpless necks of the millions of toil- 


10 


THE CONFESSIONS OE 


ing; naked babes at the breasts of starving moth- 
ers; fathers with faces blackened by the soot of the 
furnace, bowed down in toil for a loaf of bread. 

My heart was a fire of sympathy; my brain fairly 
burned with the duty I felt was imposed on me. 
But it is different now. I went into the game, and 
the gamesters met me. What if 1 say these grand 
ideas, these noble impulses, have preceded me to 
the grave ? What if I say they were sucked from my 
brain through the thirst of my body? What if I 
say this glittering mass of human beings by their 
moral decomposition and national decay justify me 
in stripping my life bare and inviting their con- 
tempt? What is it? It is nothing — a lie, a worm 
unsightly, a poison that is deadly to the smell. 
That is all. He who hath it, hath much honor. 

I shall write my condenmation as darkly as now 
appears my doom. Shall I cry out in my madness 
because of this pain; this dreariness of the world’s 
way and mine own? To whom? To Him — ^no! I 
would not be answered. It is not in the province 
of my heart. I shall ask human nature to take 
heed of my passing and give judgment on my 
going. That will be enough. It matters not, for I 
will be dead then. 

But if you think my picture not true, then look 
on this one, painted by the master hand of your 
model man, your accepted artist — William Dean 
Howells: 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


11 


X. 

‘T looked and saw a splendid pageantry 
Of beautiful women and of lordly men, 

Taking tbeir pleasure in a flowery plain, 

Where poppies and the red anemone. 

And the many another leaf of cramoisy 
Flickered about their feet, and gave their stain 
To heels of iron or satin, and the grain 
Of silken garments floating far and free. 

As in the dance they wove themselves, or strayed 
By twos together, or lightly smiled and bowed. 

Or courtesied to each other, or else played 
At games of mirth and pastime, unafraid 
In their delight; and all so high and proud, 

They seemed scarce of the earth whereon they trod. 


II. 

“I looked again and saw that flowery space 
Stirring, as if alive, beneath the tread 
That rested now upon an old man’s head. 

And now upon a baby’s gasping face. 

Or mother’s bosom, or the rounding grace 
Of a girl’s throat; and what had seemed the red 
Of flowers was blood, in gouts and gushes shed 
From hearts that broke under that frolic pace. 

And now and then from out the dreadful floor 
An arm or brow was lifted from the rest. 

As if to strike in madness, or implore 
For mercy; and anon some suffering breast 
Heaved from the mass and sank; and as before 
The revelers above them thronged and pressed." 


CHAPTEE I. 


I MEET NELLIE LAND. 

Nellie Land was a beautiful girl who, though 
flattered, had not arrived at the age when woman 
deems flattery entirely necessary to happy residence 
in the world. While she could not be said to be of 
that retiring disposition considered by some 
prudish persons as necessary to an attractive 
woman’s wardrobe of manners, she was neither a 
bold girl nor given to indiscretions. She possessed 
that quick style of speech and action, with a confi- 
dential manner, so entertaining to an intellectual 
man. She had a handsome flgure, an attractive 
carriage. She had a very fair complexion, with 
small tints on her cheeks; beautiful hazel eyes, that 
wandered tenderly after you. She looked most in- 
nocent, albeit she gave you now and then a mis- 
chievous glance. Her hair was heavy, and of that 
light brown that seems streaked with golden 
strands. She had been carefully educated. Though 
not of that intellectual type of woman so tiresome 
to the thinker, she was well adapted to a pleasant 
parlance duel, even for the merriment of listeners. 
She had just graduated from Brokeby College, and 
was glad to enter a life of gayety; for, if Nashville 
be anything, it is the home of musicals, theaters, 
12 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


13 


dances, receptions, teas and recitals. She was not 
only a willing participant, but a worshiper of those 
beautiful gayeties, so full of the evil clover leaf, so 
rife with the affairs that concern our destiny. What 
they had in store for Nellie Land we shall see. 

This evening there danced, to the music of Gaw- 
tell, the beauty and talent of Nashville at Shallow- 
craft, the home of bachelor Phelan Phelps and his 
sister, Anna Godfre. Nellie had returned from 
the dressing-room. She wore a black silk evening 
gown, and as she raised her hand, sparkling with 
solitaires, to her hair, and smiled in the face of her 
escort, no wonder he exulted in her marvelous 
beauty. 

Yet something was lacking in her warm and im- 
pulsive nature, and though she had often prayed to 
be happy, she knew she was not. She counseled her 
mind and was sure there was no visible cause. She 
did not know. To all women who come and pass 
in the world, it is love. 

Love — yes, that must have been the echo in the 
heart of Nellie Land. To love some one, and de- 
vour his time and opportunities, was the desire 
stirring the heart of this simple child, as it is the 
first chapter and the epilogue of every woman’s life. 

No wonder, as she looked in and spied the hand- 
some form of Maxwell Harold waltzing with Fanny 
Pope, the pride of Nashville, she thought him a 
man worthy of any woman. Tall, graceful and 


14 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


lithe^ he was the beau ideal; and happy should any 
woman be to possess him. He was gifted and hap- 
pily situated in life. 

^Thelan, here is her former elfship, grown into 
full bloom, and just out of college — woman^s col- 
lege at that. You remember our little friend Nel- 
lie Land.” 

^Tardon me, as of old. Miss Nellie,” said Phelan. 

have been looking for you a half hour. I wanted 
you to lead this german with a young friend of 
mine. A handsome, brilliant fellow; just elected to 
the Tennessee House. He has promised a stay at 
Shallowcraft; and he is so charming I am sure you 
will thank the hour you knew so clever a man as 
Phelan Phelps.” 

^Tndeed, Mr. Phelps, I am sure I could enjoy the 
dance with any friend of yours. I am so glad to 
see you. How have you been?” 

^^You know,” he began, but broke off hurriedly. 
^^Miss Land, allow me the pleasure. My friend Mr. 
Lemars — Mr. Clayton Lemars — Miss Nellie Land. 
You will excuse me now.” 

^^You are very kind to me, Mr. Phelps, and yet 
most unkind. Anon I will explain,” said she, 
laughingly, as he hurried away. 

I had heard much of her beauty, and I was not 
astonished when suddenly, after this bit of repartee, 
she turned her hazel eyes, so keen and penetrating, 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


15 


upon me. Her face was so fair^ her eyes like dia- 
monds sparkling. 

am so happy to know you^ Mr. Lemars. One 
meets so many common faces that one individual 
acquaintance with a little history is as charming 
as it is original.^^ 

^^You do not wish to destroy the good opinion 
I had already formed of you^ Miss Land^ I hope. 
Flattery was not, I judged, one of your accomplish- 
ments.’^ 

^^You allow no one to he sincere,” she laughed. 
^^Mr. Phelps has told me all about you, and about 
a novel you are writing.” She looked frankly into 
my face. Ah, woman, if you would storm the 
citadel and take the man, teach him you appreciate 
stories of himself and things that have concerned 
his life. 

shall not come up to the session. Miss Land, 
until I have finished the story. And then 

She interrupted me by breaking in charmingly. 
I fancied I could taste the sweetness of her breath. 

^^Mr. Lemars, is yours a story of love? Pray tell 
it to me. Won’t you?” 

Strange as it may seem, though I had been with 
her but a few moments, I could then have put my 
arm about her and told her of tlie love springing 
into my heart. I could have kissed those innocent 
rosy lips, brushed back those brown curls that hung 
carelessly about her ears and told her a tale of love. 


16 


THE CONFESSIONS 


^^You know/’ she continued, cry when I read 
love stories. My heart gets sick, and then well 
again. Now be good, and tell me about your story 
before the dance.” 

^^Clayton Lemars! Come here, if you are to lead 
this german,” said Marshall Palmer. So we to- 
gether walked into the hall. So beautiful was she, 
and so unconscious of it all! I was tired of the ball 
already. I longed to take this dear woman on my 
arm and go away to some quiet place and tell her 
my story of love. 

I should have changed it and she should have 
been my heroine. I lost her to others after this 
dance, and did not talk to her again until about two 
o’clock, when we found each other seated side by 
side in the dining-hall; and both of us so disre- 
garding propriety as to be eating most heartily. 
She was so encouraging, I could not resist talking 
of things I thought might interest her. Art, liter- 
ature, travel, society and politics received passing 
attention. I looked into her beautiful face — how 
often! After these years of sorrow I can testify to 
the perfection of my recollection in this most im- 
portant event of my life. 


CHAPTEK II. 


EAELY TEAKS IN WASHINGTON. 

It must not be supposed that up to this time I 
had had no experience with the easy side of society; 
for before I was graduated from Yale I had van- 
quished two men on a question of honor. Woman 
was responsible for each of the hazardous transac- 
tions. I had also been a resident of Washington 
City for nearly three years, and was therefore ac- 
quainted with the corrupt social life of our nation’s 
capital. It happened my associates there were cer- 
tain distinguished members of the United States 
Senate. I had held a sinecure under the chief 
clerk of the Senate, with a good salary attached. 

As I can now have no motive for nursing and 
nurturing my vanity, I may be pardoned for assign- 
ing myself a first-rate place in the affections of 
other people. I have accounted for my popularity 
and sudden elevation among men and women, the 
most distinguished in our country, by a bit of phi- 
losophy. A perfect man would probably be consid- 
ered a man of great courage, of elegance, of enthu- 
siasm and of greatness of soul. Fo man in history 
or fiction has possessed all these qualities. Nature 
seems unwilling to bestow them all upon one man. 

George Washington possessed greatness of soul 

17 


18 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


and courage, but he lacked much of elegance, and 
had little, if any, enthusiasm. Napoleon possessed 
great enthusiasm and courage, but he was certainly 
deficient in the other two qualifications. Bucking- 
ham had courage and elegance. Louis the Four- 
teenth had elegance and enthusiasm, but was to- 
tally deficient in greatness of soul. The greatest 
characters in history had never even three of them 
prominently developed. 

Alexandre Dumas, in his masterpiece, ^^The 
Three Musketeers,’^ endows D’Artagnan with su- 
perior courage, Porthos with enthusiasm, Aramis 
with elegance and Athos with greatness of soul. 
However, none of them is wanting in courage — the 
courage of loyalty and to fight the King’s battles. 
Athos had them all to some extent except enthusi- 
asm. D’Artagnan, something of them all except 
elegance. Aramis had no greatness of soul what- 
ever; and if Porthos had greatness of soul it was 
merged into universal regard for his stomach. 

I had elegance, and something others regarded 
as courage. I had enthusiasm, and played great- 
ness of soul. But in reality I possessed nothing in 
a marked degree except elegance. Yet I can easily ^ 
understand the early favor into which I climbed. 
By some I was regarded as a man of genius, but I 
had only become a man of the world. 

I had drawn my glass and had looked over the 
field of life. I concluded, after a careful survey 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


19 


of its tall afflictions and low pleasures^ it was not 
BO much a question of what one does in life as the 
manner in which one does it. It cannot he strange, 
therefore, that I laid my plans with some degree of 
shrewdness; and I was remarkably successful. 

One of my friends in that period was the young 
wife of a millionaire — a fossil of fossils in the Sen- 
ate. His wife was a luxury for which he readily 
paid. Another — dear girl — came from an Eastern 
city to be introduced to Washington society. She 
invested in a splendid residence and in servants 
and carriages galore. She went into the giddy 
throng, and turned her millions to reasonable ac- 
count. She had, as race parlance runs, a good way 
of going, and she developed speed of a high order. 
I taught her, during her submission to my tutelage, 
to rate well and always go careful and steady. 

She is still at home to her friends in a magnifi- 
cent residence in Washington, and there is no per- 
son in this great country who would be received 
this evening with less formality and with greater 
affection than would I. The wife of our friend the 
Senator we shall meet again. 

Are you startled at this revelation? Then I will 
make you mad if you follow my footfalls through 
life. 

I looked upon the romance of my time and be- 
came no sentiment-lover. I remembered my early 
position. Ambition said: ^Take heed thou and 


20 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


compass the trials of life. Win fame and glory in 
the councils of your country.’^ Dame Nature said: 

have given thee the form of nobility. I have 
carved for thee a face and countenance worthy of 
high aims and great triumphs. I have given thee 
health, and a matured intellect at twenty. I have 
done much for thee. I shall expect much in re- 
turn.^^ 

I thought myself a tolerable man, and that I 
might become brilliant. I have said that I did not 
wonder at my sudden popularity in that city of 
false pride and unhappy homes. I was dressed by 
the best tailors. I could speak several languages; 
French readily. I danced well, and people thought 
well of me as a recitationist and imitator. I always 
tried to make others happy, and especially those 
who seemed to be neglected. I could make a good 
after-dinner speech, and was sought after in the 
great salons of that city of receptions, teas and at- 
homes. 

Every man has a soliloquy. I had mine. I was 
admonished to take care of myself. I resolved to 
do so. Upon one hand were robbing schemes. 
Politicians were bought by agencies of Wall Street, 
and promoted on committees by the influence of the 
clique they represented. A political party was pre- 
tending to revise the tariff and give relief to the 
mass of Americans. Its own members often pro- 
fessed contrary views in order that they might re- 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


21 


ceive a bid from monopolists. A party represented 
monopoly, and when monopoly refused to pay the 
price demanded party men joined the ranks of the 
enemy, that they might be surer of being bought 
again. 

Monopoly had a hand in the affairs of the press. 
It choked the avenues of enlightening dissemina- 
tion everywhere. Honor was stifled and Freedom 
was murdered in the house of its friends. I had 
come from the masses. Why should I not relieve 
the vast suffering of the people? I faltered, and I 
was damned. My patriotism suffered death at that 
hour. I determined there was a part for me. The 
opportunity captured me, and a willing captive 
was I. I determined to go into the brokerage 
business — buying influence on commission. 

Three years of revel, of fast life, and one hun- 
dred and fifty thousand dollars! If generally 
known at the time it would have commanded uni- 
versal applause and made me the envied hero of 
the day. Remember that I consecrated my life to 
success, and left honor to die. 

Man has been civilized over and over, but he is 
as great a savage as ever. Rather try to lessen the 
ocean by taking from it a drop of water than try to 
civilize man. Contentment is what he wants; brut- 
ishness and nudity. A state of perfect and absolute 
freedom from the binding laws of the civilized 
world. Looking back over the shadow of my life, 


22 


THE CONFESSIONS 


for it is nothing more, I see the triumphs and tears. 
I hear the cheap cynicism, the dawdling claims of 
society, the hypocritical teachings of the present- 
day Church, and I ask God, poor wretch that I am, 
to pity my country. 


CHAPTEK III. 


MAXWELL HAROLD. 

I remained several days at Shallowcraft, the 
guest of my friend Phelan Phelps. He was about 
forty years of age, and a lawyer of State reputation 
— he had been Attorney-General. He was a man of 
the world; a good clubman, and, withal, attentive 
to a legacy his father had left him. He was one of 
my admirers, and a faithful friend until the end. 
A great lawyer, he naturally saw my defects, which 
he attributed to my youth. He was not a hand- 
some man, but very attractive in his manners, and 
had a charm of speech most winning. He knew I 
spent money freely, and wondered doubtless 
whence came my supplies; but he was too true, and 
withal too much of a gentleman, to inquire about it. 

Maxwell Harold of Kentucky came to see him 
in reference to the passage of a general anti-gam- 
bling bill which was certain to be proposed in the 
coming Legislature. He was the representative of 
some Kentucky horsemen who considered the pro- 
posed legislation adverse to the horse industry 
throughout the country. They did not go amiss 
in their selection, for Maxwell Harold was, though 
a very young man, a thorough lover of the horse, 
an able lawyer and a trained gentleman. 

23 


24 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


He interested me. It was seldom a man did that. 
I had seen the celebrities of the world, and had met 
all classes of men known to fame. I was familiar 
with the characteristics of most of our public men 
who acted in a representative capacity. There was 
something so indifferent, yet simple and approach- 
able, in this man, I wished to know more of him. I 
drank my claret, therefore, and invited him to call 
on me should I be able to assist him in any way. I 
might probably have some influence, and would 
represent him in this matter. He secured from me 
then a tacit promise that I would assist him. in de- 
feating this legislation. 

The strange part of it all was that I felt anxious 
to put this man under obligation to me. I prided 
myself on the fact that I knew the price of most 
representatives in a body like the Tennessee Legis- 
lature, and I understood perfectly on which side to 
approach each man. I was relied on to secure the 
necessary number of votes to kill the anti-horse bill 
after it should emerge from its first reading. 

Maxwell Harold was born in Louisville, Ky., and 
educated for the ministry, although he afterward 
became devoted to the legal profession. He was at 
this time a leader at the Fayette County bar, had 
been a member of the Kentucky House of Eepre- 
sentatives, and refused a nomination for Congress. 
There was a slow melody in the sounding of his 
words and he had a sympathetic face — ^full of pas- 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


25 


sion, of hatred and of love. And his face expressed 
much of the Ufe of the man. He was fond of so- 
ciety. His repartee was admired, and his excellent 
humor was one of the many attractions of his char- 
acter. He could dance well, and was fond particu- 
larly of the waltz. He was a man that observers 
would have called ordinary. French fiction would 
have called him a balanced genius. He had great- 
ness of soul, courage and elegance; he lacked only 
enthusiasm. He had to do with me afterward, and 
in more ways than one. 

If the prayers of a sincere penitent avail any- 
thing, God will forgive me the injustice I have done 
this man, knowing that he came between me and 
the woman I loved. His name is written in letters 
of fire on my heart. I read it on the heavens. I 
feel it under my feet. I shall not forget it. I can- 
not flee from it. But soon his name will lie with 
others, in the dim forgetfulness of the past; and I, 
Clayton Lemars, will be dead! 


CHAPTEE IV. 


LUCY THIMBLE. 

I was standing on the steps of the Maxwell Hotel, 
when the clerk handed me a telegram. I tore it 
open. I had just called on Marshall Palmer, and 
was about to invite him to join me in a game of bil- 
liards. I had promised to introduce him one even- 
ing to Mademoiselle Chavanne, who was singing 
through an attractive and brilliant repertoire at the 
Vendome. She was a beautiful woman and a great 
artiste. 

I had entertained Kose Arle Chavanne at a 
breakfast in Washington, and she had entertained 
me royally in return. I allude to her extraordinary 
musical talent, not to hours spent together after the 
candle had burned down. She had proitered her 
box to me not infrequently during my visits to New 
York. But of Mademoiselle Chavanne, anon. This 
was the telegram: 

Louisville, Ky., December 2. — Clayton: Meet me at Mem- 
phis, December 4. I must see you. Do not for all the 
world disappoint me. Lucy Trimble. 

I crushed this telegram in my hand and stuffed 
it into my vest pocket. Marshall noticed my nerv- 
ousness, and said, hope no friend is ill?’^ 

said I, ^^only a matter of pressing busi- 

26 


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27 


ness/^ And I paced along at a halting gait until we 
reached the clubrooms. 

Lucy Trimble was a Kentucky belle I had met 
while living in Washington. She came — she went. 
Like all Washington beauties, she had her day. I 
cannot say she was a beautiful woman, although 
she was generally heralded as one of the belles of 
the famous bluegrass country. 

She was a blonde, of the pure type. She had steel 
gray eyes, golden hair, not of the copper color, but 
purely a rich gold, and a fair skin, almost as white 
as alabaster. Her eyes were so very large and ever 
moving that her smiles reminded me of the flicker- 
ing incandescent light. She was the daughter of a 
rich banker, and dressed in taste and with much 
elegance. She had a tiny foot and a small hand, 
and no woman could have been more graceful in 
the use of either than was she. 

Smaller than Nellie Land, she was equally well- 
formed. And whatever may be the shortcomings 
of a woman’s figure, there is nothing so absolutely 
fetching in the eyes of a man as an even, round 
waist. She was lively, vivacious, and rather an in- 
teresting talker. She was graceful in manner, and 
inclined to be shy, though she possessed some of 
the nonsense of worldliness, which she spiced with 
a little wisdom. 

I first met her at a Cabinet reception, and was 
positive she was beautiful. I was at the time con- 


28 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


sidered an interesting man and I valued that opin- 
ion by carefully insinuating myself into every new- 
comer^s good graces. A certain match-maker was 
sure I would love so beautiful a girl, and withal so 
eligible. She threaded Miss Trimble to the eye 
with a history illusory. I was the social rage of the 
season, she said, and could spice an affair of any 
social merit with rare flavor. 

Lucy and I became fast friends, and she in- 
dulged my indifference to social customs by send- 
ing her carriage to my door many summer even- 
ings, for a drive. And these I invariably accepted. 

She confided to me on one occasion that she had 
seen a fair matron get into a carriage near my 
apartments at two o^clock in the morning, when 
she herself was coming from the Charity ball. At 
first she had despaired of continuing my acquaint- 
ance; but after some deliberation she had con- 
cluded my company was necessary to her happiness. 

I vowed denials with all the trained cunning of 
a falsifier and the sanctimoniousness of a pulpit 
reprobate. In that hour she missed getting rid of 
the destroyer of her happiness. I am alien now 
to honor and respectability; but nothing comes to 
me with more terror than the sweet, childlike face 
of this young girl. I cannot forget her. I see her 
now, asking me, as she was about to give her hand 
in honorable marriage to another, to take care of 
her boy! 


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29 


will remind yon of my great love; lie will 
teach you to be honorable^ by his innocence. See 
him happy and cared f or^ if only for the great sacri- 
fice I have made for you. Have him educated to 
love God. He will live to bless the kind deed. 
Keep his great secret from the world — no one 
knows it now save you and me. Judge Oakley is 
dead, and with him, I trust, the secret died.^^ 

I must not brood too much over this picture. It 
will drive me mad. 

I punched at the billiard balls in such a sense- 
less and meaningless fashion that Marshall Palmer 
proposed a claret and a little fresh air. I excused 
myself and strolled on to the hotel. 

As I entered the lobby a beautiful woman cast a 
glance at me as she ran lightly up the stairway. 
I almost shrank back, for the innocent face of a 
beautiful woman this evening stung me like an 
adder. It reminded me of the dignity of life and 
what had gone from me forever. I turned, walked 
into the saloon and saw on the wall the picture of 
Christ nailed to the cross. I laughed aloud; for 
who should not laugh at the ridiculous ways of the 
world^s justice. 

^^I gave*My life to atone for the sins of the 
world 


CHAPTEE V. 


HELEN DEMAYS. 

It was past the retiring hour, though not late. 
As I returned from the saloon and called for my 
key the clerk handed me a card on which was writ- 
ten in small chirography: 

I 1 

I MISS HELEN DEMAYS. | 

I ] 

My God! and it was she, the woman I had seen 
going up the stairway. I was positively stupid or 
I would have recognized Helen, the friend of my 
youth, the flatterer of my former vanities. She was 
a stout, lithe nymph — quick, impulsive and jeal- 
ous; and about twenty-seven summers sat lightly 
on her gay head. She had been my companion at 
school, in Ohio, eight years before. I had loved 
her, as I thought then; and pursuant to that pas- 
sion had followed her to Cleveland^ where we both 
entered Norton’s Dramatic School. 

Ten weeks of bliss! Shall I ever see it again? 
Helen continued her studies, but an irate protector 
drew me away as soon as he discovered my plans. 
I escaped six months afterward and joined a com- 
pany of which she was the star, and played for 
some time to Ohio and Indiana audiences. I was 
30 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


31 


Charles Demays^ her young husband^ and she was 
my faithful and jealous wife. What minister tied 
the nuptial knot and what clerk issued the license 
we were never able to tell^ but we were delighted 
that all those months of caressing^, of indiscretion 
and sin brought no calamity in their train. 

We finally separated, and I entered Yale College, 
where for three years I studied with great energy 
and graduated with honors. Whilst I was a reckless 
boy even up to this time, it must not be assumed 
I was indifferent to the promises of my intellect. 
Helen drifted to ISTew York, was married and 
shortly afterward was divorced. She had at first 
small parts in opera, and rose in a few years, by dint 
of application and good habits, to a sure footing in 
the comic opera world. For the purpose of this 
narrative I need not concern myself with her an- 
cestry, but I wish to say in justice to her talent and 
good heart that she was the daughter of an Ohio 
Circuit Court Judge, a faithful friend and an 
honest woman in many meanings of the word. 

I was in a humor to see her that very hour and 
went to my room, hastily turned down the gas in 
the hall and stepped over to hers. I asked her to 
open the door and she declined, until I assured her 
that I must see her at once. She was half un- 
dressed, but that made no difference to her, since 
four years had elapsed, and we both had a recollec- 
tion that was this moment marvelously refresh- 


32 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


ing. We certainly could not study about impro- 
prieties. I, flushed with the wine I had been drink- 
ing, took her at once into my arms. 

She was a woman of most attractive form, her 
head fair and round and shapely, her neck a 
Grecian column, her shoulders hidden in the loos- 
ened and abundant hair. Hers was a bust no 
woman could excel; and her flesh was as white and 
Arm as the flesh of an athlete. I laid her gently 
in the bed already fragrant with the perfume of 
flowers. 

It was three o’clock and I observed, ^Tt is time 
for honest people to retire.” 

She replied, ^'We are never honest except with 
each other,” and would not permit me to go. She 
rang for a boy, ordered refreshments, and we drank 
to the return of the prodigals. 

She was playing at the Vendome with Mademoi- 
selle Chavanne. She would be in Nashville at 
least two weeks, and the penalty of absenting my- 
self from her would be serious indeed. She con- 
fessed that she would be unhappy, and would shed 
many tears, and I did not wish her to shed tears 
that would be charged to my account. 

I marched out to breakfast the next morning 
with Helen as if we had just met, and I could 
hardly tell whether the occupants were eying the 
beauty of my enchantress or looking on in aston- 
ishment that the proposed Speaker of the Ten- 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


33 


nessee House should be so well acquainted with the 
beautiful opera singer who was winning her way 
into their hearts. 

Eose Arle Chavanne^ prima donna, was already 
seated at the table. She greeted me warmly. 
Then she said: 

^^Helen, you are late this morning. I might 
have supposed you rose early to meet our dear, 
good friend, Mr. Lemars. You knew him years 
ago, I think 

^^Now, Mademoiselle, be as of old, will you not, 
and call me plain ^Clayton^? When I knew 
Helen,^^ I continued, ^^she was such a child I feel I 
should take care of her when I am where she is. 
I accidentally met her last evening and requested 
her to await me this morning. I should enjoy 
my breakfast more, probably. Now permit me to 
add. Mademoiselle, you look more charming than 
ever. I shall not permit you to be other than 
frank with me; and, by grace of the few hours we 
spent together in the heart of our good national 
capital, you must confess you are dying to tell me 
how well I look, and what a splendid Eomeo I 
should make.’^ 

^^You are beyond reformation, and your wit is 
not sharp enough to justify my punishing your 
stomach by detaining you. Call and see me and 
I will have more than a word with you.^^ 

^^And you want a word with me, do you?” I re* 


34 


THE CONFESSIONS 


joined. suppose you are after getting free 

from a husband, or entangling some other inno- 
cent being. Do as I do. Live within your means, 
if you have to borrow from your friends, and you 
will be happy 

She boxed my ears and glided out of the dining- 
room as light as a bird of spring, leaving every- 
body wondering why this austere celebrity of opera 
should become at once so familiar with an equally 
austere and dignified member of the lower house. 

Meanwhile Helen and I did justice to the ex- 
cellent breakfast, but we said little. My mind 
chased over the difficulties of the present. This 
affair of Lucy Trimble^s; the impatience of Made- 
moiselle with rivalries; the completeness with 
which Helen now possessed me. Not even the 
ever-present love of Nellie Land — bright angel of 
innocence — could induce me to give up this 
charmer. 


CHAPTEK VI. 


MADEMOISELLE ROSE ARLE CHAV ANNE. 

I did not comply with the request of Made- 
moiselle Chavanne. I was positive she had no 
claim on my time, and I was sure that present af- 
fairs were quite as much as I could master. I went 
with Helen to her door and dismissed myself for 
the day, promising to bring Marshall Palmer later 
and accompany them to the theater. 

I went into the rotunda of the hotel, lighted a 
cigar, and renewed my acquaintance with Maxwell 
Harold, who was talking to the clerk, Mr. Ar- 
mond. Harold said that he did not know when 
he should be able to repay me for my kindness 
in the matter of the anti-horse bill. At any rate, 
he was always at my service. Could I have put 
him to a solemn obligation at that moment it 
would not be necessary to write this narrative, but, 
alas! the hand of destiny is upon us all. 

^^Mr. Lemars,’^ said he, glancing up from his 
telegram, ^‘1 have a friend awaiting my return on 
the street. Would you object to the position of 
substitute? She promised to wait until I called 
for my mail, when I should walk out to her home 
and renew my acquaintance with her mother. I 
have a telegram here which will detain me for 

35 


36 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


some time. If agreeable, you may fulfill my en- 
gagement. It is with Miss Nellie Land; I think 
you know her.^^ 

Nellie Land! How the blood went throbbing 
through my veins at the mention of this name. 
Could she be in love with this man? 

We met her, and she thanked him for the substi- 
tution. 

Such eyes! They were of a soft, velvety brown. 
Such a beautiful face! Was woman ever more at- 
tractive? Had Mademoiselle sent a crier for me 
I could not have heard him. A thunder storm 
would not have disturbed me. I was sure this 
was the star, and I the student — admiring and 
studying. Aye, it was more than that — I was lov- 
ing! 

^^This is a piece of good fortune, my dear Miss 
Land, I had not expected would fall to me.^^ 

^Tndeed,” said she, smiling, ^^the pleasure is 
mutual. You will pardon my frankness, but I 
have thought of you very often since our evening 
at Mr. Phelps^ I told mamma about your new 
book, and how sad you seemed sometimes. I 
wonder if we could do anything to make your stay 
in Nashville a pleasant one.^’ 

She looked so charmingly into my face — such a 
tender, longing look! Here was my opportunity; 
and I, who had always been equal to the occa- 
sion, failed to say a word. My heart bounded 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


37 


with a painful oppressiveness. Why did I not tell 
her then that I loved her? No, I would wait; she 
might think me rather eager, rather importunate. 
Did she really care more for me than for Maxwell 
Harold? Yes, she had told me as much, yet she 
had the rare good tact not to mention his name 
the whole morning. 

She motioned me to a seat in what I judged 
was used for a drawing-room. It was very quaint, 
very unusual in arrangement, yet it was bright and 
cheerful. She brought her mother, a tall, dark- 
eyed, dignified woman. Surely I was getting on 
well, or she could not have wished her mother to 
meet me. She closed the door after her mother 
retired, came over and sat down near me and close 
to the piano. She looked for a moment into the 
grate of moldering embers and remarked that she 
was tired. I took hold of her hand and pressed 
it meaningly. She drew it quickly away and 
looked into my face. 

^^Excuse me. Miss Land,” I said in a halting 
way. ^^Let me call you Miss Nellie. I could not 
refrain when I saw you the other evening — heard 
your merry laughter — the response of my heart 
told me that I should love you. You asked me to 
tell you my story of love. I wished to take you in my 
arms then and ask you to permit me to love and to 
hope in return; but I dared not. When I met 
you this morning I was happy, for previous hours 


38 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


had taught me that my time in life had come; that 
I loved you with the passionate fondness of a 
warm heart. Do not tell me you do not love me, 
for it would drive me mad.” 

I took her hand and kissed it passionately. She 
said not a word, but turned and began to play on 
the piano. I had said it. It was off my heart. 
Let her answer. It seemed to me an hour had 
elapsed and not a word was spoken by either. 

Why I did it I do not know, but I know it 
gleams in my life to-night like a bright star on the 
face of clouded heavens. 

I arose, leaned against the piano, placed my 
hand on her shoulder, and said: ^^Nellie, will not 
you answer me?” 

She stopped, looked up to me, her beautiful 
face perplexed. 

^^Give me time. I shall try to love you.” 

I could not resist. I kissed her. It was a 
heavenly moment to me. She told me she should 
try to make me happy that winter, and I told her 
I should be the happiest of men if she would but 
love me. 

She was so young and so beautiful; and she 
would try to love me! I was certain to be en- 
vied. What if Maxwell Harold should ask her 
to love him! Would she promise? I had no 
right to think she would. Satisfied I had gained 
a point, I went away quite happy. 


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39 


It was two o’clock. I called on Mademoiselle and 
found her in. I should give a satisfactory ex- 
cuse and end a small contention with a lovely 
woman. She was very interesting, though she 
generally had her way. 

She had a perfect figure, with dark-brown 
eyes, was rather taller than the ordinary, but 
withal a credit to nature. She dressed well off the 
stage, and, though lively and light-hearted, she was 
a sincere woman. 

She rather liked the dominance of my manner. 
I always caused her to think it was through the in- 
fiuence of her charms I submitted. I was going 
to please her by introducing Marshall Palmer, the 
most elegant eligible in the city. She was sitting 
in a large wicker chair when I entered, and she 
greeted me cordially. 

^Take a seat, young man. I have a great many 
things in store for you. I shall not sing, but you 
will be entertained.” 

She punched the fire vigorously, and told me 
that I was the enigma of the season. I told her 
about Palmer; I was certain he would interest a 
great opera singer. He had sense and wit with 
his style — a rare combination of good qualities. 

The Cotton Lumber Company had failed. She 
knew I had twenty thousand stock in the concern. 
She observed the care on my face, and supposed 
this was the reason. But I had not seen the 


40 


THE CONFESSIONS 


morning papers. She tried to cheer me, and be- 
came fond and caressing. She chased the dark- 
ness from my brow, and made my lips smile be- 
neath her warm kisses. She forced me to forget 
the inevitable cause of my forebodings. A sum- 
mons from without awoke me. 


CHAPTEKVIL ' 


BETWEEN TWO CHARMERS. 

A message came from Mr. Mosby of Springfield, 
who, with a number of other friends, desired to put 
me into the Speakership race. They wanted to hold 
a consultation with me. I told him flatly I did not 
covet the honor. If they wanted to make me 
Speaker they would do it of their own accord. I 
did not intend to move a step in the direction of se- 
curing it. 

Marshall Palmer came in, and I introduced him 
to Mademoiselle. 

She went early to the theater, as usual. Helen 
and I remained at the hotel some time. Repre- 
sentative men were gathering at the Maxwell. Pol- 
iticians from everywhere were there mixing and 
mingling with the solons, gamblers and onlookers. 

Helen put a rose in the buttonhole of my coat 
and we took a cab waiting at the entrance and drove 
to the theater. She was kind and fond this even- 
ing, for she thought me unhappy. She offered to 
lend me a few thousand if I could use it. 

^^No, no! What do I want with money, Helen? 
I make plenty of it and manage to spend my share. 
I do not care for a few paltry thousands.^^ 

Marshall and I sat in a box. Mademoiselle was 

41 


42 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


singing. The house was keenly responsiveo 
Helen went into her stall and dressed. 

^^How do you like her, Marshall?’^ I said, ab- 
ruptly. 

^^Oh, she is as charming as a nightingale. I 
could make her my wife.^^ 

^^Suppose you persuade her,’^ said I. 

^^La Duchesse’^ was the bill. Helen was the wife. 
Mademoiselle the mistress. Mademoiselle sang 
low, her voice gradually gaining in volume until 
the whole theater became resonant with its mag- 
nificence. Helen advanced and stationed herself 
near my box, her face radiant with smiles. Her 
lover was by her side, caressing her. She was in 
his arms. He was telling her how great was his 
love. She was the adoration of his life. But I 
knew that another theme inspired her. She 
thought we should correct an irregular past by mar- 
riage. She thought in all these years she had not 
really been untrue to me; that I seemed to be happy 
when she renewed her love, though I had neglected 
her. All this she thought, and all this thrilled her 
soul, gave her new life and enthusiasm, and she 
imparted it to her audience. She looked into their 
very hearts and sang their turbulent souls a lullaby. 

The audience was beside itself. Seeing the mag- 
netic effect, she rose with greater fervor. The 
applause was terrific. It fairly shook the house. 
Like the mighty waves of the sea, the audience 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


43 


swayed with her every action and movement. Hun- 
dreds rose in their seats. Fanny Pope, so excited, 
threw her opera glasses on the stage. It was a tri- 
umph, the song of love appealing to the soul of 
love. 

Through this manifestation of approval she 
glanced at my box. I smiled the love I felt, and 
she softened into exquisite sweetness. 

I am looking into the past. Through it all that 
sweet voice comes appealingly back to me. 

Now came Mademoiselle, insulted. She had a 
stronger voice than Helen’s. She became dramatic. 
She fairly raged in her wonderful vocal vibrations. 
The fever seemed to agitate her — she crossed the 
stage, maddened and stung, it seemed, by the splen- 
did effect of Helen’s singing. She was ready to 
destroy her. 

Helen, full of the scorn of virtue, visited her 
rival with pity in return. 

^^Mademoiselle is singing and acting now. She 
looks a real murderess herself,” observed Marshall. 
I was astonished at her power, as was the vast audi- 
ence. 

An hour later we all got into the carriage and 
drove to the hotel, where we enjoyed a lunch fit for 
a king. I whispered into Mademoiselle’s ear that I 
should see her in the morning, and went into the 
lobby. 

At one o’clock I knocked at Helen’s door. She 


44 


THE CONFESSIONS 


wore a white silk gown. Her hair was gracefully 
put together in a roll. She seemed fairer than ever. 
I bathed my face and smoked a cigar, while Helen 
regaled me with her quaint humor and odd stories. 

How rare is the love of woman! Here was a 
beautiful creature who had the intense admiration 
of many brilliant and attractive men, yet she would 
have followed me over the world, received my last 
sigh, and seen me to the rest I shall find in the end. 

The dawn brought December 4, and, obedient to 
the summons of Lucy Trimble, I hastened to Mem- 
phis. 


CHAPTEE VIII. 


SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE. 

My name had been proposed in the Democratic 
caucus for Speaker of the House, and is it strange 
that I was elected? It was in the contract that I 
would exercise no prejudices against corporations, 
and, being probably the readiest man in the House, 
it was necessary to have me in a place where I 
could protect the interests of those who had ele- 
vated me. The papers were full of my praises. It 
was regretted that I could not avail myself of the 
ovation that would have greeted me, hut important 
engagements detained me in Louisville. They told 
in gleaming headlines what great success I had 
achieved; what an honorable man I was; what a 
life of purity I had led. 

My opponent was an honest man, but he could 
not hope to manage this turbulent body, where 
dramatic scenes were to be enacted, grave interests 
involved. They had nominated the right man, the 
brilliant Columbia lawyer. 

Were ever such lies flaunted in the faces of the 
people? And the people believed them. Yes, the 
people — that mass of beings who toil and are man- 
aged by their enemies. 

I returned from my visit to Lucy Trimble at 

45 


46 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


Memphis and met Mademoiselle Chavanne coming 
down the steps of the Maxwell Hotel. She was sur- 
prised to see me, remarking that she was on her way 
to the State-house to see me presiding over the 
representatives of the people. ^Ht seems so strange 
that my boyish friend should he doing all this.” 

“You mean the representatives of monopoly, my 
dear,” I replied. 

know nothing of monopoly in America,” re- 
joined she. ^^But I do know that Helen is not 
going to monopolize all of your time. You will just 
come with me.” 

^Yo,” said I, ^^come back, my dear. Wait till I 
walk over to my room and get a change of linen. 
I will go with you as far as London — and farther.” 

^^Suppose you come over to my apartments,” said 
she. “I have a fire. The room is warm. You can 
hardly be too modest.” 

^^Mademoiselle, has it ever occurred to you how 
interesting it would be, not to say compromising, 
for the Speaker to make his toilet before the queen 
of song?” 

^Yhey will be electing your successor if you do 
not obey. I am gifted in more things than in 
song.” 

I went to my room, changed my clothes, put a 
six-shooter in my pocket and stole over to Mademoi- 
selle's apartments. I do not know why I took the 
pistol. I only know that she was a woman of tern- 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


47 


per, and I was capable of turning loose her French 
impulses in numberless ways. I was looking least 
for a sensation. I already had plenty of engage- 
ments. I had little idea of going to the House. I 
had told her long before that I loved her. She be- 
lieved me. I had said that I wished to marry her; 
but actresses are accustomed to such professions. I 
had said more. I would be faithful to her. I had 
loved her on sight. So great would be the affection 
I would lavish on her I was sure I would tire her. 

She had laughed at me, calling my talk the 
ebullitions of youth, and waved me away. Made- 
moiselle was celebrated for her beauty as well as for 
her musical accomplishments; but she had the rep- 
utation of being peculiar. 

I did not understand her character. She seemed 
to have more than one side to it. I liked novelty 
and had determined there was novelty here. 

I had certainly abandoned the Speakership for 
the day. I was going about entertaining Eose Arle 
Chavanne and meant to make a good beginning. 
I would extort a promise of marriage. It would 
be no trouble to break off with her. Such a liaison 
had an interest in it. 

She was regarded virtuous. I had been told she 
was fond of me. Why should she care to see me in 
the Speaker’s chair? 

The claret was gone; we had been talking famil- 
iarly for some time. I was in the large wicker 


48 


THE CONFESSIONS 


chair — I had persuaded her into my arms. Fond 
place it was for a woman. Her head rested upon 
my shoulder. Her whole pose was ravishingly 
beautiful. 

But the glory of a woman is in her bosom. From 
these hills of delight men have flung away king- 
doms. About them gathers all the perfume of 
Araby the blest. White as alabaster^ the perfection 
of beauty reposing in their curves, the priceless joy 
of the world waiting in pained impatience between 
them, they are drest to attract, they are exposed to 
enslave. Defended by guardians who wish for de- 
feat, the measure of their power is the measure of 
man’s disobedience; the proof of their imperial 
splendor is the ravening love that discloses them, 
the touch of caressing palms that encircle them, 
the hot kiss which sends ecstatic fire from the little 
brown nipple to the core of the creature who made 
creation worth having, who shared Eden — and lost 
it, and left man richer for the losing since she slept 
by his side. 

At midafternoon she kissed me good-by and I 
joined my exultant friends in the hotel’s rotunda. 

I was Speaker of the lower house of Tennessee! 


CHAPTEE IX. 


IN THE HOUSE. 


I was immediately surrounded by friends and 
representatives who congratulated me warmly. I 
thanked them in a speech considered graceful^ and 
gave them the freedom of my room, well stocked 
with the best of champagne and cigars. I could 
not attend the opera, though Mademoiselle had re- 
quested me, for my committees were to be made 
up, and the chief attorney of the Ellanden Railway 
Company was waiting for me. I selected two 
friends, and we four adjourned to a secret place, 
where we named the most important. I left them 
to complete the job, with instructions to care for 
my friends as far as consistent with the interests 
of corporations. I went into the buffet for a 
bracer. Utter weariness was upon me. I deter- 
mined to go to bed. Xo, my room was occupied. 
I would go to Helen. It was midnight. She 
found I had a fever, and gave me every attention. 

Was there ever such a woman as Helen? There 
was no disputing the fact, she was making her- 
self indispensable to me. I could deny her noth- 
ing. 


49 


50 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


I arose late. She pinned a lily of the valley in 
the lapel of my coat, and I walked out to the Cap- 
itol a new man. 

The papers had announced my arrival the even- 
ing before, and stated that I would preside over 
the House the following day. I was popular in 
Nashville society, as well as among the leading 
business men of the city, who looked on the policy 
of my administration as one likely to check the 
growing agrarian sentiment, which had already 
manifested itself so strongly in the State. The 
Populists had elected a Governor, and he stood 
ready to dictate the policy of the Legislature. The 
eyes of Tennessee were therefore turned upon me 
as the leader of anti-Populism. I made pets of 
some of the young Populist members, wining and 
dining them royally, and was able to defeat any 
rabid Populist measure. 

When I stepped into the hall the members 
crowded about me, shaking my hand. They lifted 
me on their shoulders and carried me amid great 
cheering to the Speaker's chair. My enemies could 
not deny my great gift of speech, and on this oc- 
casion I employed all of my powers of oratory, 
and with some dramatic art enlivened the situa- 
tion. I deprecated extreme policies, and recount- 
ed the historical deeds of Tennessee. She sat like 
a radiant jewel in the sisterhood of States, the fair- 
est gem ever kissed by God^s smiling sunshine. 


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61 


Our administration of the trust confided to us we 
should carefully discharge in these trying times, 
remembering always our faith in the Constitution 
of our country and the sacred rights and privileges 
of our high-born citizenship. 

Fanny Pope and Nellie Land, with Maxwell 
Harold and Phelan Phelps, followed by Mademoi- 
selle and Helen, were in the lobby, and they 
cheered me lustily. I sat down amid terrific ap- 
plause. When order was restored I announced my 
committees and called for resolutions and bills. 
The anti-gambling bill was presented and I adroit- 
ly had it referred to the Committee on Rules. 

I almost forgot the manner of procedure, so riv- 
eted was my attention on Nellie Land. I was 
fond of caressing Helen. Mademoiselle inter- 
ested me. But one kiss from the lips of this un- 
sullied woman was more than the wealth of all the 
world to me. How beautiful she looked this 
morning! She recognized me and smiled; Made- 
moiselle observed it and frowned. God of for- 
tunes, how happy I was! Helen was too proud of 
me to notice anything. I was a king to her, di- 
recting the Legislature of the State! 

Soon the House adjourned and I went into the 
lobby. I noticed Fanny Pope talking aside to 
Nellie Land. I wondered if she was talking of 
me, for her eyes involuntarily followed me. I 
would speak to Helen, then I could hear. I heard 


52 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


it. I hear it to-night. It burns in my heart like 
a coal of fire. 

^^Nellie/^ she said, ^Vith all this ado about Clay- 
ton Lemars I hope you do not fancy him?^^ 

Should I interrupt them? No, I would not. 

^Tather says this Mademoiselle Chavanne was 
his mistress while he resided in Washington, and 
that she is nothing more here, for he is devoted to 
her, accompanying her to and from the theater. 
Congressman Tom George told him all about it.’^ 

Did Mademoiselle hear it? No, she did not. 

What right had Tom George to say anything 
about me? Had he not sold his vote? Had I 
not purchased it for the American Protective 
League? This was the man that dared to speak of 
my character! 

Helen interrupted them before Nellie could an- 
swer. I told Helen I would walk home with Miss 
Land. I wished to speak with her father on a 
matter of business. I would return in time to 
dine with them. I greeted Phelan Phelps as I 
passed him, spoke to Mademoiselle, and was ad- 
dressing Nellie before Fanny Pope could get away. 
Her face turned crimson, and she called to Nellie. 
Without assent or permission I excused Nellie and 
jocularly invited Miss Pope to devote her attention 
to Mr. Harold. We walked leisurely along the 
street to her home. 


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53 


suppose you will come in, Clayton. You 
said you wished to see my father 

^^That was not the first story, dear, I ever told,” 
I replied laconically. 

^^Are you sure you ever told one to Mademoi- 
selle Chavanne?” said she, with a twinkle in her 
eye. It was coming. Yes, I knew it. 

^^What occasion,” I said, ^^should I have for 
giving Mademoiselle Chavanne excuses for my 
conduct?” 

^^None,” replied Nellie Land, demurely. ^^Only 
I thought you and Mademoiselle were old friends.” 

understand,” I replied, brusquely. heard 
what Fanny Pope told you. Tom George is a 
common liar and sells his vote for a cash considera- 
tion! Tell your father I said so, will you? Made- 
moiselle gave me a breakfast when in New York 
and otherwise treated me courteously. When she 
played in Washington I introduced her to society. 
That is the history of my acquaintance with her.” 

I was angry. She saw it and avoided the subject. 

We were standing by the drawing-room window. 
My heart beat fast. Were they tr3dng to take her 
away from me? I strained her to my heart and 
said: 

^^Oh, Nellie, I love you so much! What all the 
world thinks is as nothing compared to the opinion 
you have of me. Tell me, darling, that you do not 
believe this wretched story.” 


64 


THE CONFESSIONS 


My voice was almost indistinct with the pain that 
choked me. can bear for the world to believe 
and say anything about me. But you — oh, it would 
break my heart 

She leaned her head against my shoulder. ^^You 
do not believe it, Nell, dear. You do not believe 
it, do you 

^^No, no,’^ she said, looking sweetly into my face. 
I kissed her. It was a heavenly privilege. I was 
happy then, and it was one of the few times in my 
life that I was happy. Ambition, politics, Helen — 
all the world I would have cast aside on the com- 
mand of this woman. She took my head between 
her hands and kissed my forehead, saying: ^^There, 
be happy, won^t you, dear? It troubles me to see 
a strong man shed tears.’^ 

^^Nellie, if you will always love me I am sure to 
be happy,^^ I replied, as I kissed her and took my 
leave. 


CHAPTEE X. 


POLITICS AND WOMEN. 

I was dressed for the reception. Harold and I 
were talking of Helen, of Mademoiselle, of women 
and politics; of the charming society that moves 
and walks through these comedies and tragedies; of 
the many duped guardians, cuckolded husbands, 
libertine attendants, cunning servants, young 
ladies madly in love, debauched sons, adulterous 
wives — all equal. 

Harold believed in the venality of politicians, the 
degradation of political parties. He was a democrat 
in truth. I, a democrat for revenue only. I related 
to him my early ambition — how I viewed with pity 
the terrible condition of the masses — whither our 
beautiful country was drifting — how impossible it 
was to relieve mankind in my brief span of ex- 
istence. I told him how little I cared about being 
a martyr; how I had chosen the side of monopoly, 
and how I should endeavor to make the most of 
life. 

He regretted the great race for place, the money- 
mad age of the world; how the political parties had 
abandoned principle and were racing for the spoils 
in sight. He thought there was a future for me 
on the side of the people. I told him success was 
55 


56 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


certain on the side of monopoly. On the side of 
the common people it was doubtful — they were so 
fickle, cared so little for faithful service in their 
behalf. I believed he had made a mistake. I was 
sure I was on the sensible side. 

Helen rang for me, and I reminded him it was 
quite time for the reception. He said he would es- 
cort Mademoiselle, but I told him she did not 
intend going. Helen came up and invited him to 
join us, which he did. I stopped on our way to see 
Mademoiselle, and insisted she should have treated 
Fanny Pope’s invitation with more consideration. 
She made an indifferent answer. 

What could be the matter? I knew that she 
had ended a week unusually trying on her nerves. 
She said she was only tired, and I joined Helen and 
Harold, who were waiting for me in a carriage. 

Fanny Pope, the belle of Nashville, lived with 
her widowed aunt on the hill to the left of the Cap- 
itol, in a large, old-fashioned house. A great yard, 
full of fiowers and shrubbery, ran down in front of 
it. It was beautifully lighted this evening, and the 
merry guests were laughing and chatting, as if de- 
fying time and eternity as well. We were late; but 
were we not somewhat privileged? Marshall 
Palmer claimed the first dance with Helen. What 
a dancer she was! How graceful! Every one 
seemed to delight in her dancing — this favorite 
charmer of mine; -this queen of hearts. 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 57 


I joined Nellie Land in the drawing-room. I 
asked for the next dance. I was, if anything, a 
good dancer. It was a schottische. I could 
scarcely hear the music as I whirled this beautiful 
maiden around. After the dance we gazed at the 
statuary and pictures together. I stopped in front 
of a young girl telling her lover farewell as he 
went forth to battle in the. cause of his nation, to 
fight, to do and to die for glory. She asked why I 
liked it so much. 

^^So much of life is expressed in that girks face; 
so much love and grief is written there. My dear, 
won^t you love me like that some day? But I hope 
there will never be a time when I will have to go 
away from you. I am so happy when I am with 
you.^^ 

^^Do you love me so much?” she said. 

Maxwell Harold claimed the next dance with her 
and I was left alone, only to be soon joined by 
Helen, laughing and gay and happy. 

^^They want me to sing ^Home, Sweet Home^; 
shall I do it, dear?” 

^^Yes; sing for them. I shall listen with 
pleasure.” 

^^Then I will sing — ^if it pleases you.” 

This is MarshalFs doing, I thought; he^s all at- 
tention to Helen this evening, and Fanny Pope is 
not as happy as she would otherwise be. 

Phelan Phelps and I walked out and sat down on 


58 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


a great wooden chair in the yard near an apple 
tree which had honeysuckle thickly matted about 
it. I saw Maxwell Harold and Nellie Land walk- 
ing back of it, to and fro. Helenas contralto voice 
filled the large house. She seemed so happy; her 
clear notes rang out on the fragrant air like those 
of the nightingale before daybreak. She must sing 
more. They were applauding her. I did not ap- 
plaud, for I was listening to sadder music — the 
music of torture and misery. 

shall not forget you,’^ said Harold. 

^^And youTl come back and see me often re- 
joined Nellie Land. 

He stopped abruptly and said: ^^Nellie, do you 
think you can love me better than any one in the 
world?’’ 

I started from my seat; I could not hear the an- 
swer; I would listen to no more. Oh, the love of a 
desperately loving man! There is nothing in hell 
or heaven that can equal its wonderful strength 
and power. Ah, God — did she love me? I must 
hear the terrible truth. Yet I dare not take an- 
other draught from the well of poison, lest I should 
die of madness. Where should I go to hide my 
agony and grief? 

They were calling me. It was Marshall and 
Helen. I must recite! Ah, if I could have been 
permitted to improvise I would have waked these 


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59 


gentle folk from their happy lethargy. They 
might have stood aghast at my effort. 

I sauntered up the long veranda, stopped and 
bathed my eyes and walked in, smiling and bowing 
my appreciation. But there was one who watched 
my face as the panther mother watches her young. 
She could detect the signs of grief, of joy. I was 
not ready for the dogs of scandal to be turned 
loose. I should therefore compose myself. 

^^Helen, what shall I recite 
^The Maniac’s Despair,’ ” said she. 

^^Yes,” chimed in a dozen others. have heard 
you were perfect in that.” 

Did they know I was half a maniac already? I 
launched into it. It was adapted to my feelings. 
I fairly raved, stalked about like a madman, tear- 
ing my hair. Nellie Land came in, alarmed at the 
tone of my voice. I was telling the love I bore her 
— its purity — the justice of it. Never did man look 
so terrible. Yes, it was I — Clayton Lemars — wild 
with despair, telling her of the fatal blow, the 
blow of unrequited love. I was agitated. My 
frame shook. I looked straight at Nellie, for that 
terrible second at conclusion. 

She dropped back in a dead faint into Helen’s 
arms — ^by the great window, under the light of the 
starless sky. 

This was my angel Nellie, whose pure love could 


60 


THE CONFESSIONS 


have given me a funeral couch to lie upon and 
I should have received it with joy. 

She soon awoke from her swoon and Phelan 
Phelps took her home. 

Fanny Pope^ with evident satire in her voice, 
turned to Helen and said: 

^^Miss Demays, I hope you have been entertained 
with your theatrical friend.^^ 

^Tardon me,’^ said I, ^^Miss Helen has en-" 
deavored to please, where other persons, not polite 
to name, have so signally failed. Your enmity. 
Miss Pope, is neither generous nor reasonable.’^ 
Helen may have sinned with me, but her heart 
had been sanctified by tears and her life hallowed 
by prayer. May a perpetual snow of jasmine and 
orange blossoms fall on her tomb! 


CHAPTEE XI. 


THKEE VICTORIES AND A LIE. 

I did not wait for Maxwell Harold this evening, 
so sick was I of the knowledge I had gained. I 
never could brook opposition; but I was cool and 
discreet enough to bide my time, so certain was I 
that the hand of destiny would point me the way. 
Should I remain with Helen that night she would 
certainly embarrass me with her questions and 
probably her tears. The only thing was to plead 
committee work, even at twelve, and gather that 
courage which lurks in potations. I did not want 
Mademoiselle to discover my sorrow, and she was 
sure to do it if I did not prepare. When I rapped 
on her door I was feeling about as comfortable as 
most gentlemen who have spent a night at the 
club. 

She was handsome. Her costume became her. 
She was in excellent humor. I asked for whisky 
punch. She got it and warmed it for me. I 
seemed to please her by reminding her she had not 
kissed me, which she was in the habit of doing 
when I came about her room. 

She wore a gown of fine silk, pink in color, that 
rolled open at the bodice and neck. She wore 
also a silk skirt, and there was always poetry to me 
61 


62 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


in rumpling a silk skirt gracefully hung about the 
form of a woman. 

Beauty belongs only to angels and women. 
Lovers, poets, painters and sculptors all seek to 
raise an altar to thee — the lover in his mistress, 
the poet in his song, the painter on his canvas, 
the sculptor in his marble. 

She posed for me with arms and bosom bare. 
I sat on a box, and with pencil and paper sketched 
her true to life. I showed her the portrait and 
put it in my pocket. I heard creeping steps, but 
my disordered brain would not listen. Helen 
doubted and walked on tiptoe near and listened. 
Did she know my voice? Yes. It was in a nerv- 
ous key. She knew I was drinking. She heard 
my unshod feet glide over the floor. She had not 
suspected this, so she returned to her room, her 
eyes wet with tears and her heart oppressed. I 
sat looking into the Are. 

Nellie^s unfaithfulness came to me. My nerves 
gave way and I began to weep. Mademoiselle 
came to me quickly and sat down at my side. 

^What is the matter, dear?^’ she said. 

^^Oh,” I replied, brushing away my tears, 
was thinking you were so indifferent of late; that 
you did not love me; that you were going away 
soon, and would forget me. You would see other 
men; I would become but a shadow of the past. 


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63 


That would be a misery indeed. The contempla- 
tion made me unhappy.^^ 

She clasped me in her arms as if to shield me 
from this destiny. My face lay on her warm, 
palpitating bosom. I had inhaled now the pene- 
trating perfume of her person. An exquisite feel- 
ing had taken possession of me. 

And the night was filled with music. 

And the cares that infested the day 
Had folded their tents like the Arab, 

And as silently stolen away. 

It was time to go to the Capitol. As I passed 
down the hall a boy came with a tray of dishes 
from Helenas room. I stepped in with a cheery 
^^Good-morning.^^ 

She looked at me, but did not respond. I could 
not afford to quarrel with her. I had grown too 
deeply attached to her. 

^^Helen,^^ said I, want to say something to 
you. I want you to quit the stage and remain 
with me. I feel no security in your love while 
you are traveling about over the country.” 

She drew away from me and folded her arms 
across her bosom, which was heaving as if she were 
panting for breath. 

^^How should I live then?” she said, with some 
warmth. ^^On the small siim I have made? Should 
I take the money you would give? You cannot 
mean that, Clayton. I send $800 a year to my 


64 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


wddowed mother. What would she do? I am an 
opera singer. I command six hundred a month. 
You wish to make me worthless. And do you hope 
to degrade me to the extent that I shall put an end 
to the ambition of my life, and be only your mis- 
tress? Even if I were not attached to the profes- 
sion I should spurn your offer! Even if I had no 
promise of a brilliant career on the stage, my sense 
of pride would not permit me to entertain such 
an offer. I know my life with you is open to re- 
proach; and if the world knew what you and I 
know, they would call me a degraded woman. It 
is sweet for me to love you, Clayton, but you are 
asking too much of my love. You are insulting 
me. If I am, in the sight of heaven, guilty with 
you of wrong, God will judge me by the pure love 
I bear you. You have ceased to love me, I know, 
since you have ceased to respect me.^^ 

This was too much for her. I took her in my 
arms and would not let her get away. I begged 
she would forgive me. I did not wish her to give 
up her ambition for nothing. She should go on 
if she wished. I wanted her to be my wife — ^that 
was all. I wanted her to take my name. I should 
endeavor to honor her in life, and make her future 
as great as my happiness with her would be. 

I had struck the proper chord. She began to 
smile, ceased to resist me, and finally put her arms 
around my neck, and cried for joy. 


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65 


She wished to know when it would be^ and I 
told her we would fix the time soon. She was a 
transformed woman. I went out and hurried to 
the House of Representatives. 

The members w^ere just assembling. We had 
reported the anti-racing bill adversely. It had 
been debated on the motion to refer. Now would 
come a test of strength. I was to get $5,000 for 
defeating the bill. Mr. Dinsmore had made a 
motion to recommit. That would test the 
strength, and I would know what to do. The mo- 
tion was lost after a bitter debate. I still occu- 
pied the chair. It would pass. It was evident 
the friends of the bill were in the majority. I 
knew that if the bill got to the Senate it would 
go to the Governor and become a law. The Sen- 
ate would not amend it. It must be killed in the 
House. There was no time to be lost. We must 
act. Horsemen, trackmen and bookmakers had 
filled the lobby. I called to the chair a member 
hostile to the bill. We lacked four votes^ — we 
must have them. 

Could I risk a vote after I should make a 
speech? I doubted it. The opponents of the bill 
must get a postponement. I had the money in 
the bank. I must show my hand. I got recogni- 
tion immediately on taking the fioor. I had the 
absolute confidence of many friends of the bill, 
move to postpone consideration of this bill 


66 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


until Monday morning at nine o’clock. You will, 
gentlemen, permit me to state my reasons. It is a 
grave question,” I said. ^Tt affects millions of 
property in the State. It affects the largest indus- 
try in middle Tennessee. If the bill is a good one 
let us consider it deliberately. Let the House hear 
its enemies as well as its friends. I am ready to 
abide by the Constitution of Tennessee.” 

Then I recounted the glories of the Tennessee 
pacer. Never had soldier buckled on his armor 
and fought more stubbornly than had the pacer in 
every great turf battle throughout the land. He 
was the idol of the Tennessee heart. If this bill 
should pass, let it be modified, that we might not 
strike down millions of property in an hour. I 
took my seat, and the bill was postponed. I im- 
mediately called three friends who were asking for 
its passage, and told them that its defeat meant my 
nomination for Congress in March. If they were 
my true friends, let them stay away on Monday. 
I would fulfill the obligation in a substantial way. 
They all agreed to do it. A Mr. Haggard, a 
fourth opponent, was entertained Sunday night 
by a visit to ^The Division.” He did not return 
in time to vote on Monday. 

The friends of the bill were anxious. They in- 
sisted on a vote. The clerk called the roll slowly, 
and the Speaker pro tern, declared the result — 
yeas, 44; nays, 46. The bill was defeated. I was 


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67 


that hour assured of my nomination and election 
to Congress. The press the next morning rang 
with my praises. I was a leader to the manner 
born. There was no stopping my ascent in Ten- 
nessee politics. I should be nominated for Con- 
gress by acclamation. 

I walked to the hotel with Maxwell Harold. 
He was jubilant over the defeat of the bill^ and 
promised to do anything in his power for me. I 
told him of my great love for Nellie Land, and 
begged him to make it the secret of his life. I 
loved her with the passion of a strong nature. I 
asked him to become my ally and aid me in secur- 
ing the prize of my heart. He was a handsome 
man, indeed, and the remembrance of it smote 
me. 

^^Lemars,^^ he declared, ^^a man of your promise 
should not be so foolish as to run mad about a 
young girl. But if you are determined; if you 
think she cares even a little for you, I will re- 
nounce my fancy for her and see her no more. 
She is nothing more than a friend to me.” 

I interrupted him. 

^^Leave her to me. Maxwell, for I love her with 
my whole life and soul. She is the world, and a 
great deal more, to me. I will be grateful to you, 
for that which you have said is generous.” 

^^Her face,” said he, ^Ts only a passing fancy, 
shall soon forget her. I have done so before. 


68 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


I think I can do so now. I hope you may he 
happy, as in your happiness is your usefulness to 
the nation.’^ 

I was delighted that he had promised me so 
much, for somehow I thought he was a man to be 
depended on, though what he had agreed to was 
at best unreasonable. Yet, knowing how honor- 
able he was, I believed this settled all future 
trouble from rivalry on his part. 

Now I should live. Now I was freed from the 
shroud, and would stretch both my wasted hands 
out of the grave toward the sun. The frightful 
impending danger is no more. Charming stars 
sparkle above me, and sand the windings of my 
path with their spangles of gold. The daisies be- 
gin to laugh sweetly with me, and murmur my 
name with their little restless tongues. 

I told a story, and he laughed and walked away 
from me. At the moment I forgot what a false 
world we live in — a world that performs nothing 
more gracefully than lying. 

The pity of the matter was he did not tell me 
the whole truth. And the strangeness of it was 
that I should believe in his promises about such a 
thing. Man in love is weak and frail, however 
strong he may be in other things. The merest 
straw holds his faith to the woman he loves. 

I was jubilant, and my conversation was red- 
olent of the days when I excelled the best wits in 


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69 


the land. I related stories of my past life^ in- 
terlarding them with pungent satire or humorous 
recitation, until I had an audience in the lobby of 
the Maxwell Hotel. 


CHAPTEE XII. 


AT THE GATES OE BLISS. 

It was two o^clock in the afternoon. Nellie 
Land called at the hotel for Mr. Lemars. I was 
happy to he Mr. Lemars at that moment. I got in 
the carriage and we drove out the old Nashville 
pike. It was a bright, summer-like evening in De- 
cember. I could be happy with this woman only 
for a drive. It was in my heart and full on my lips 
to tell her what I had seen and heard the evening 
before. But I thought we must talk of other 
things. I did not mention it then. Many vehicles 
were passing. Most people recognized me from the 
numerous portraits that had been in the papers. 
Go where I would, some one was certain to recog- 
nize me. 

I chose to tell Nellie many of my plans for the 
future, and I intimated that I hoped she would 
share them with me. I would make a great name 
for her sake. She was the only woman in the world 
I had ever loved. It was not a fancy; it was love 
knocking at my heart. We drew up in front of her 
home and went in. The place was so cozy and 
homelike, I asked her if it was a case of the spider 
and the fly. I only hoped it was. 

A black girl brought lunch and claret. It was 

70 


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71 


growing late. I saw the hazy light flickering as if 
supplied by an unseen hand. The factory employes 
with dinner pails on their arms trudged along^ 
seeming so tired. 

We were standing by the window. There was a 
dead silence everywhere. The very air seemed to 
be sacred to the occasion. 

^^Nell/^ I said^ ^^you remember when you and 
Mr. Harold were walking to and fro behind the 
honeysuckle at Fanny Pope’s?’^ 

^^Yes/^ she replied. Then she put both arms 
on my shoulders and kissed me. It was amazing. 
How could I continue? 

^^You know what it is to deceive a man like me — 
a warm nature and generous heart! I loved you 
from the moment I laid eyes on you. I could not 
help it if I would. I thought I had loved; but oh. 
Nellie dear^ I never knew what love was till then. 
I never thought I should know such desperate joy, 
such terrible misery, such rapture and such great 
despair. I cannot resist this tide of love that is 
carrying me on — I know not whither. I would not 
resist it now if I could. With all this I am but a 
weak, frail man, with all of a man^s passion. How 
I have loved you! You saw the agony in my face 
that evening, did you not? I was telling you the 
grief your words to Maxwell Harold had given me, 
I was pleading in despair, for I could not give you 
up. You were my light of earth, my lily of heaven, 


72 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


my queen^ my life^ my eternity! Tell me — tell me, 
Nell, that yon love me; that there is some awful 
mistake 

She made no reply, but hung her head and wept. 
I held her to my heart, and she clung there like 
something too sacred to touch. 

^^Clayton,^^ she said, in a choked voice, ^^you 
should remember women carry on little flirtations 
sometimes. Why should I not do so with Mr. Har- 
old? I did not mean to deceive you or be untrue to 
you. I could not do that, for I loved you too well. 
When I heard the strange mockery of your voice, 
reciting a horrible tale to me, did I not come to 
you and find you wild and angry? It was too much. 
I could not bear it — I could not bear it.^^ 

She sobbed all the while. Surely this young 
woman could not be sporting with my great love. 
Had she not called for me this evening, and had 
she not told me she loved me? These thoughts 
came through my brain in a whirl. I would not 
stop, so anxious was I to prove to myself she loved 
me. I continued with considerable vehemence: 

^^Darling, be sure first of the truth of what you 
say. You are a beautiful woman, and a beautiful 
woman is the reflex of a beautiful soul. You know 
well some people have not admired my course in 
life and have said a great many hard things about 
me. Listen to me while I tell you the truth! I was 
born in Kentucky. My parents were respectable. 


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73 


honorable, but poor. They are dead now. I do not 
remember them. I was mischievous; had a quick, 
bright mind. I attracted a handsome widow who 
visited the neighborhood. She volunteered to edu- 
cate me, and I embraced the opportunity. She 
bought everything for my comfort, and gave me 
money without asking. I was a boy, she a woman, 
both human. She died and left me her property 
— not a large sum, but sufficient to start me in life. 

wished to make a great name. At every by- 
path in life I had temptations, but I fought them 
all away, with a heart looking to the great goal. 
Of course I sinned. What man of the world has 
not? I was flattered and sought after. But I re- 
solved no one should encompass my ruin. I was 
going to get all out of life, and who should gain- 
say or question the means? It is true I have 
sinned against God and man, but I have not had 
a great love to make me what I should be. 

^^A time for love has come to me, a time to 
worship a living woman. She can make my life 
pure, my ambition noble. Or she can make it a 
curse to the God who gave it, and a burden of 
sorrow to the man who has it! Yes, I worship the 
fairest angel under heaven. It is you, dear.^^ 

She drew her hand down to her breast as if to 
stop a pain there. 

^^My darling,’’ she said, do not love you like 
that, but I love you — so much. You know the 


74 


THE CONFESSIONS 


stories say it is women who possess the boundless 
capacity of love. Teach it to me. You must make 
my love as boundless as your own.’^ 

I was enchanted. All else was to me a blur. I 
had forgotten everything but her presence. I 
could look into her face a whole hour without a 
word. She was the archangel of beauty. She 
could make me happy. She could accomplish in 
a smile what other women had failed to do in a 
lifetime. 

It was nearly dark. I walked rapidly from the 
street. The heavens were beaming with glorious 
stars. In other women I had loved material 
beauty. In Nellie Land I had loved the invisible, 
the eternal — the beauty that never grows old, the 
beauty of the soul. I cared for nothing in all the 
world save this new, great and holy fire that 
burned unceasingly at the core of my being. 

If the world holds a little charity for a wretch 
like me, let it shed its sweetness about me now. 
For I once loved Nellie Land and held her in my 
arms. 


CHAPTER XIII. 


LINGEKED^ AND WAS LOST. 

Xellie Land had gone on a visit to the family 
of her father’s venerable friend, Judge Oakley, at 
Frankfort, Ky. The white-haired but vigorous 
Justice met her as the ten o’clock train from the 
East rolled into the passenger station. ISTewsboys 
were calling Louisville and Cincinnati papers. 
There was a bustle and confusion about the depot 
which wearied the girl. And her host hurriedly 
put her into the carriage and drove away toward 
South Frankfort, the region of excellent horses. 

^^Maxwell Harold is in Frankfort,” said Judge 
Oakley. ^^You know him, I think.” And his gray 
eyes twinkled mischievously. 

^^Slightly,” she replied. ^^But I shall count on 
your service in renewing the acquaintance.” 

will not fail you. He is as brilliant as he is 
handsome, and he has as great a future as any 
man in Kentucky.” 

^^He will make a great name,” said Mrs. Oakley, 
warmly. ^^He is one of nature’s noblemen.” 

Evidently my friend had strong partisans in the 
home of the Judge at Frankfort. 

That night he took dinner with the Oakleys, 
and then drove out with Kellie Land along the 

75 


76 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


splendid pike toward Lexington. They came back, 
and sat in the family circle before the wood fire in 
the great parlor. There she sang for them; and 
there Maxwell Harold won their hearts anew with 
his well-told stories, with his recitations of South- 
ern verse and his continual fiow of genial spirit. 

And when the family had left them they, too, 
sat alone in the firelight — and the keeping of a 
pledge was before him. Maxwell Harold had 
promised me to give up Nellie Land. I think he 
had intended to do it. But who can fly away when 
august beauty beckons? He waited a little longer. 

And, my reader, lingering is the pace that kills. 

I had loved her at arm^s length. He gathered 
her to his bosom. I had kept far away from her 
the thoughts of a lustful passion. He was wrapped 
in the warm and fragrant atmosphere of a roused 
woman, and — was lost! 

^Tt is in violation of a pledge that you see me 
this evening, for I had promised a friend never to 
see you again. Why I did so, I cannot tell! My 
heart was full of love. You cannot understand 
how I settled between the two alternatives.’^ 

He trembled violently, this strong man of the 
world; but he felt a burning, consuming love, that 
would stop at nothing save possession. 

could have told you at Fanny Pope’s how I 
loved you, but when I considered the short ac- 
quaintance between us I felt that I dared not. 


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77 


The first time I looked into your eloquent eyes you 
were a schoolgirl. My heart bounded, my pulse 
beat fast, the blood ran like a mighty torrent 
through my veins. I knew then that I loved you 
deeply — madly. I tried to keep away from you, 
but some spirit, some masterful spirit within me, 
told me you would love me in return. It has hov- 
ered about my soul like a guardian angel, singing 
each morning of love — of your love! I have per- 
haps been looking for something more than love; 
I have been asking more than life had for me. I 
have been waiting for sublimity of soul, knowl- 
edge, poetry, beauty, youth — everything that is 
not love itself, for love offers nothing but the 
privilege of loving and being loved. My hour has 
come. God has lent me life, and He will not take 
it back from me. Let the spells of the magicians 
be broken! Let the crowd make room for her to 
pass, for she has come. It was wrong I should 
forswear that love, for the altar of my heart 
would have been cold without it. 

^^Oh, how strong I have felt in the presence of 
human powers, but how helpless do I feel in the 
presence of my great love! It could not have been 
a dream. I thought you loved me. I thought 
you came to my bedside, and with your beautiful 
hands closed my eyes in sleep. Your arms were 
about my neck, your warm kiss was on my cheek 
again and again. Your heart beat wildly against 


78 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


my own. How passionately fond seemed my own 
woxds then. I told you, in the eloquence of a man 
stirred by an unseen power, the course and bound- 
ary of my love. I am not dreaming. I know — for 
you are by my side and I love you. Tell my heart 
that you love me now in return, and will ever love 
me, and be true to me, and faithful always!’^ 

She loved him. Her heart could not resist his 
pleading, earnest eyes. She glided into his arms; 
the tears streamed from her eyes as he imprinted 
warm, burning kisses on her face and neck. Each 
looked long upon the other; and each told well the 
power that possessed them both. 

^^Yes,^^ she said, ^^you know already I love you. 
Since the first time we met you have been in my 
dreams — king among men to me. You are the 
ideal of a love long pent up in years of childish 
waiting. I have barely prevented myself from tell- 
ing you. Words will not measure my love. We 
cannot be separated now. I love you so much. I 
cannot give you up, nor be away from you. Won’t 
you be near me, and be true to me till death and 
till eternity?” 

He almost smothered her with kisses, now push- 
ing her away and looking into her face, then draw- 
ing her back and caressing her. 

^^You will be mine always, dear,” he said. 
love the air you breathe; the ground you walk on 
I could kiss. You are dearer and sweeter to me 


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79 


than all the world. You can make this rugged 
and uneven life the veriest flower garden to me. 
It is in your power to make me succeed in every 
endeavor. With your love the world will become 
radiant. The streams will sing tuneful songs. 
E'arth will cease to be earth to me. It will be a 
paradise, a heaven of happiness and rest. The 
light of your love will transform my life. This 
happiness is mine, for your love is mine; and life 
is not the same as before.’^ 

For hours she lay in his arms, and the sweet 
communion of love made many metaphors, and 
drew forth many strong protestations of affection. 
And often they renewed promises of faithfulness, 
until the night had almost gone. 

Maxwell Harold took his hat and went back to 
the hotel, unmindful of the chilling blasts of 
wind. 

Oh, young, brave champion of the people! 
Thou art not banished; but thou canst not tri- 
umph, because thou art loved! Thy capture will 
lend to thee a fire that will singe thy eagle wing, 
and thou, with thy great love, wilt find the venge- 
ance of another written somewhere, and it will be 
engraven on thy heart, and thou, oh, man of the 
people, wilt sicken, wither, and at last die! 


80 


THE CONFESSIONS 


I opened my mail and found the following letter 
from Helen: 

‘‘Dear Clayton: We are at Macon. I hope you are hap- 
py, dear. I kissed my pillow a thousand times for you 
last night. How I love you! If I thought you did not love 
me in return I should wish to die — but you told me 
you loved me and would make me your wife. You are a 
great and true man, and I trust you. I will be at Lexing- 
ton soon; and, dear, come to me there. The world is dark 
and cold without you. A thousand kisses and continued good 
fortune from your HELEN.” 

I crushed the letter in my hand and thrust it 
into my pocket. A thousand recollections came 
pouring in on me, and set a maze of calculations 
at work. 


CHAPTEE XIV. 


COKBUPTION AT THE CAPITAL. 

1 registered at the Galt House in Louisville, 
picked up a Louisville Times, and noticed a col- 
umn about Maxwell Harold and his prominence 
in the forthcoming Kentucky Legislature. That 
was some disappointment to me. Why it should 
have been, I was not just able to say, only I did 
not care to have him thrown with, or in the way 
of, the woman I so much wished him to avoid. 

I think I have now no bitterness in my heart 
against any one, living or dead. I therefore can 
say of this man. Maxwell Harold, that he had few 
peers in politics. He was not only enthusiastic 
and conservative, but a leader to the manner bom. 
He was a gentleman who recognized and practiced 
all of the reasonable human courtesies; a firm 
friend of the masses, chivalrous and brave, honest 
and faithful, accomplished and handsome. Why 
should not love become his master? Why should 
he not, with his splendid personal attractions, pos- 
sess the life and love of Kellie Land? 

I desired to stop at Frankfort, but I pushed on 
to Washington, to fill an appointment with the 
leaders of the National Whisky Trust and the 
Sugar Trust. We were to have an understanding 
81 


82 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


about my advent into the lower branch of Con- 
gress. 

Washington! — assignation house of the nation! 
A night in its sacred limits had not lost its charm 
for me. After I was lodged and groomed I went 
to a reception given by the Honorable Secretary 
of the Navy. There were assembled the gay and 
gallant. There I should find the young wife of an 
ancient Senator. She would^ beyond doubt, pose 
among the elect. I recognized with a well-trained 
eye the virgins who sat at the feast of the queenly 
wife of the Secretary. There were many perfumed 
women of this false modem world. I saw the be- 
loved idol of many of the young men — the wife 
who had been chosen from among the many, now 
the social representative of her husband. All of 
these were there, smiling and chatting and bowing 
and cooing. The scales had years ago fallen from 
my eyes. 

A buzz of excitement went the rounds as my 
name was announced, and many older ones of the 
set recognized again the Adonis of yore, become 
studious and silent from seclusion. The younger 
ones knew me also, because my former deeds had 
become a theme and jest of the butterflies of so- 
ciety. Some declared I could distinguish a virgin 
by the smell of her breath. Others knew me to 
judge only by the eye, while still others were sure 
it would require a touch of her skin. 


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83 


I met my young pupil, the wife of the old Sena- 
tor, and she told me behind her fan that he was 
always laid up with the gout or engaged at a sit- 
ting of ^^committee-room poker/^ That was as- 
suring me doubly. 

I heard young girls discussing men by the 
standard of dollars, as the French demi-monde dis- 
cuss the louis of the favorite revelers at the gam- 
ing table. Here was one true and pure and noble, 
but at her side sat the demi-virgin who had be- 
come a mistress because there was little novelty 
and diversion in her own home. Another had a 
visitor in her suite because she had an insufficiency 
of cash and might demand as freely of his account 
in bank as her wild caprices required. Still an- 
other, for the fascination some great gallant con- 
tributed. 

There were always a few of these gentlemen 
revelers who were unable to engage all of the 
happy demands made on them. It is enough to 
say they managed to maintain their little harems 
without the knowledge of the world. These were 
the men of the hour, the gentlemen of action. In 
my heyday at Washington I was uncrowned king 
among them. 

I am not a cynic or dilettante, but I believe the 
Christian marriage is about done for. It is being 
destroyed. It is unpopular. It will go. Nearly 


84 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


every girl nowadays flirts a little; and you must 
know there is flirting and flirting. 

Among all this well-dressed throng I thought 
there were few who cared to listen to the soul- 
stirring strains of music. Few had elevated senti- 
ments in their hearts. Perverted and spoiled by 
the monstrous national life which corrupts and 
eats out men’s souls; ignorant of their own desires, 
they knew not what their paralyzed senses de- 
manded. I noted withal the sensual faces and de- 
praved countenances speaking high-flown words 
that were meaningless but fashionable. 

Demi-virgins — ah, they were there and every- 
where, in the highest places. It is an evil which, 
if unchecked, will pervade the whole of society, 
as it now pervades largely the rich, idle, pleasure- 
seeking class. How soon shall the middle classes 
take their model from it? Here is the fln-de-siecle 
young woman who competes with her married sis- 
ter in daring adventures, merely for the novelty of 
the game. 

I took my little flower, and drove her over to a 
certain respectable resort. We could get lunch 
and wine there. The great city was ablaze with 
lights. We should be undisturbed for three hours. 
I had barely got into the den when I saw a dis- 
tinguished Kentucky Congressman with a fair 
member of uppertendom on his arm. Not wish- 
ing either to see or be seen, I ushered my bonnie 


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85 


girl quickly up the steps in front of me. The 
keeper of this hotel was an employe of the Treas- 
ury Department. She was my friend^ and I could 
trust her implicitly. 

If I considered it even a partial alleviation of 
the burdens of the once proud American citizen, I 
should lift the veil here, and show the licentious- 
ness of the representatives of the masses; for at 
this same place you may see nightly Congressmen, 
Senators, Government officials, ranging in all ages, 
each with a paramour on his arm, smiling and 
chatting in the liveliest style, or silent and non- 
communicative as the mood may be on him. 

Here flourishes the demi-virgin, here moves the 
debauchee, in a room under key — discretion on the 
part of the keeper. 

Looking back to-night over the faces, I see 
that of a gifted leader whose name is on the lips 
of many honest citizens as a worthy presidential 
candidate of the Democratic party; a half-dozen 
Senators, with wives of absent naval officers. But 
I shall stop. It is needless. I am not an informer. 

This beautiful wife whom I locked in and corner 
manded to disrobe was a respected and loved idol 
in Washington society. As I looked at her flashn 
ing diamonds, delicate lace, and the fresh-cut 
flowers about her bosom and hair, I bethought my- 
self of the simplicity and innocence of my boy- 
hood. Did I ever think I should attain to this 


86 


THE CONFESSIONS 


proud eminence — to be king of this national 
beauty? But what if I say she esteemed it a proud 
hour in her life when she could hold me in her 
embrace? 

I handed her a glass of sherry and drank off two 
myself. I told her she had grown more beautiful, 
and it was true. For, as she lay there, no sculptor 
ever had vision of a more perfect figure. With 
outstretched, beautiful arms, and eyes dancing 
with delight, she was a passionate dream of luxu- 
riant expectancy. 

It was long past midnight before I lodged her 
safely at the Arlington; and as I undressed for a 
single couch visions of another woman came to 
me. She seemed like an angel of beauty from a 
world unknown. Although drunk with the mad 
life I was leading, she brought pure aspirations to 
me. Ah, God, I start from my chair to-night, and 
a blazing fire breaks out in my brain — the terrible 
dread of that one face! 


CHAPTEE XV. 


WQMEl!?- AND TBUTH. 

To those who love liberty there is little doubt 
that there is cause for alarm. Go to the depart- 
ments and note the idleness, extravagance and 
pomposity. The greatest men at your capital have 
grown arrogant on the meat fed them so long by 
the people. The private secretaries of Cabinet 
officers regard themselves as of more importance 
to the nation than is a regiment of soldiers. Eep- 
resentative citizens doing business with a depart- 
ment are with as much difficulty presented to its 
chief as an emissary encounters in meeting the 
Pope of Eome. Where once reigned simplicity 
now stalk the forms and rules of an impregnable 
aristocracy, builded well on the backing of the 
moneyed interests. 

Congress is nothing more than a cheap political 
bagnio, where are seduced the servants of seventy 
millions of people who once were freemen. No 
orator can get a hearing if he dare open his mouth 
against a scheme or job. The power of the 
Speaker, the rules of the House and its organized 
committees smother without mercy or respect any 
measure looking for relief. 

The average Congressman calculates how much 

87 


88 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


he can extract from the position he occupies. He 
is indeed insulted if he fails to get on the ground 
floor of some well-laid scheme that will ultimately 
enhance his own prospects. The Senate is an 
essay society where attenuated hack numbers are 
holding seats for opinions they expressed thirty 
years ago. Perjured miscreants, they tell the com- 
mon people of their love for the institutions and 
flag of our country. They smoke the pipe of lux- 
ury in the cloak-rooms, or attend the wants of some 
beautiful adventuress, or read purchased essays 
startling the country by bold and patriotic denun- 
ciations. But it is well known these sentiments 
are only for home consumption, and if there be any 
real live game of steal going on he, the average 
Senator, must be a full partner. He must know 
the condition of the stock market, and the margin 
allowed Senators for the investment of a few votes. 

It would be singular if a man should rise in the 
Senate and really command attention from all 
of the Senators who hold seats there — ^by the grace 
of the people, money or God. 

A few years had passed since I had sauntered 
among them, known as a useful young man, up to 
business and schemes in which there was profit; 
but I recollected with, pleasure our mutual inter- 
ests, and knew they appreciated my services. 
True, I reached them sometimes through their 
stomachs,, at other times through their passions. 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


89 


and frequently appealed directly to their love of 
gain. I disparaged no condition of life, and only 
impressed my sentiments in such a manner as to 
insure the best returns. I played my part on this 
world^s stage — Eomeo, Hamlet, Richard the Third, 
Richelieu — a strange admixture, and never wholly 
either of these. I looked steadily for something 
to prey upon, and the prey must be large and rich. 
I was a network of lies, a tissue of false ideas. I 
wore the habit of a gentleman. I was only a man 
of spirit. 

Oh, America, fair and radiant America! Hear 
the prayer of a degenerate child to-night! What 
glories were thine in the days of Washington and 
Jefferson! The stars and stripes that waved in 
glittering revelry as the mighty hosts passed in re- 
view was the flag of a free country. What glori- 
ous sentiments of patriotism bore that mighty 
throng of men along! What purity and sweetness 
moved the songs of the daughters of the land to 
lullaby. Coward that I am, I send this honest 
prayer — I know not where! But it is for my coun- 
try, steeped in vice and poverty, degraded and dis- 
honored in its own councils, while exiles to honor 
and patriotism make laws for lust and power. 
That Jewel of the world’s wonder, once shining 
with a light that led the steps of nations to freedom 
and constitutional government, is trampled in the 


90 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


dust in halls that yet echo with the voice of a happy 
and prosperous nation. 

I had but five minutes to catch the Chesapeake 
& Ohio fast train out of Washington when the 
clerk of the Arlington handed me a telegram. 

^^Can there he any new misfortune falling on 
me?^^ I muttered, as I tore it open nervously. 

‘‘Lexington, Ky., Nov. 12. — Come at once. Phoenix Ho- 
tel. Don’t fail. Lucy Trimble.” 

I left Washington, and the swift trains carried 
me without a change of comfortable quarters 
from the capital of the nation to the chief city in 
the bluegrass region; and in the evening I reached 
the Phoenix Hotel in Lexington. 

Lucy Trimble had summoned me; and, whatever 
the burden of her message, it was certainly a 
calamity. But I would not shirk any responsibil- 
ity resulting from my own acts. There are some 
claims I have never ignored, and these have been 
presented alone by women. Every interest of my 
life has been entrusted a thousand times to women. 
And yet, here in the shadow of an awful destiny I 
must say I have been betrayed but once. 

Mademoiselle Rose Arle Chavanne with her 
company was singing at Lexington. Wherever I 
went her lithographed portraits confronted me. 
Whatever the nature of the business with Lucy 
Trimble, the very thought of Mademoiselle thrilled 


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91 


and attracted me. Whatever hope I had of seeing 
Nellie Land, the voluptuous embraces of the song- 
stress invited me. 

As I sipped a glass of wine in the buffet of the 
Phoenix Hotel, the carriages came rolling up to the 
entrance with a crowd from the opera. At twelve 
I knocked at the prima donna^s door, and she ad- 
mitted me. 

Mademoiselle seemed years younger. Her hair 
reached to her waist and her queenly head she 
tossed defiantly. I took her into my arms. She 
laid her fair head on my shoulder and I rained 
kisses upon her. We drank as much wine as was 
needful. I delivered myself of a new avowal of 
love. 

^^My life for the last ten years has been a corrupt 
one. I have been the slave of money, and you 
know what else. I have told you all of my life; 
you know it by heart, no doubt. I love* you. My 
passion for you is limitless. I would rather fall 
dead at your feet than see you the wife of another 
man! My love is deep enough to last till eternity 
— my life has been a perpetual lie. Help me to 
make it a living truth. Love me always; won^t 
you?^^ 

She released herself, and began disrobing. She 
put on a loose-fitting gown of crimson silk trimmed 
with old lace, and then she arranged her hair. 
This done, she came over and sat down beside me. 


92 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


^^Darling/^ she said, fear I am doing very 
wrong! Why should we not have married se- 
cretly? Then I would now be assured in my con- 
duct. I have no one to advise me. My mother 
died years ago. I have loved but two persons in 
the world — ^you and my mother. I trust you fully. 
You told me you would marry me, and I love you 
so much, I do what you ask me. Memory of your 
love inspires me. I sing to some one now, wher- 
ever I am. I never want to be long away from you, 
for you are my life, my happiness. I must be a 
part of your existence!’^ 

At noon I would see the woman of my choice — 
simple in her girlish world, but strong in her wom- 
anhood. I was sure all obstacles to my entire pos- 
session of her heart had been removed by the firm 
promise of Maxwell Harold. 

As I walked down from the Capitol Hotel the 
dead leaves fluttered and fell around me. I turned 
my solemn eyes to the blue sky, and thought: 
There can be no expiation of wrong till death. 
There is no real shame until death. Sweet vision 
of the soul of my Nellie — what if it should be 
separated from me then? Surely you are so good 
and innocent and beautiful, I so wicked, cruel and 
deceitful. There is in you an exhaustless spring 
of graces, an ever-gushing fountain of delight. You 
are an open casket of most precious pearls, and in 


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93 


your slightest movements^ in your most forgetful 
gestures, in your most unstudied attitudes, you 
every moment throw away with royal profusion in- 
estimable treasures of beauty. If your graceful 
contour and waving lines could be preserved in a 
mirror, the glass before which you had posed would 
cause EaphaeFs divinest canvases to be despised 
and looked upon as tavern signboards. 

My own thoughts summoned better spirits, and 
I struck up a tune of the laity. I walked into 
Judge Oakley’s house with perfect assurance of 
a welcome. N'ellie Land greeted me cordially, but 
did not kiss me. I had thought that one of her 
habits. I reminded her of this neglected custom; 
I thought the reminder not relished. There was a 
richness in her voice, a quality in her utterance I 
had not observed before. I thought her a little 
grave, but I did not wish to entertain any idea of 
unrequited love. I was a bit egotistical, and to 
fear would have hurt not only my vanity, but my 
heart. I was always so happy in her company as 
to be almost impractical. I dreamed of her, and 
her form was that of a vision. I would not believe 
I could be so happy. 

Notwithstanding my confidence, I left her with 
a strong foreboding at my heart that wrought 
against my peace and happiness. There is an in- 
definable communication between hearts, written 
in unseen letters. A pale fog and drizzling rain 


94 


THE CONFESSIONS 


attended me. The dead leaves gathered in the 
sweeping wings of the gusty blast. My past, com- 
pared to this child of love, hurled its infinite 
wretchedness down into my soul. I should have 
uttered a cry but for the somber night and the 
chilling winds. They seemed to mock my grief 
as they laughed at my happiness. 


CHAPTER XVI. 


A SECRET JOURNEY. 

I kept this matter of Lucy Trimble’s so carefully 
that no one suspected the truths and I was com- 
pelled to take no one into my confidence. I se- 
lected as the place a cottage in Bath County, occu- 
pied only by a widowed mother and her son. It was 
a disastrous business, but the life I was living 
seemed to have banished conscience. Yet that 
prompt accuser always lay somewhere in wait, ever 
ready to remind me of the rapidly decaying man I 
was fostering for ^^the unknown country.” 

We got down at a quiet little station which I 
will not name, where we were met by a young man, 
and were driven to the cottage. We were supposed 
to have been secretly married. The matron re- 
ceived us cordially, and had prepared a clever coun- 
try supper. She belonged to the commoner class 
of people, but was good-natured and generous and 
laughed at the romance of it all. 

At one o’clock I hurried to the train and re- 
turned to Lexington. 


CHAPTER XVII. 


THE LOBBY IN KENTUCKY. 

The Tennessee legislature had adjourned. 

The General Assembly of Kentucky had been in 
session two weeks. The people had called a Con- 
stitutional Convention to sit in Frankfort. Max- 
well Harold had employed every effort to secure the 
calling of the convention. He believed it to be nec- 
essary in order to remove the influence of corporate 
power from the legislature. He would secure to the 
people rights that had long been dissipated. He 
would protect the suffrage of labor by giving it a 
free and unrestrained right to deposit its vote. 
He would aim destruction at landlordism and cor- 
ruption everywhere. He declared that legislators 
sold their virtue and official trust without shame. 
These and many more reasons justified the con- 
vention. 

At the last session of the Kentucky legislature he 
had secured the passage of a bill providing for a 
Railroad Commission. Naturally the corporations 
and the corruptionists were opposed to it. Natur- 
ally they were willing to pay liberally to secure a 
repeal of that law. 

When I arrived at Lexington from Bath County 

96 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


97 


this telegram was handed to me by the clerk of the 
Phoenix: 

“Louisville, Ky., Nov. 28tli, 189 — . — Hon. Clayton Le- 
mars, Le:?^ington, Ky. : Come to Frankfort at once. Your 
services needed. Basil DeGourcy.“ 

I took the west-bound express, and reached 
Frankfort in due time. I went to the Capitol Ho- 
tel, where I saw a throng of leading railroad men 
mingling with the people’s representatives. It was 
not a new sight to me. I registered, and turned to 
go to my room, but was surrounded by a few gentle- 
men, who persisted in introducing me to members 
of the House and Senate. I was pointed out as the 
god of the Tennessee Democracy; the young ex- 
Speaker, and the famous lawyer of Columbia. It 
was believed I held the key to the control of the 
Kentucky legislature. I met a number of railroad 
men in the ^^East room” of the Capitol Hotel. I 
thought I could insure the passage of the bill for 
$10,000 — a modest sum. It was thought there 
would be a little trouble in passing it in the Senate, 
and the Governor was known to be hostile to the 
statute creating the commission. 

Champagne flowed freely; the best cigars were 
at the service of the state-loving solons. I was the 
guest of the evening, and members were brought 
forth to be seduced. I proceeded to regale them 
with stories — bits of Washington high life. They 
had procured musical talent, which discoursed, of 


98 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


course, nothing but patriotic airs. Anything less 
would have been shockingly repulsive to the Ken- 
tucky statesmen. We had a delightful night of 
it. Eepresentatives were coming and going until 
three o^clock in the morning, when we wound up 
the night^s seance with a grand dance and a free- 
for-all game of poker, in which the stakes were 
high enough. 

The repealing act seemed to be getting on its 
legs again, and its good fortune was everywhere 
recognized. The name of Maxwell Harold was 
whispered about the cloak-rooms and hotels. He 
was the man of the hour. The atmosphere was 
electrical with expectation. He must be got out 
of the city on some ruse or other. If he should 
remain, it was believed his great powers of denun- 
ciation would be brought to bear, and anything 
might be expected afterward. He would be sure 
to make a great speech, and the farmer element in 
the House had confidence in him, and would follow 
his lead. All of these facts were detailed to me as 
I whiled away an hour or more after breakfast. 

A statement was handed, to me showing the 
members counted on, their names and their coun- 
ties. I could blanch the cheeks of some of Ken- 
tucky's leading citizens did I choose to give the 
names of these political renegades. The purpose 
of this narrative does not require an expose of the 
reprobates. Thirty-eight members could be count- 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN ^ 99 

ed positively^ because they were the representa- 
tives of the corporations^ elected to protect their 
interests. They were denominated the ^^Old 
Guard.^^ 

Nine members had* been bought outright. Look 
on this itemized account: 

John M. Blanks $1,500. 

B. F. Tell, $1,300. 

D. L. Mase, $1,200, and a life pass. 

D. M. Yonkers, $1,100, and a life pass. 

Philip Duvall, $1,700. 

H. S. Henry, $1,950. 

J. P. Langsley, $3,000. 

Thos. E. Eue, a night with Miss , procured 

by the Sergeant at Arms of the House, who paid 
Miss $1,000 and retained $1,000 as his com- 
mission. (Miss has since invested the pro- 

ceeds in a cottage in ^^South Frankfort.^^) 

These are the exact figures, though I have 
changed the names so as to spare the families of 
the ^^gentlemen.^^ I handed this statement back 
to Vice-President Stalls, remarking that they were 
a cheap lot of cuckoos. He was to be compli- 
mented on his bargain. He jocularly rejoined 
that he had been once in the cattle commission 
business and understood something about the 
proper side of a deal for live animals. 

I told a few gentlemen present there was a moral 
force engaged in this struggle that was stronger 


100 


THE CONFESSIONS 


than the individual votes of members. It was 
centered in Maxwell Harold. All eyes looked to 
him. 

he quits/^ said I, ^^the opposition dies. Per- 
mit him to face the Speaker Wednesday and the 
bill is doomed. Such, gentlemen, is the power of 
truth and justice in the hands of a powerful orator 
and skilled parliamentarian. I have the key to 
the situation. Here is my card. Dispatch a mes- 
senger to his hotel.'^^ 

There were already telegrams in my possession 
asking him to go to Washington. I had provided 
for that. 

I recounted my service to him in Tennessee, and 
he finally agreed to go if he could get the verbal 
promise that the bill would not be considered dur- 
ing his absence. He was delayed on the last day 
and the bill was called up and passed. His sudden 
absence from the city demoralized the opposition. 
Pandemonium reigned. I was the master of the 
situation. I had never failed. I should not fail 
in this. I had fulfilled my contract and w’as lion- 
ized by my employers. 


CHAPTER XVIII. 


AN EXPOSURE. 

To my disappointment I had not an hour in 
which to see Nellie. The hill would go to the 
Senate. I must stay until it had been submitted to 
the Governor. Maxwell Harold had returned. 
The bill would easily pass the Senate. I was told 
many strangers were in the city. There were five 
supposed representatives of foreign corporations 
who were acting as spies for the enemies of the bill. 
They pretended to communicate to us all that was 
going on at the other side. They of course knew 
what was being done on our side — the price paid 
members^ and who they were. Senator Clayton of 
Bourbon was actively fighting the bill in the Sen- 
ate, but he was beaten, and every one knew it. I 
went to the Senate chamber on Tuesday. The bill 
would come to a vote. The four spies were in the 
lobby. Railroad men throughout the State were 
there, and impatient for the roll-call. Senators 
had spoken on both sides with great vehemence 
and truth, but I watched the rugged features of 
Senator Clayton. They twitched now and then 
nervously, and the steel-gray eyes shone with bril- 
liancy. He was quiet. Indeed he seemed cold 
and passive. 


101 


102 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


The clerk is about to call the roll! Clayton rises 
and addresses the chair! 

^^Mr. President^ I rise to a question of personal 
privilege. I move that the Sergeant at Arms close 
the Senate chamber doors, and the Chair appoint 
a committee to investigate the lobby. I shall, sirs, 
vote against the passage of this bill, but I declare 
the honor of Kentucky is at stake. I do not care 
to sit here under the surveillance of detectives. 
The people have no right to treat their represent- 
atives to such outbursts of suspicion. Let us first 
of all things be respected. And in order that we 
may be so, let us begin by respecting ourselves.^^ 

A committee was appointed, for every friend 
of the repealing act heartily indorsed Senator 
Clayton’s opinion. The committee was com- 
posed of three, and he was, of course, made 
chairman. What a shrewd move! What cour- 
ageous warfare! I started to leave, but was not 
permitted. The doors were locked, and while the 
amiable Sergeant was sorry, he invited me to re- 
main. 

The committee investigates. The chairman be- 
gins his questions. 

Detective J oyce takes the stand. He testifies. 

Questioned by Senator Clayton of Bourbon 
County. 

Q. ^^Who employed you to come here, Mr. 
Joyce?” 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


103 


A. Pinkerton Agency/^ 

Q. you know who employs the agency?’’ 

A. am not certain, but I think the Senator 
from Bourbon does.” 

Corrupt Senators realized they were tricked. 
They turned in their seats and craned their necks, 
looking stupefied at each other. 

Q. ^^What were your orders?” 

A. were at the orders of the Senator. We 
discovered everything that passed in the caucus 
of the lobbyists and reported to him.” 

Q. ^^What was the nature of your discoveries?” 

A. ^^My assistants and myself found that thir- 
teen Senators had been approached. Nine of them 
were bargained with, and three declined — ^two be- 
cause the consideration was insufficient and one 
because he was pledged to sustain the Railroad 
Commission.” 

Q. ^^Can you state what the consideration was?” 

A. ^Tersonally only as to six. The prices 
ranged from $1,000 to $3,000.” 

Q. ^^Did you see the money paid?” 

A. ^Tn two instances only. One of the gentle-, 
men was later made drunk, and lost in a game of 
poker most of the sum paid him. In a few in- 
stances checks were given. One of my assistants 
saw the balance of the deals consummated. His 
name is Mr. George Cameron.” 


104 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


Q. ^^Have you a list of the Senators engaged in 
this transaction?^^ 

A. ^^Yes, sir. Would the Senator like for me to 
read them?^^ 

There was a dead silence pervading the chamber. 
The Senators referred to were as white as marble. 
I gave a sigh of relief that I had been spared, but 
I was disappointed. 

' do not care for the names, Mr. Joyce,^^ said 
Senator Clayton. Then he added: ^^Can you say 
who is at the head of this lobby, and the names 
of those composing it? Tell the committee, if you 
can.^^ 

A. ^^Mr. Clayton Lemars, a prominent attorney 
of Columbia, Tenn., I should judge is managing 
it. Mr. Basil DeCourcy of Louisville, Ky.; Vice- 
President Stalls of the Ellenden railroad and Mr. 
G. M. Simrills of Newport, Ky., are the prin- 
cipals.^^ 

Mr. J oyce was dismissed, and Mr. Clayton 
turned and consulted with his conferees on the 
committee, then wrote the committee's report. 
The report, when completed, was read to the Sen- 
ate, which immediately went into session, and, 
after making the bill and report a snecial order 
for the following day, adjourned. 

The news spread like wildfire. Members and 
spectators stood in groups, talking about the sen- 
sation. The afternoon train carried away all the 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


105 


Senators and Eepresentatives who were engaged in 
the compromising affair. We had a called meet- 
ing at the hotel, and decided unanimously that 
the repeal bill was done for. We decided to make 
a night of it, and adjourned for the purpose. I 
went eagerly for a Times and Post, expecting to 
see in burning, glowing headlines an account of 
the master plot of Senator Clayton, and possibly 
my own likeness as the chief lobbyist, but there 
was not a line. The press was securely muzzled. 
The railroad people had protected their friends. 


CHAPTER XIX. 


A SACRIFICE COMPLETED. 

But the following day was ^^Black Friday’^ for 
us. Senator Clayton, in speaking on the report of 
the investigating committee, mentioned me by 
name. He was far from complimentary. It was 
impossible to keep it all out of the papers. The 
published references were not especially severe, 
because they were not especially accurate. But 
there was enough. 

I had not attended the session, though I had not 
run from the city, as had a score of elected and 
Bwom legislators. 

I thought my honor was questioned, and con- 
cluded to provoke Clayton to a difficulty. I sent 
my card to his room, and he invited me to come up, 
which I declined to do. We met, however, the fol- 
lowing afternoon, in the parlor of the Capitol 
Hotel. He was looking intently out of the win- 
dow when I entered — this sturdy, honest, faithful 
friend of the masses. With a grave and solemn 
air he approached me, and held out his hand. 

^^You have a complaint against me, I believe?^’ 

All the insults I had made up my mind to ex- 
press vanished as soon as I looked on his sincere, 
manly countenance. I replied: 

106 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


107 


^^You chose the other day in the Senate to make 
me the subject of a remark. Your allusions were 
unjust — utterly so. I am a private citizen^ and you 
cannot regard it to your credit as a gentleman to 
take this advantage of a man socially your equal.^^ 
He pressed his hands awkwardly together and 
replied: 

have had the honor to serve the people in but 
few capacities^ I know, and am not therefore 
schooled in the phrases of courtesy, but I am sure 
I would not consciously do injustice to any man. 
I beg you to listen to what I am about to say.” 
am all attention, sir,” I replied, 
am attached to all that is really great and 
true in man; but, sir, the cause of the masses — ^that 
cause of justice and equality which so many men 
like you have abandoned — needs all of the firm 
friends it can command. The masses of the Amer- 
ican people would be shocked if they knew the 
crimes committed in their name by the legislative 
bodies of this country. My words irritate you, 
doubtless; but no man understands and knows bet- 
ter what I am saying than do you, schooled as you 
are in all of the varying changes of human life. 
You must know that, instead of making our capi- 
tals the pride of the American people, they are the 
hotbeds of licentiousness, libertinism, fraud, dis- 
honesty and theft. Look about you. Listen. You 
may hear the popping of champagne corks, the 


108 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


clinking of glasses^ enchanting strains of music, 
mingled with ribald mirth and wanton laughter. 

I know, sir, that politics offers advantages to 
a man of your talent. Such a man has his fortune 
to build, his name to protect. He can do it with 
wealth. Honest service to the people means pov- 
erty of the blackest and direst kind. The ad- 
vocacy of just measures, opposition to trusts, cor- 
porations and combines, means defeat and disaster 
to a public servant. 

^^You must know that money can nearly if not 
entirely control, in some form, every Congressional 
district in the United States. You have chosen 
the road to success. You are the pride of your 
people, but you are too manly to confront me with 
the statement that you are the friend of the masses. 
Comfort, ease and happiness are doubtless yours. 
What need that you suffer for the people? It 
would deprive you of these luxuries. Men often 
forget you, and mistake service for injury; and the 
converse is true. What can patriotic people hope 
for when American politics is thus degenerated 
and debased? Nothing. I repeat, sir, nothing! 

^^The old-time luster of the republic can only 
be restored by bathing the nation in blood.^ Yet 
I am neither a socialist nor an anarchist. I know 
our country is in possession of greed, selfishness 
and wealth — ^the avarice of the unjust and the 
justice of the Devil!’^ 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


109 


He paused as if for breath, and his steel-gray 
eyes flashed with the Are of an honest indigna- 
tion. 

“You must have observed/’ he continued, “that 
it cost me more than a thousand dollars from my 
private purse to accomplish what I did the other 
day. I have inherited means. I choose to use 
them in this way. How many men in public life 
are able to do the same thing? And if able, how 
many are willing? How many do you know who 
would have undertaken the task? We were beaten 
until this bold move was made, and when it was 
consummated and the perpetrators exposed to 
view, consternation prevailed in the ranks of the 
bilks friends. If I have personally done you in- 
justice, sir, I offer you now that apology which is 
due from one gentleman to another. But if you 
have come here to ask me to retract language ex- 
pressed toward lobbies, the militia of trusts and 
corporations, I must disappoint you. I said this 
particular lobby was the most insidious, the best 
organized, the most dangerous, ever assembled 
around the halls of a legislative body. I said that 
it had for its head a man capable of doing the peo- 
ple irreparable injury, because he was full of the 
Are of enthusiasm, the blood of energy and the 
power of genius, whose wiles and artifices were un- 
acquainted with defeat, and who in ^addition to 
these great powers possessed the confidence of the 


110 


THE CONFESSIONS 


people. The only way to dissipate his strength, to 
disorganize his power, was to denounce his pur- 
poses and the means he employed to accomplish 
them. This is all I did, sir. This I would do 
again, and, wise and just as you seem to be in 
your treatment of your fellow-man, you can under- 
stand in this no personal offense, but the fairest 
justice to the principles I represent. I hope I have 
the honor to stand corrected in your estimation.’^ 

With an impulse wholly of my better nature, I 
voluntarily took the hand of this tribune of the 
people and said: 

^^our explanation has more than satisfied me. 
It has brought back to me the splendid dreams 
of my youth. It has recalled the promptings of 
my heart, and aroused recollections which time 
and dissipation have not entirely destroyed. The 
die of my existence is cast. I cannot go back. 
The tide has carried me too far. The avenging 
hand of God is with the people. He alone will 
mark out the way and blaze the future with the 
star of Liberty. I must go, sir, and I am consoled 
in remembering that ^politics is a thankless field 
in which a faithful servant receives the oppro- 
brium of the people.^ Mark the prophecy! The 
people will elevate the undeserving by their suf- 
frages, and you will cease, ere you die, as I have 
done young, to believe either in the loyalty or 
justice of the people. I shall say adieu.” 

Bowing politely, I quitted the room. 


CHAPTER XX. 


LAUGHTEK AND TEAES. 

I remained at my Columbia home for some time, 
when I was called to the bedside of Lucy. As the 
train dashed along I observed the many persons 
who got on or off the cars. The study of human 
nature has convinced me of one truth which the 
physiognomy of men reveals to the experienced 
and studious eye. It expresses their virtues and 
their vices. God has imprinted on each creature’s 
face almost ever}i:hing that passes in the heart. 
The tiger and the lion can caress and fondle, but 
the conformation of their heads and the expres- 
sion of their eyes show clearly the vicious spirit of 
the animal. 

It has been said of me that my countenance in 
repose wore the tenderness of a maiden, the pride, 
courage and calmness of a nobleman. I did not 
think of this young woman without a flash of 
sorrow passing over my face, despite my trained 
countenance. I thought of how the people idol- 
ized me, and yet I knew myself to be a cunning 
despot whose path was wet with the tears of mis- 
fortune. I had neither right nor justice on my 
side, but I had success, which in the eyes of our 
present civilization covers a multitude of sins. 

I got down at the station and waited beneath 
the black belt of woodland. It was very dark. 1 
111 


112 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


got into the carriage without a word to the driver. 
The leaves seemed to shiver over my head, al- 
though there was little wind. The clouds began to 
darken, and seemed to advance. A vivid flash of 
light broke across the sky, and illumined the gray 
and purple masses hidden behind the clouds. The 
thunder roared and rolled from mountain to tree- 
top, shaking the solid earth. 

I was careless of the rain. It descended in large 
drops, as if hurled by the hand of an angry deity. 
The driver was about to stop, hut I told him to 
drive on, and with all speed. 

At the door I found myself facing an old man 
with long gray beard and a hooked nose. He was 
the doctor. He told me that Lucy was asleep. 
The child had been horn. I stepped into her room. 
A glimmering light was burning low on the little 
table. I felt this sight was sent by the avenging 
justice of God, so deeply did it impress me with 
the enormity of my crime. 

It were more than useless to ask sympathy for a 
man like me under the circumstances; and I know 
there is none. More than that, I ask none; but if 
man ever repented, surely I did there and then. 

I wrote the following letter to Judge Oakley. 
Under other names his family is well-nigh historic 
in Kentucky. He was a member of the Superior 
Court: 

“Hon. A. B. Oakley, — Dear Sir: Your extraordinary kind- 
ness to me cannot in a lifetime be recompensed. I would do 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


113 


anything in my power to save the name of this young wom- 
an. The mortification and disgrace which would follow the 
announcement of her misfortune would revert like a crime 
on my head. I do not wish to be a criminal. I am here 
known to a good country woman and her son as the husband 
of this girl. This is Saturday night. I will meet you at 
Dawson’s toll-gate a week from next Wednesday. Your wife, 
Judge, is a good woman; but promise me on the honor of a 
gentleman never to mention or reveal even to her anything 
of the antecedents of this child. You will raise him up to 
be a cultivated man and a gentleman, and I pledge the 
fidelity of Clayton Lemars, which is worth something yet, 
the service will be rewarded. Your friend, 

“Clayton Lemars." 

Lucy was pale and sad, but still lovely. When 
she was able to travel, she went first to Hot 
Springs, thence to Atlanta and other parts of the 
South, visiting relatives where her mother thought 
she had been sojourning the previous months. She 
quickly regained her strength, though not her 
former vivacity. 

I went to my home in Columbia to look after 
private interests. Nellie Land, in the meantime, 
had returned to Nashville. I wrote constantly to 
her, and though I should be ashamed to say so, 
man of the world and of wickedness as I am, I 
only really lived from one letter to another. How 
much real joy her letters gave me no man can 
know. What I suffered when I began to gradu- 
ally learn the truth, it is impossible to say. 

But Nellie Land, promised to me, had been won 
again by Maxwell Harold. 


114 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


I walked in my garden at night. I did not 
know who my mother was, had never felt the 
gentle influence of a sister, nor the strong support 
of father or brother. Some flend kept whispering: 

^^It is all over with thee! Thy span of existence 
is about to reach its limit.’^ 

My life — I was not its possessor; but I deter- 
mined to control it. Oh, how I despise myself for 
my cowardice, my meanness and my vanity! If I 
could only bring back the pure, sinless souls which 
I, in my madness and wickedness, deceived, en- 
slaved, seduced, and at last ruined! 

Oh, Nellie, if I had met you earlier in life, and 
you had loved me! If my heart had found you 
when my intellect began to assert itself, how dif- 
ferent it would all be now! I needed a true wom- 
an’s love, with its duties and pleasures, to reward 
me and make me useful to the people. The world 
is wicked and deceitful. Its atmosphere corrupts 
men’s souls and eats away their manhood. 

The day is over, the summer is done, and I am 
alone, as all men are alone, sooner or later. 

Months glided av/ay. Lucy had returned, more 
beautiful, because she was now serene and dignifled. 
She had a past, and its somber testimony was in her 
eyes. There is an imposing dignity in this back- 
ground that commands respect and attention, that 
commands admiration, and sometimes homage. 
She was the pride of society, the much praised 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


115 


beauty of concert and dance. She had promised 
to visit at Judge Oakley’s when she returned from 
the South. How little of the secret did he and his 
estimable wife guess as Lucy fondled and caressed 
the child! The urchin smiled and cooed, and the 
poor girl rained upon him tears that she could not 
keep back. The mighty flood of sentiment and 
sorrow found here its sweet relief. How like the 
man, the idol of her heart, was the child! 

^^Some things,” she said, ^^are worse than death. 
Would it not have been better for me to have died? 
I should hate the father of this child. How I have 
tried to drive him out of my life, and how closely 
he clings to all of the happiness I have ever known! 
So different was he from all men. Though he is 
the author of all my sorrows, still I pray for him, 
and ask God to change his life, and make a better 
man of him. I do this — and more — ^because he is 
the man that Alls my heart — the god I worship.” 


CHAPTEE XXI. 


LOVE AND POLITICS. 

The appearance of any great celebrity in the- 
atrical circles always starts the fine tongues of so- 
ciety to discussing the star, her life, and, above all, 
the number of scandals in which she has figured. 
Eose Arle Chavanne’s career was free from the 
sensations so common in the lives of her profes- 
sional sisters. While she had not been averse to 
the society of men, they knew she had a high re- 
gard for all the social conventionalities. Xot 
even the severest critic doubted her place among 
virtuous women. Indeed, of the leading artists of 
the stage, she was regarded as the strictest moral 
conformist. It was known that she had had sev- 
eral offers of marriage from sources undeniably 
desirable. 

But she was a woman of the strongest nature. 
She believed herself to be a woman of destiny, and 
did not look upon the world as a thing from which 
she must extract all her happiness. To all of 
her admirers she was ever the same — ^kind, quick- 
tempered and lovable, but ever self-controlled. 
Master of her art, impartial to her company, her 
life need never have had a ripple to disturb it, or 
a seared leaf to wither and blacken it. She had 
never indulged the expense of a master, therefore 
116 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


117 


never been a mistress. But she had a pas- 
sion^ and it was a man. With lax morals all about 
her, she had not viewed her submission to me with 
that mortification and shame which usually follows 
a woman whose seduction has been accomplished 
without the conquest of her heart. 

I introduced myself into her apartments at the 
Galt House, as was my custom, stealthily and with- 
out notice. There is a freedom between lovers 
that can never safely exisf between other persons 
without breeding contempt. A woman appreciates 
these surprises by the man she claims as her own. 
Women have little liking for dreamers — particu- 
larly those who dare not put their ideas into prac- 
tice. Therefore, I was dominating when in Made- 
moiselle's presence. This I knew she preferred. 

I never cared for married women who had young 
and virile husbands. I never wished to under- 
stand I must go because another man was coming. 
I did not relish yielding first place to another. 
That I believed a degradation too severe for my 
pride. Closets, cupboards and other hiding-places 
that are the natural machinery for adultery were 
never of service to me. I always attached a bit of 
romance to my amours. I speak in this manner 
because there was poetry and romance in these evil 
days with Mademoiselle. 

Neither of us had had dinner, and so across a 
small table we confessed ourselves as devoutly as 


118 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


if we had been saying grace. She knew as much 
of the world and its gloss as did I, and she had re- 
mained virtuous. She the mistress of so much, 
her sweet surrender to me either pleased my vanity 
or satisfied a longing in my soul, I could not dis- 
cover which. She was so beautiful, radiant and 
happy this evening. Had I been a man of honor 
I should have ceased leading her astray, confessed 
the wickedness of my life and prayed her pardon. 

She told me how she had sung to immense 
houses, of the funny letters she had received from 
men, with fiowers, and compliments. She told me 
this and more, to show me she had not been with- 
out temptation and yet had remained faithful and 
true. 

I went to the theater with Mademoiselle that 
evening and walked behind the scenes. Helen 
knew my step, and met me at the door of her dress- 
ing-stall as affectionately as she had in times past. 
I caressed her like a lover long absent, and gave 
her the warmest assurances that I had thought only 
of her. I expected to return with Mademoiselle 
and open a bottle of claret, yet I promised Helen 
to drink her health, after the opera. She sang 
with immense success. I sat at the left of the stage 
in a box which Mademoiselle had been kind enough 
to reserve for me. I occupied myself the balance 
of the evening recognizing my friend and listen- 
ing to the soul-enchanting music. 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


119 


After the throng had dispersed I got into a 
carriage with Mademoiselle^ and we drove to the 
hotel, where we dined and wined until my watch 
itself had almost retired. I could make up some 
fine excuse, political, of course, to Helen, who was 
stopping at the Louisville. Arriving there, I asked 
the clerk if it were possible to see Miss Helen De- 
mays at this hour, as I had a message from Made- 
moiselle Chavanne. He replied that she had just 
sent down for lemons; he supposed I could see her. 
The bell-boy accompanied me to the door, and I 
put a demonetized coin in his hand, which he 
understood to be a dismissal of his services. 

Helen opened the door and permitted me to 
come in. She had been stretched out on the sofa, 
with a blue silk gauze thrown around her shoul- 
ders, munching a lemon as a boy would munch an 
apple. 

^^Yes, you may come to me,^^ she said reproach- 
fully, ^^since it is late enough for all the world to 
have abandoned you.’^ 

I said, sitting down on the floor and tak- 
ing her beautiful hair in my hand, always come 
to you as soon as I can. Duty performed with 
other people is like an irksome obligation. With 
you as a happiness. I know it is you, Helen, who 
will forgive my faults and believe me just and true 
always. I love to come to you with my weary 
heart and tired mind, because you are as gentle as a 


120 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


dove^ as kind as heaven^ and more beautiful than 
the houris of the East. I love you. I trust you. 
You understand me. You sacrificed all for me, 
and I have not forgotten it. We are faithful to 
each other. I shall give my life to you because 
you have given yours to me. I shall acknowledge 
to the world my love for you, and will honor it in 
marriage. You have been my guardian angel, the 
hope and charm of my tempestuous existence. 
You are lovely, accomphshed. You are the ar- 
biter of my life. If it has any rewards they should 
be yours. Kiss me, and let us be happy 

The Democratic State convention was held at 
Louisville that year. Basil DeCourcy, agent of 
the corporations, had summoned me. And the 
morning following my visit to the queens of song 
I hurried to the kings of corruption. 

At nine o^clock I drove to the office of the chief 
attorney of the Ellanden Eailroad. There were 
already assembled a number of the leading attor- 
neys and representatives of several important cor- 
porations in Kentucky. After a formal recogni- 
tion, I started the ball rolling. 

suppose, gentlemen, we have mutual inter- 
ests to conserve, and we will get down to business 
at once. I will undertake the defeat of Senator 
Clayton for Governor for $10,000, and must have 
cash at my disposal for incidental purposes.^^ 


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121 


The details of the political situation were given 
me at once by Mr. DeCourcy. Then he said: 

^Tirst, we should like to nominate General 
Brown. We have supported him for a number of 
years and he is willing to do anything reasonable 
in our interests. Neither he nor Dr. Clancy will 
be strong in the race. Second, we wish by all 
means to defeat Senator Clayton, who, as you 
know, has been the foe of our interests since he has 
been in public life. We are willing to make any 
sacrifice to this end. Third, if we cannot nomi- 
nate General Brown we wish to nominate the Hon. 
John B. Young, who is really the leading candi- 
date. He is not hostile to corporations. In the 
event we transfer to him our support, we wish to 
procure the right to name the Adjutant-General, 
two of the Revisory Commissioners, the three Rail- 
road Commissioners, the Secretary of State, who 
has direct control of the banks, and the Adjutant- 
General of the militia, in case of strikes. Young 
must not espouse the new Constitution now sub- 
mitted to the people. What is your opinion of 
accomplishing the task?^^ 

Mr. DeCourcy settled back in his chair, as if 
conscious of having demanded little. 

^^Gentlemen,^^ I replied, can, of course, have 
no opinion about the matter. But I want you to 
have two committees appointed from among your 
number, composed of three members each. One 


122 


THE CONFESSIONS 


committee shall confer with the lieutenants of Can- 
didate Brown, the other with the heutenants of Dr. 
Clancy, while I shall confer with those of Senator 
Clayton, and Mr. DeCourcy and myself with those 
of Mr. Young. I will confer with these commit- 
tees at the Louisville Hotel each evening at six 
o^clock. In the meantime, pledge every delegate 
you can control, to he in readiness to transfer his 
sentiments on the shortest notice. Au revoir, gen- 
tlemen; and may success attend you.^^ 


CHAPTER XXII. 


PURCHASE AND SALE. 

While there were hurrying consultations going 
on everywhere, and messengers elbowed their way 
through the crowds of politicians on the streets 
and in front of the hotels and the rotundas, the 
observing stranger would have noticed among this 
number of distinguished-looking Kentuckians a 
young man marked by nature superior to those 
with whom he mingled. Noble of feature, he was 
elegantly and tastefully dressed, and appeared 
youngest of all those assembled. The cares of gov- 
ernment had traced no wrinkles on his brow. His 
air and carriage were lofty and commanding. He 
wore an expression of slight melancholy, but im- 
pressed one as able to withstand a world of sorrow. 
He moved about with grace and elegance, spoke 
with frankness and fluency and always to the point, 
and smiled with a sweetness which indicated a kind 
heart and a cultured mind.** His hands, though 
small, showed strength and character, and the pose 
of his head indicated aristocratic descent and phys- 
ical culture. He combined the qualities of orator, 
gentleman and scholar. His compliments were 
graceful; his manner was always respectful, always 
easy, and he was able to draw distinction between 
123 


124 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


the gentleman of honor and the man of greed. 
With courage, convictions, and an intrepid faith 
in the cause of the people, it was natural he should 
ally his support to Senator Clayton, and it was 
natural, too, that Senator Clayton should select 
him as his parliamentary leader on the floor. 

This was Maxwell Harold. 

I invited him to my room, where we enjoyed a 
bottle of claret, and exchanged reminiscences. 

^^Can Mr. Clayton get the nomination?” I said 
abruptly. 

^^The people of Kentucky have sent a majority 
of the delegates here for him, without doubt, but 
I fear he will not get the nomination. In fact, all 
of the corporate strength in Kentucky has banded 
together to defeat him, and it looks to me now as 
if they will do it. It will take four hundred and 
thirty votes to nominate. Mr. Clayton will finally 
have three hundred and eighty-five as solid as a 
stone wall. There are sixty-eight other votes nom- 
inally for him, but these can, in my judgment, be 
controlled by the Ellanden.” 

He went over the list with me, and finally said: 

^Tf Mr. Clayton tries to balance his strong-box 
with that of the corporations he will do so against 
my advice. These floaters will be carried to Mr. 
Young. When that is done I propose to secure 
the floor by some parliamentary maneuver, and I 
Lwill not get down from it until I have excoriated 


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125 


them for their debauchery before the whole people 
of Kentucky/^ 

A meaning glance shot from his eye, and with 
that dignity and perfect composure for which he 
excelled all men I have ever known in public life 
he preceded me down the corridor without an- 
other word. I hastened a conference of my com- 
mittees, and soon found they were of the opinion 
that General Brown must be dropped. I related 
my experience with Senator Clayton’s lieutenant 
and advised an immediate conference with Mr. 
Young. 

Mr. DeCourcy and myself at once proceeded to 
Mr. Young’s headquarters at the Willard Hotel. 
I had, through his son, notified him to dismiss his 
friends, which he did on some pretext or other. 

John B. Young was a strong, distinguished, 
chivalrous man, about sixty years of age. There 
was no cloud hanging over his past, except that in 
years gone by it was intimated he compromised 
more easily with the Republicans, in the Hayes 
steal, than was becoming in a true-blue Democrat. 
He received us politely and closed the door. Here 
are the exact words of that conference as nearly as 
I recollect them. 

I spoke first: 

^^Mr. Young, we represent interests to be con- 
served in this matter. We have more than a hun- 
dred votes which we can deliver to you, after the 


126 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


first ballot. This number will insure your nomi- 
nation for Governor, and we agree to do it on the 
following conditions: That we shall appoint the 
three Eailroad Commissioners, the Adjutant-Gen- 
eral, the Secretary of State, and two of the three 
commissioners who will revise the laws if the new 
Constitution is adopted at the polls. You must 
not espouse, by word or influence — on or off the 
stump — the new Constitution. We shall endeavor 
to name your friends as far as consistent with the 
interests of those we represent.^^ 

He whirled in his chair and looked keenly at me 
when I had finished. I rendered my countenance 
as cold and impassive as a stone wall. 

^^Do you not, gentlemen,^’ replied he, ^^regard 
these as most extravagant conditions? I have 
promised most of these appointments. You see 
you would embarrass me. Whilst I have great 
ambition to be nominated, I would consider I was 
sacrificing my self-respect to permit you to do 
this.’^ 

^^Mr. Young, I trust you will be reasonable. We 
shall submit a list of these appointments to you. 
You can call a conference of your friends, and, 
should the result of the conference be favorable to 
the proposition, you can have a further conference 
with us. We desire to know at once, as we will 
take part in the organization of the convention. 
If agreeable to you, I appoint three o^clock to-day 


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127 


for such a meeting and in this hotel. You can 
hold yours at two o^clock.^’ 

He rose, and said he would he glad to see us 
again, which we understood to he our dismissal. 

At three o^clock Mr. DeCourcy and myself took 
the elevator for room 19 of the Willard. As we 
stepped out of the elevator Hons. I. A. Spawld and 
H. H. Simpson were walking down the corridor, 
talking excitedly. They were both members of 
the Constitutional Convention, and were slated for 
appointments under Mr. Young. I overheard 
Simpson saying: 

say to you, Spawld, if John B. Young is nomi- 
nated hy the d — d railroads I shall denounce the 
bargain in the open convention.^^ 

^^Suppose,” replied Spawld, ^^he throws his sup- 
port against the Constitution? Did you notice the 
allusion McCoy made when Haden announced the 
committee to confer with General Brown?” 

took in the situation,” observed Simpson. 
told him if this was a similar conference to the one 
he fathered to defeat the passage of the Constitu- 
tion after it had been adopted by sections I wanted 
to get out of smelling distance first.” 

This was all that I could catch before they 
turned the corner; but it was enough to have me 
understand they were the friends of Mr. Young 
and of the Constitution also; and in accepting an 
alternative between the two they were going to 


128 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


stand by the organic law. They had been dis- 
missed from the caucus. 

There were nine sitting members, and one stand- 
ing, of that remnant of a body from which so re- 
cently had departed our friends Spawld and Simp- 
son. The nine arose when we entered — I suppose 
as a recognition of the nominations which I carried 
in my hand. 

presume, gentlemen, you have been in consul- 
tation with Mr. Young, and are prepared to act 
finally for him?^^ said I. 

Mr. Worth McCoy, a member of the Constitu- 
tional Convention, a local attorney for the Ellan- 
den, and the head of this committee, responded: 

^^Yes, sir, whatever we agree to binds Mr. Young. 
We are men of honor.^^ And he swelled his 
august person. 

^^Ah,” I said, a bit ironically in spite of myself, 
^Ve of course waive all questions of honor, since we 
are engaged in such honorable commerce.^^ 

would like to see a list of the appoint- 
ments,^^ said Mr. Gordon. I then handed to Mr. 
McCoy a typewritten sheet of paper which read 
as follows: 

For Secretary of State: Hon. J. H. Haden. 

For Eailroad Commissioners: Hon. E. W. 
Woodford, Hon. Chauncey W. McCoy, Hon. Clem- 
ent C. Poignard. 


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129 


For Revisory Commissioners: Hon. Worth Mc- 
Coy, Hon. J. B. Brent. 

For Adjutant-General: Hpn. Andy Jackson 
Gordon. 

A beam of joy swept over their faces like the 
glow of sunrise on Mt. Holly. By a unanimous 
vote the proposition was agreed to, and they vied 
with each other as to which should ^^set ^em up.^^ 

Mr. DeCourcy said: ^^You see, we are two 
wise men from Eome,^^ and everybody began to 
congratulate everybody else. 

^^Now,’^ said I, turning to them, ^^be kind enough 
to dine with me this evening at Seelbach^s. We 
will regale ourselves with stories of the people, and 
mock the triflings of destiny with wine flt for the 
gods.^^ 

During this little tete-a-tete between myself and 
these mighty scions of more mighty sires, there 
was a lively scene at the headquarters of Mr. 
Young. Mr. Spawld had foreseen our action and 
had accused Mr. Young of duplicity. He was 
armed with the justness of his cause, and Rome 
had only ceased to howl when we called in to pay 
our respects to the ^^nominee for Governor.^^ 

We pledged Mr. Young our most patriotic serv- 
ices from the day of his nomination to his election. 
He thanked us, and we escaped, after promising 
to witness the coronation of these worthies by him 
who would wield the scepter of state. 


130 


THE CONFESSIONS 


At the hour appointed came all of the gentle- 
men invited — and a few more. I had spread at 
the expense of my employers one of the most lux- 
urious tables ever set before man in so short a 
time. 

I note now those present as: Hons. J. H. 
Haden^ E. W. Woodford^ Chauncey W. McCoy, 
Clement C. Poignard, Worth McCoy, Andy Jack- 
son Gordon, John B. Young, Jr., Mulholly Garner, 
Zebulanche Eooney, Pat Welch and George Kem. 

I left these distinguished politicians in a fair 
condition to keep away from their wives, and went 
immediately to a rendezvous I had appointed with 
Mademoiselle at the Galt House. 

Alas! how the oaks fall and weeds grow up in 
their stead! 


CHAPTER XXIII. 


THE QUEEN^S CONFESSION. 

I met Mademoiselle in the main parlor of the 
Galt House. 

^^Eose/^ said I, ^Vhat is the matter with our 
friend Harold? I met him this evening and he 
hardly recognized me.” 

^^You know, dear, I am not the keejyer of your 
friend’s conscience. Politics, I judge, is one of 
his chief amusements just now.” 

^^Xo, that is not the trouble. He wanted to say 
something to me this evening. He does not look 
so when he wants to talk politics.” 

^^You are a sorcerer, I suppose, then, and read 
men’s thoughts,” was her rejoinder. 

am neither a sorcerer nor a Chaldean phi- 
losopher, my little whip; but I am going to say you 
have caused Miss Land to come to Louisville. How 
is that for sorcery?” 

^^My dear,” she said, putting both her arms about 
my neck and sticking out her pretty lips as if to 
defy my anger, ^Vould you care so much if Miss 
Land should come to the city without your knowl- 
edge?” 

should not, but there is some mystery about 

131 


132 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


her visit here just at this time^ and I intend to 
unravel it. It may cost some one trouble!’^ 

^^Ah, you confess to me then that you love this 
Nellie Land; that you adore her, in fact?^^ 

am not writing my confessions this evening; 
and if it may please you, when they are to be made 
about one woman I will not confess them to an- 
other. I will hie me to a priest, or write them in 
a book. I think Miss Land has been decoyed here, 
and you know something of the circumstances.’^ 
She was a shrewd woman, but she believed I had 
some kind of detective system through which I 
kept myself informed about everything going on. 
Would it not bQ better to confess all before me 
and lay her claim to forgiveness on the jealousy 
of a woman? I arose and started to leave the 
room, but she clung to me, and finally admitted 
wLat I had not believed to be true. Helen had 
told me that Mademoiselle was responsible for Nel- 
lie’s presence, but I thought it a clever ruse of 
Helen’s, to sound me, and therefore paid little at- 
tention to the remark. 

I looked at Mademoiselle again, and she had 
tears in her eyes. 

^^Clayton,” she said, thought she wanted a 
place in my company. Mr. Herschel, my manager, 
told me she confided her aspirations to him last 
year. I telegraphed her in Mr. Harold’s name 
that Judge and Mrs. Oakley were here, and it 


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would be convenient for her to come. I purposed 
to then offer her a place in my company. When 
she got here she telephoned him at the Willard, 
and I met them on the steps and invited them to 
my box at the opera. They were both indignant, 
and thought you were responsible for bringing her 
here. I contended with earnestness you could not 
be guilty of such a trick. Fortunately, she is 
asleep, and Judge and Mrs. Oakley have arrived, 
so it will all come around right. Do not blame 
me, dear, for wishing her with me, where I would 
know you never visited her. 

love you with all the passion of my heart. I 
am a woman, and human. You think my love un- 
worthy of you; but I beg you not to try me too far. 
If you have loved, if you love now, you must know 
how to pity me. You will not despise me. You 
will not hate me. If you should cease to love me, 
should cease caressing me and telling me that I fill 
a place in your heart, I would die of despair. 

^^Listen to me. You know that in Washington I 
tried to keep away from you. I tried to hold you 
off. I was afraid of myself. That night at the 
Shoreham, when Speaker Eeed introduced you to 
me, remarking that you were the only man that 
he had ever found irresistible — oh, I saw it, and 
my heart told me it was true. In sheer ‘despera- 
tion, as well as blind wickedness, I determined to 
follow. I had not tasted of perfect happiness. 


134 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


determined to do so, if I also tasted of the 
bitterness of death. The world told me you would 
destroy my happiness, and bring ruin to my career, 
but you had become the passion of my life. I suf- 
fered much. I did not write to you. I heard of 
you only through the press, but my heart grew mad 
at the thought that you would know other women. 
I went to Nashville. I knew you would be there. 
I would see you, and I would tell you with my 
eyes. I waited. That night! Oh, that night 
when you came to my room! I almost fled at the 
thought. You knocked at the door. I could not 
refuse you. I turned the key, feeling like the 
gambler who recklessly throws the dice, for life or 
death. You touched my lips, put your arms 
around me. I sat in your lap. My face burned, 
my heart — oh, it would not be still! 

^^At last I knew what I had done. My eyes were 
opened. I had eaten of the tree of knowledge. I 
loved you, and you covered my face with kisses. 
You drew me to your heart. How handsome you 
were! You seemed a gallant knight, fit only for 
love. Then you told me you loved me. You told 
me beautifully, and so often. I promised to be 
your wife, and you said some day we would marry. 
I traveled. Your letters came to me often — such 
beautiful, burning words; I remember them all. I 
lived from post to post. I kissed them and put 
them away. Woman of experience and of the 


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135 


world as I am^ I had had no struggles like this. 
Mine was a true woman’s life when I first met you. 
What I did with you I could not help. You told 
me we would marrj^^ and it would then be sanctified. 

^^Thank God I am not a bad wonian. If you are 
not mine it will be an unhappiness that will kill 
me. You can make me happy, and it will be ours 
till eternity. Nothing can take it from us. Sor- 
row can never press her pale lips to mine. I have 
doubted you. Was it wrong? Then was my bit- 
terest sorrow and deepest pain. I am telling you 
my own suffering heart’s misery. Your voice is to 
me a lover’s voice. In its tone I see confidence 
and tenderness that will set at rest my troubled 
heart. Tell me again that you love me, and will 
never love another! She who asks it asks no 
greater happiness than to consecrate her life to 
you.” 

My heart softened during this tearful and pas- 
sionate appeal. She had thrown her whole nature 
into the confession. She cast all at my feet with 
the grace of an absolutely charming woman. I 
was guilty. But I told her how devoted I would 
be to her; how constant had always been my love. 


CHAPTEE XXIV. 


SOME REMARKS ABOUT WOMEN. 

The following afternoon I sought Helen, from 
whom I expected to learn all about these little so- 
cial intrigues. The reader must have understood 
that I relied more on Helen than I chose to admit. 
Her companionship was not only agreeable, but 
she was invaluable. Tried hard by the world, 
seared somewhat by the varying changes of for- 
tune, she had discovered the inconstancy of man’s 
character, and knew the best way to control him 
was to please him. She humored my fancies, those 
even that I had for other women; and in this way 
drew from me my confidence — and, it may be, my 
affection. 

She told me it was Mademoiselle’s intention to 
bring Xellie Land to the city, place her in an 
awkward position with either her manager or Max- 
well Harold, then bring my attention to it. Made- 
moiselle thought in this way to destroy the abso- 
lute worship I bestowed on Nellie. She knew that 
so far as virtue was concerned I was already a 
skeptic, and all that was necessary to shatter my 
love for Nellie Land was to compromise her. 

Luckily, she did not understand me. Nellie 
was the holiday of my life. I could not give her 
up. It was she who could bring back the laughter 
of my boyhood — ^full, broad and innocent. It was 
she who could by a smile recall my sense of honor 
136 


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137 


and the happiness I thought had vanished forever 
and forever. My future was certain of failures 
without her. It would become a tragedy. I 
should have no past to live in, and the present 
would be a reproach. 

In life I had played for high stakes, very fast 
and withal wickedly, and had lost. True, flowers 
were everywhere strewn in my pathway, but I had 
no eyes for those who cast them there. I had been, 
and was, living a lie. Here came my savior in 
the form of a flower of womanhood; the star that 
was to lead me away from the darkness; she who 
could smile and see rise up a man. 

I had lost my faith in the purity of womanhood, 
but she had revived it. She had convinced me 
there was and is a God, and that this world of ma- 
terial things, which we call Nature, is His sublime 
creation. She had taught me that I had a heart, 
and that it was capable of love — holy, beautiful, 
eternal. No other woman had taught me this. 
Why should I not believe in her divinity? Strug- 
gles were common to me, and obstacles easy of re- 
moval; and by all the fiends of hell and the men of 
earth she should not be snatched from me! 

The clerk of the hotel handed me a letter. I 
hastily tore it open and read a summons to come 
that day to Judge Oakley’s home. Lucy desired 
to see me. I would have it over. I went imme^ 
diately. 


138 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


The birth of a child always makes a beautiful 
woman more beautiful. It adds a softness to the 
expression of the eye and takes away its wicked- 
ness. You have seen a handsome young woman 
look wicked; that is precisely what childbirth will 
destroy. It adds a dignity to the face that years 
of association and culture can never give. 

Since Lucy Trimble’s sorrow she had not even 
changed her associations, though she had crossed 
that chasm beyond which a woman once going can 
never return. People did not know the mark of 
her history. 

^^Good morning, Clayton,” said she, holding out 
her white hand to me. 

I greeted her cordially, but calmly. 

ask your pardon for interrupting you when 
you were busy, but our mutual friend, Mr. Mar- 
shall Palmer, was here last evening, and he asked 
me something which I deferred. What do you 
guess it was?” 

^^Eligible as he is, accomplished as you are, and 
so much more beautiful than you were, if he asked 
for anything, it must have been for that beautiful 
hand in marriage,” I replied. 

^^Oh, Clayton, you are the same flatterer. But 
do you think I should marry him? He believes 
me to be all that I am not. Would God forgive 
me?” 

^^You have done nothing to require forgiveness, 


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139 


Lucy, dear. I have committed the wrong. You are 
as innocent as ever was woman. Listen to him who 
you think has no heart. Listen to him who has run 
the gantlet, and who has found society a weak 
thing, a mockery! 

^^Society is a matrimonial market-place where 
the prices of men and women fluctuate. There are 
a few men of genius, of passion, of beauty, who 
pass through its boudoirs and salons. They pos- 
sess graceful manners, elegance of person. They 
are cunning conversationalists, who apparently 
have heart; are always pleasing, because they are 
not monotonous. They are pliant and persistent, 
as if they had the passion of love. They are actors 
who smother the conscience and destroy the will. 
They All every requirement of a young woman’s 
heart. They are the seducers of society. 

^^Ah, how many women, Lucy, whose skirts rus- 
tle over the ballroom floors, have on a time been 
nothing more than the mistresses of such men! I 
see them, and know them, although I am no sor- 
cerer. I can say a word that again conjures this 
life up to them. 

^What comparison do you suppose a woman of 
society and intrigue draws between such a man 
and your one-cent, dapper, fair young fashion 
plate, whose recommendation to society is the 
latest style in ties, the correct pronunciation of a 
hundred words — about the vocabulary of a society 


140 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


swell — or a banlT account that by right belongs to 
his fellow-men? He may be a young man who has 
played four years at books, in Harvard or Yale or 
Cornell, and has graduated at football; a spend- 
thrift and wastegate of fortune not altogether his 
own. He affects to be fond of terrapin and cham- 
pagne and to despise his native sandwich and beer. 
He calls himself a gay cavalier. His style of 
beauty is statuesque, picturesque and handsome, 
done up, in yards and yards of soft white tulle, 
and rose pink ribbons, with a tasteful division of 
flowers. 

^^He brings along a high-proof, self-lubricating 
smile which is certain to calm the swollen surges 
of societydom. He gives ^breakfasts,^ and with 
them dyspepsia and heartburn, to all the fortunate 
lilies who attend. His voluminous hair is his 
greatest accomplishment. Society is full of such, 
and they have not force enough for sin. 

^^So, when a real man comes along, he draws a 
woman away from all this froth and nothingness. 
Why? Because he can give her life, intoxicate her 
mind and lead her to such a round of delight as is 
new and fascinating. 

^^Marry Marshall Palmer, Lucy. Try to make 
him happy. He is honorable, young and enthusi- 
astic. He has wealth, and does not make vulgar 
display of it. He will be kind to you, and if he 
cannot fill your life with happiness, he will at 


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141 


least render unto you all things earthly that should 
be yours. 

^^Eemember that there is one tie in life that 
binds us. I shall never be able to atone for my 
crime, but I shall never abandon the boy. I am 
ever yours to command. I know not what may be 
my future. I only hope. Good-by.’^ 

^^Good-by — and — remember — our child !” 

To you, 0 reader! You may be a woman of the 
world and fashion — these are inseparable terms. 
You may not be beautiful enough to have attracted 
a man. You will not believe me, therefore, because 
the temptation has passed you. You have not been 
tried in the crucible. You have not withstood the 
scorching heat and come from it without the smell 
of fire on your garments. It is not to your credit, 
for you were always waiting and looking. The 
animal is predominant in you, and lack of oppor- 
tunity alone has caused you never to display it. 

Remember, then, as you look upon this fair 
woman, this heroine of a tragedy, that it might 
have been your form lying there instead of hers, 
had the right tempter come to you at the right 
time. If you have no charity for her now, if you 
pursue her with scorn, it is a pretty sure sign you 
are safe from falling by her temptation — ^because 
you have probably grown so soured and cross that 
Love could not find you, though he hunted all over 
the world. 


CHAPTEE XXV. 


DENOUNCED IN PUBLIC. 

Hon. James F. Meyer, a corrupt member of the 
Legislature, and attorney for the Ellanden Rail- 
road, a man of ability, pliant and ready of service, 
and brave as a Spartan, we had selected as worthy of 
our trust for temporary and permanent chairman 
of the State convention. 

He was elected, and the convention was organ- 
ized. After the body had heard fervid addresses, 
it adjourned until the next day. At the reassem- 
bling of the convention, the reports of committees 
had been disposed of, and the convention had be- 
come quiet. The clerk commenced to call the roll 
for nominations. 

The Third Congressional District was reached, 
and the Hon. W. M. Eeed mounted the stage, amid 
the cheers of the delegates. He presented in fine 
style the name of Hon. John B. Young. 

The Fourth District was reached, and the name 
of Dr. Clancy was presented. 

A delegate from the Sixth District nominated 
General Brown. 

The Seventh District was reached, and Hon. 
Charles J. Bronston came forward. He asked for 
the consideration of the name of Senator Clayton. 
142 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


143 


With fiery sarcasm, great wit and eloquence he 
reviewed Clayton’s services to the State, to the 
party and to the people; he spoke of the exalted 
purity of his life, his antipathy to the encroach- 
ment of monopoly. These were the services for 
which the masses desired him placed at the head of 
the ticket. 

After the speeches seconding the nominations 
had been concluded the balloting began. 

Senator Clayton led. There was great excite- 
ment. The ballot was announced. The second 
ballot had begun. 

Mr. Meacham withdrew the name of Dr. Clancy. 
General Brown mounted a chair and very grace- 
fully withdrew his own. Hurried consultations 
were going on everywhere. Men ran over each 
other in their eagerness to see delegations. The 
Louisville delegation asked time to retire. So did 
Kenton County. Campbell also followed. Pan- 
demonium reigned. It looked as if trouble was 
imminent. 

^‘^My God, I want to know how much we are to 
get apiece,” roared a red-faced bummer, as he fol- 
lowed his delegation from the consultation. 

^Tf they don’t come to time we’ll raise hell with 
’em,” responded another. 

Campbell County was again called, and she cast 
one-half of her votes for Senator Clayton and one- 
half for Mr. Young. Kenton was called, and amid 


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great applause changed ten of her votes to Mr. 
Young. Then the Louisville districts were called, 
and amid wild hurrahs cast their entire vote for 
Mr. Young. The mountain counties began to 
change, and it was evident Mr. Young was nom- 
inated. The evening papers, were distributed while 
the clerks were computing the votes. 

^^How the Clayton people were betrayed!’^ 

It was told in terms how I had procured Senator 
Clayton’s plans from young Mr. Harold. ^Tt was 
cleverly done over a bottle of claret.” 

A message was received; the clerk read it to 
the convention. It was a message from the Federa- 
tion of Labor, then in session at Memphis. It asked 
the indorsement of bimetallism. Senator Black- 
burn arose back on the stage. Henry Watterson 
whispered to the chairman of the convention. 

Maxwell Harold had seen that Senator Clayton 
was defeated; that his friendship had been violated 
and abused; that the woman he loved had been de- 
coyed to the city. The same perfidious hand, 
thought he, was in it all. He got upon a chair, 
his eye flashing. He looked like an actor in some 
strange play. He addressed the chair. 

The eyes of the whole body were turned to him. 
So striking was he the chairman did not call him to 
order. Women leaned from the boxes to get a view 
of the man who had so quickly by a word attracted 
the vast audience. This one word was in such a 


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manner and tone that the magic spirit had been 
communicated to the whole house. It was the voice 
of the people sounding their protest through the 
lips of her loyal tribune. It was the Orator and 
Judge forcing the despoilers of the temple. Let 
us hear him. He will say something that is new. 

^Never, sirs, has a fouler blaze blown through 
the body of degenerated Democracy. You have here 
stricken down the nominee of the people where 
you flaunt their mottoes. You have patched a 
platform, equal in hypocrisy and cant to that of 
the Republican party, but you have not equaled 
them in cunning and skill. There only lies the 
difference. How long shall the party of the peo- 
ple be subjected to the wishes of greed and selflsh- 
ness? How long shall the iron clutch of monopoly 
wring our necks. How long shall rascals besmirch 
the escutcheon of our country? 

Words have never advanced the cause of free- 
dom or humanity without action. Let us have 
deeds! It is an empty compliment you have flung 
to the people. You have belied the purpose of 
your statements by nominating a man whose cab- 
inet was made up yonder and is already appointed. 

^^Do you ask that a single abuse be redressed? 
No, sir, you do not! The people must wait. Wait! 
That is your motto pronounced to-day. We have 
given our country over to these babbling promises 
for a century. Society is gangrened. Let us cut 


146 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


it out with the steel! The chieftain who reclines 
on a bed of ease and luxury may wait, sir; but 
hunger, misery, and despair — never! They will no 
longer be consoled by your fine phrases and vain 
promises. They cry for relief in their suffering. 
Accursed be your cowardly answer here to-day! 
Your cheap pronunciamentos are nothing. You 
are about to announce to the world a nominee 
whose success was procured by insufferable corrup- 
tion, by bawds of midnight politics, by men, if 
you please, who surrender constitutional rights to 
scoundrels for a mess of pottage! You ask the 
people to support a creature of these corporation 
banditti chiefs who smile as they rob us. You have 
a cabinet of Eailroad Commissioners, whose duty 
it is to stand by the people, named by the corrup- 
tionists as a condition of their support and infiu- 
ence. Should strife come between them and the 
people the militia is at the corruptionists’ com- 
mand. Men are named by them who will frame 
and submit your laws. Your nominee’s mouth is 
forever sealed on the great question before the 
people. 

^^Tell me that you favor a government of the 
people? I tell you it is a fiaunting lie that the 
people will never swallow. Who formed your 
councils? Who made your platform? Who selected 
your standard-bearer? The representatives of the 
people, you say! Never! It was rank hypocrisy 


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and public dishonor. The man who did it sits now 
in this hall and smiles at the dupes he has made of 
you. I say, sirs, that, with cunning, brilliance and 
leadership unsurpassed in the history of this 
country, that veritable genius, playing a game of 
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, for a cash consideration, 
as the agent of the aggregated corporate wealth of 
Kentucky, has named the nominee of this conven- 
tion, and I herald to the world that Clayton 
Lemars, emboldened by power, has placed the iron 
collar of servitude about the neck of the man who 
has just been named as a standard-bearer for the 
people. 

^^Go home!^^ said he, facing around to the audi- 
ence, his fierce white countenance and inexpressi- 
bly savage eyes shining like meteors. ^^But remem- 
ber that the avenging justice of God is only equaled 
by the swift retribution of the people. Both mean 
death to the bargainers of the nation^s honor! Be- 
ware! They will strike with lightning where you 
have struck with treachery. They will avenge 
their dishonor by your ignominious annihilation! 
They see those who ask for bread driven off and 
stoned. Beware! for the muttering thunders por- 
tend the coming storm that will punish dishonor 
in Kentucky.^^ 


CHAPTEE XXVI. 


ON THE FIELD OF HONOK. 

The convention had adjourned until ten o’clock 
a. m. The terrible excoriation of Maxwell Harold 
was the theme of the hour. The papers denounced 
it as the last wail of a demagogue and a partisan. 
Men dared not applaud him, but in the shops, on 
the streets, at the hotels, it was admitted the prick 
was applied in a needy hour. No one had the 
courage to denounce the leaders of his own party, 
and expose the game behind the curtains. Per- 
sonal responsibility was attached to it. There 
would be a personal encounter. 

Amid the gabble of politicians in and around 
the Willard Hotel, Harold stepped from a carriage 
and made his way through the crowd that thronged 
the rotunda. He was fresh from an interview with 
Nellie Land. Spies had told me that. He looked 
the noble that he was. If any one had ever doubted 
his courage a sight of him now would have dis- 
pelled that doubt. His splendid bearing, distin- 
guished air, those flashes of greatness which break 
through from the shade of concealment, that com- 
mand of temper, that rare coolness, that gentility 
and dignity, made him really seem superb. Add to 
such a man the supreme happiness of loving and 

148 


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149 


being loved, and you have a picture rarely realized 
in life. 

I was armed, as I knew Harold to be. The in- 
sult must be avenged. I was the man to do it. 
The crowd at once began to divide, as I walked 
down the steps leading from the dining-room. I 
shall not say what my feelings were at that mo- 
ment. I only recognized my rival — the man who 
was about to deprive me of the pride of my heart. 

^^Mr. Harold,^^ I said, must congratulate you 
on your excellent command of the English lan- 
guage. Your complimentary allusions did me 
much honor, for which I acknowledge myself 
grateful.^^ 

^^Mr. Lemars,^^ replied he, in the firmest and 
most unimpassioned voice, ^fif I am guilty of dis- 
courtesy to you or any one else I still have the con- 
solation of having uttered the truth — to which you 
can take exception at your convenience.^^ 

^^My convenience has been consulted, sir, and is 
now. But permit me to add, had you been as 
eager to denounce me for the usurpation of the 
prated rights of the people as you were for an- 
other cause — a cause you dared not publicly men- 
tion — your conduct would be less reprehensible.’^ 

^^You dare to suggest her name in connection 
wdth your debaucheries? I tell you, you add to the 
accomplishments of a scoundrel those of a coward.” 

I stepped back a pace, drew my pistol and fired 


150 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


before he had time to get his from his pocket. I 
struck him in the left shoulder, and his arm fell. 
We fired simultaneously the next time. My aim 
was more deliberate than his. My bullet broke 
the hammer of his pistol, struck him above the 
right nipple, and ranged around the ribs. I aft- 
erward discovered he shot through my hat. 

At this instant the form of a woman fell on my 
extended arm, and a voice uttered an exclamation 
that reverberated through the whole house. 

^Tn my name!^^ 

It was Nellie Land. Harold had let fall his 
pistol, and we stood glaring at each other, while 
she, pale, tear-stained and terrified, stood between 
us. The crowd began to Jostle us. He, fainting 
from pain and the loss of blood, was carried up- 
stairs. I walked deliberately into the office and 
sat down. 

Strange as it may seem, I had not any real bit- 
terness in my heart against this man. The trouble 
produced great excitement everywhere, and I de- 
termined to hasten to Helen’s room. The next 
morning my friends procured a dismissal of the 
charge against us by paying a breach-of-the-peace 
fine. 

Harold had seen Nellie at the Galt House on 
the morning of the encounter. She had taken a 
carriage to the Louisville, and had arrived before 


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him. She had looked for an encounter, and pro- 
posed to shield him from danger. 

Her strong feeling for him and her effort to 
keep him safe from harm was the ever-recurring 
and painful thought which haunted me. How lit- 
tle did I dread the consequences of the morning’s 
encounter in comparison with this darker catastro- 
phe! I turned involuntarily the pages of my past, 
and divined in this retribution the turning-point in 
my existence. To whom now should I look for 
the reclamation of my former manhood? I de- 
termined to get a carriage, drive to her hotel, and 
break off, of my own will, a contract which por- 
tended such real disaster to me. 

Alas! It was the sting of the serpent of jealousy 
biting deeper and deeper! Happy! Could I be 
happy in the humiliation of a despised love? I, a 
man of spirit, proud, powerful among men, and 
envied, no doubt, by thousands in the world whose 
lot became daily better than my own! You who 
have had misfortune think doubtless of the world’s 
injustice and the helplessness of your state. But 
who is it that does not feel death in the presence of 
a great sorrow? 

I had busied myself with the politics of a great 
nation. I had been the master of legislatures and 
conventions; the confidant of statesmen, the living 
symbol of power — the power of wealth. I remem- 


152 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


bered this past^ but it. was no consolation to me 
now. My decline had commenced. 

I called upon Nellie Land. I knew this chain, 
broken once, would destroy me. Better to begin 
now, I thought. Eeckless as men appear some- 
times, with good environments, there is nothing 
so reckless as a disappointed lover. 

The anger which she had justly possessed toward 
me seemed to vanish from her mind and heart 
when she greeted me and saw my sad, pale face. 

^^Nellie, give me your hand that I may kiss it for 
the first time in real sorrow. I cannot survive the 
loss of your love. I must see you no more. Since 
you will not love me, you must accept my fare- 
wells. They come from a man repentant, yet un- 
willing to repent. You are the only bright ray 
that has fallen full in my life. You are my pas- 
sion. I am about to give you up. I cannot accept 
your friendship. It alone would cause me to lan- 
guish and die. I do not wish to die slowly. I want 
the end to come suddenly. Do not weep. I am 
prepared for the step. I looked at my pistol as I 
rose this morning. It attracted and fascinated me. 
I said to myself, how good and powerful it is! It 
can put an end to this suffering, tired life. It 
can dig a grave for me. It can give me rest and 
oblivion. 

^^Love him whom you think I hate. Place your 
hand on your heart, and tell it to be still. I have 


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153 


no anger — oh, thank heaven! — against him. He 
is honorable, pure and brave. Eeassure yourself. 
I will never impose my love on you, and never soil 
my lips with a kiss poisoned by a single tear of 
regret. Had I valued you less than I do, I should 
remain unchanged, and would have poured out to 
you the insipid beverage to the dregs. Adieu to 
the only sweet virtue of my life.’^ 

I rose, wiped away* her tears, kissed her beautiful 
forehead, and then turned hastily away. 


CHAPTER XXVII. 


CUPID AND PSYCHE. 

It was about one o^clock. The rays of the sun 
were glistening on the marble casing of the rotunda 
of the Hoffman House. Helen and I had arrived 
the evening before. She had already gone to meet 
a friend who could procure a secret marriage. I 
was not ready to announce to all the world that I 
had taken to my bosom a handsome queen of opera, 
and so incur the envy of the young men. I had 
strolled out on the street, and had concluded to 
saunter uptown and view the shop windows. I had 
gone but a few squares when I was touched on the 
shoulder by a man in livery. 

' ^^Madame is next door, shopping, and would be 
glad if you could step in there,^^ said he. 

I turned and saw a handsome brougham, to 
which were hitched two bays. I recognized it to 
be the carriage of Mrs. Blank, who had two years 
before wedded a wealthy New York broker. I 
must credit this woman for being entirely indiffer- 
ent to my advances during her residence in Wash- 
ington. Her beauty, graciousness and splendid 
manner had aroused a strong desire on my part to 
cultivate her, but I had failed signally to get the 
least encouragement. I therefore approached her 
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155 


and took her gloved hand with something like 
dignified respect. I had seen her twice since her 
marriage, and since I had become well known the 
country over, more especially in the circle of her 
husband^s business friends. He was a clubman, a 
rich man, and well known to fame through his pas- 
sion for bonds. At the time of the marriage, there 
was supposed to be very little heart involved in the 
matrimonial deal, especially on the part of the 
wife. She was fond of society and of the world’s 
gayeties, and this matrimonial alliance was con- 
sidered a stepping-stone to her social ambitions. 

She was dressed tastefully and richly, and bore 
herself with such grace as characterizes most wom- 
en of luxury and fashion. I regarded her signifi- 
cantly as we passed the commonplace compliments 
of the day. 

cannot begin to say to you what pleasure it af- 
fords me to see you,” cried Mrs. Blank, cordially. 
^^Your good spirits and health well repay me for 
having my coachman call you back.” 

^^It has not been my fault, you know, that we 
have not met more frequently. I tried often to 
ingratiate myself with you, and you repulsed me as 
often. I did not consider myself a martyr, and 
therefore accepted my cue and withdrew. I once 
dared to tell you that you were provided with the 
finest pair of black eyes in the world, and whose 


156 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


gaze it was difficult to withstand. You treated the 
truth with the utmost disdain.’’ 

^^Then and now are quite different. I was then 
engaged in playing a part. I have now acted it 
out. You will admit that I am entitled to repose 
— or diversion, at least.” 

‘^The amende honorable is due from you, I in- 
sist. I had no cause to ask you to think of me. 
N otwithstanding, 1 thought often — devoutly, pas- 
sionately — of you. You married, and I tried in 
vain to forget.” 

^^You are mistaken. I have thought often of 
you — of your charming manners and graceful com- 
pliments.” 

^^You discussed me then as a business proposi- 
tion?” 

^^No, no. I do not attend these vulgarities. I 
thought of you in a romantic way — as one capable 
of really entertaining a woman. My heart has 
always been free.” 

^^Since that is true, you will permit me to drop 
the accusation. Now I will put you to the test. 
How much are you willing to do to prove those 
assurances? You know my heart is free also, and 
I am stopping at the Hoffman. My time would be 
worth jewels in your hands. In mine it is common 
as clay.” 

^‘You will lunch with me at two o’clock. My 
carriage; and remember — at two!” 


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157 


have considered myself fortunate in getting 
this interview. I shall consider myself most happy 
to eat and drink at your board. Till two o’clock, 
then.” 

She smiled most graciously and I bowed very 
low. For I, who in twenty-four hours would be- 
come a benedict, should smile over a splendid 
spread. She should drink equally as much wine 
as I. She a woman of fashion, I a gentleman of 
leisure — why should we not enjoy each other? I 
had the advantage of most men in affairs like 
this. I did not care how soon I should meet the 
specter on a white horse. I was like a pursued 
criminal who rather prefers death in freedom than 
a life of torture in bonds. I put, therefore, my 
formidable companion in my pocket, and dressed 
for the call. 

^^A carriage at the entrance for Mr. Lemars.” 

I looked at my watch. It marked just two 
o’clock. 

I was landed at the entrance of a great stone 
house, and walked leisurely up the steps as if I 
had been its proprietor. No servant came to pilot 
me to a place of safety. I suppose there was none 
for a gentleman exploiting with another man’s 
property, as I proposed to do. Intoxicated with 
the case, I went on until I encountered Madame in 
a small room that led into a veritable flower-gar- 
den. No sooner had I raised her hand to kiss it 


158 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


than I heard the sharp click of a lock. An in- 
definable shudder ran through my whole frame, 
notwithstanding I had boasted of wanting a chance 
to die. We both paid strict attention to this noise. 
I heard the steps of a man. 

^^Mattie! where are you?^^ called a nervous voice. 

I did not answer. ^^Mattie” was not my name. 

^‘Here I am, dear,^^ replied my hostess. Every- 
thing considered, I thought he came high. He had 
gray hair and a dark mustache. I measured his 
proportions. If he stood pat I proposed to bluff 
him. In the event he called me I depended on 
the trick in my pocket to sweep the board. 

He had a telegram from Senator Goronflo of 
Maryland that the next day they would pass the 
Sugar Bounty bill. The Senator advised buying 
the market’s offerings, counting him a partner to 
the extent of a million. He had left his pass- 
book to his securities on his secretaire. Would she 
get it for him? And what was the carriage doing 
at the door? 

She replied she had been shopping in the morn- 
ing and sent Bascom for some dresses that would 
be ready by two. He kissed her rosy lips, and im- 
mediately left, remarking that she was certain to 
get her summer house in Virginia. I drew my right 
hand from my pocket and sighed a signal of relief. 

^^You might have programmed your entertain- 


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159 


ment/^ I said dryly. She replied that she ^^always 
enjoyed surprising her friends.^^ 

I cannot describe this wonderful house, this 
gilded expression of immense wealth. But it 
seemed a perfect maze of stairways, closets, gilded 
casings, immense velvet and ivory portieres 
trimmed with gold and painted by celebrated art- 
ists. Ceilings were frescoed in luxuriant beauty. 
The statuary was from the greatest studios in the 
world. There were immense mirrors, mammoth 
railings, ornamented here and there with antique 
designs. There were chairs of the most luxuriant 
and costly make, and carpets as soft as the downy 
fur of an Arctic animal. 

We walked to a small room, and about the mid- 
dle of the journey I picked up unobserved a letter 
which ^^he^^ had dropped. 

I fixed a passionate gaze on the beautiful crea- 
ture who seated herself at my side. From time 
to time I raised her hand, as white as alabaster, 
and imprinted on it an earnest and meaning kiss. 
The wine began to tell. She leaned on my arm in 
an amorous fashion. I contemplated her with 
emotion. Leaning toward me as she was, the upper 
part of her bosom was revealed. It was enchant- 
ingly delicate and transparent in tone, while its 
shape was one of marvelous daintiness and con- 
tour. 

What pleasure, I thought, to let my lips wander 


160 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


over this smooth, fine skin, and these curves, which 
seemed to go out to meet the kiss and challenge 
it, this satin fiesh, these undulating and mutually 
involving lines! She was an exhaustless source of 
delicate voluptuousness. 

She wore a gown of brocaded silk, which was 
richly ornamented by the rarest trimmings. Dia- 
monds blazed from her neck, in her hair and on 
her wrists. An Arabian servant attended our wants 
and immediately retired when his service was at an 
end. She told me he was a special and confidential 
one. 

A bright fiush spread over her cheek. Her eyes 
sparkled. She smiled as if some heaven-born 
spring directed her charge. A ray of light caused 
a thousand metallic lusters to play on her silky 
hair, some locks of which had escaped and were 
rolling in ringlets along her plump, round neck, 
relieving its whiteness. We arose and descended to 
a narrow room, most luxuriantly appointed. 

Her easy, supple body modeled itself on mine 
like wax as we dropped together on the satin 
couch. The soft warmth of her body penetrated 
through her garments and mine. A thousand mag- 
netic currents streamed around her. Her whole 
life seemed to have left her. She was languishing, 
expiring, yielding. 

Presently she put her arms about my head and 
clung with her lips to mine in a furious embrace. 


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161 


I felt her rebellious bosom bounding against my 
breast. Her lips enveloped mine. Our breaths 
mingled. I was maddened. I had tasted of the 
world’s delight^ but never had I dreamed so rare 
a cup of happiness. 

Then the angel of sleep composed our tired 
limbs, and, like Cupid and Psyche, wrapped in 
each other’s arms, we lay amid perfume and flow- 
ers, the veritable apostles of sin. 


CHAPTER XXVIII. 


THE REPUBLIC IS DAMNED. 

I was elected to a seat in Congress. I had 
started from Washington and had returned to it. 
I was in constant communication with my friends, 
both before and since my election. I was generally 
recognized among monopolistic classes, at least 
among committees that have in charge the duty of 
looking after their interests, as the leader of their 
friends in the forthcoming Congress. Xo number 
of persons recognized it except these people. Those 
I represented thought me to be all I was not. 

Helen had become my wife, and, though all the 
world had known it, so faithful was she to my ad- 
monition that it must be kept a secret no one 
could have extracted the slightest admission from 
her. She continued on her theatrical tour. I pro- 
ceeded at once to Washington and took up head- 
quarters at the Arlington. 

I was not unknown, for several gentlemen had 
already called at the hotel to congratulate me. An 
early meeting of the leading manufacturers’ agents 
was called at my rooms to decide on the organiza- 
tion of the coming Congress. It was largely Demo- 
cratic, and the leading candidates for Speaker were 

m 


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Mr. Crisp, of Georgia, and Mr. Mills, of Texas. I 
advised that on account of Mr. Mills’ pronounced 
reform views it would he impossible to make any 
terms with him. We held the balance of power, 
and all the candidates regarded the situation in the 
same light. 

Mr. Crisp’s presence was procured at once. 
Being a member of Congress and inclined to sup- 
port him, I submitted the whole plan of organiza- 
tion to him. Mr. Crisp, mindful of my reputation 
as an organizer, attended with interest. The people 
were tired of tariff discussions, and could be easily 
made believe it was a party cry, used for campaign 
purposes. I told him the cause of the people was 
a thin and vapory mist through which any far- 
seeing and alert student of the times could see the 
impossibility of accomplishing any needed legisla- 
tion. He should agree to advance the interests 
of silver in order to get the silver votes. No one 
except he should regard the agreement as binding, 
and he should do so only for the purpose of get- 
ting himself elevated to the Senate. Thus we 
should strike free silver a blow in the House, and 
should cripple tariff reform as well. We could in 
this way placate the Eastern wing of the T)emoc- 
racy and retain the Western members also. We 
would buy off the minor candidates by giving them 
chairmanships of important committtees. This 
was my plan — the plan of the monopolists. 


164 


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Mr. Crisp, being an astute politician, suggested 
this difficulty: 

am from the South, and have not been iden- 
tified with this movement as Mr. Mills has been. 
The difficulty lies in securing my rightful propor- 
tion of the Southern vote. What have you to say 
to this difficulty 

^^What infiuence we cannot secure as stated be- 
fore can be secured by other means.^^ 

^•^To what infiuence do you refer?” asked Mr. 
Crisp. 

^Tn the South there is a vast tenantry whose in- 
debtedness is carried from one year to another by 
the district or supply stores. These supply houses 
are carried by Eastern and Northern furnishers, 
who do business chiefiy in Chicago and New York. 
These wholesale merchants are in turn carried by 
the banks. First the bankers must understand our 
plan to perpetuate the single gold standard. They 
must make demands on their debtors, the mer- 
chants, when the manufacturers or merchants can- 
not be relied on as having a personal interest 
in it themselves. They must make demands of the 
supply houses, who must reach the tenantry. 

^^They must by letter, petition, telegram and 
mass-meeting reach their Congressman and de- 
mand that he shall vote for you. You can leave 
that particular branch of the business to me. Tlie 
balance of our plan as outlined before must be 


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165 


carried out here with the Oongressmen themselves. 
Once all the influences are at work no power on 
earth will keep you out of the Speaker’s chair.” 

During this conversation Mr. Crisp studied me 
closely with his small blue eyes^ and seemed to un- 
derstand the resolution with which I undertook 
affairs like this. So much did I impress him with 
my plan that he confldently relied on me to put 
it in operation. I was his chief adviser^ and a com- 
mittee of his friends was at once called together, to 
whom I submitted the plan. They heartily in- 
dorsed it. 

My point was made. Congress was organized 
against any legitimate reform of the tariff, and 
free silver was crushed. My personal interests 
would he advanced ^^as far as London and farther.” 

After the election, and the accession to power of 
Democracy, the Speakership had been generally 
conceded to Mr. Mills. First, because of his cour- 
ageous and faithful service in Congress; second, 
because of his well-known ability and purity in 
public life. 

It must he understood that this plan of snatch- 
ing a man from obscurity and elevating him to the 
Speakership of the American Congress over the 
avowed representatives of an idea that had swept 
the Republicans out of power, could hardly have 
been carried out at any other period in our history. 
I felt justly proud of my success. I was without 


166 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


a rival in my State, and my public utterances had 
given the people of Tennessee confidence in the 
integrity of my purpose. So well disciplined and 
careful are the monopolists of this country that 
they control every avenue of news going out from 
Washington. No suspicion would ever he cast on 
an ally of monopoly in Congress, while a hold, 
courageous friend of the people would he vilified hy 
the press the country over. 

Crisp was elected Speaker. I was placed third 
on the Ways and Means Committee. A political 
erudite who hailed from the sodded plains of Illi- 
nois was appointed chairman. 

Disgusted with the treachery of the Democratic 
party, the people of Texas elevated Mr. Mills to 
the American Senate, that patchwork club of 
Lords, the short-stops of monopolists, pensioned 
hy the American people for promises they never 
fulfill, and anointed with an oath of office they 
never regard. They play a stage farce in which are 
strangely commingled the elements of inebriated 
courtesy and traditional nothingness. They are 
paid hy monopoly and continued in office during 
bad behavior. What did they care if every star 
were torn from the sky of our political firmament? 
How many thousands following them who had 
sincerely believed in their promises, heart aching , 
and footsore, had chased this hope to the very 
door of poverty! What respect had I for the 


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167 


American people or their rights? And what reason 
had I for respecting them? 

The day arrives. Speaker Crisp is crowned, and 
right well does he wear the diadem. The brilliant 
assemblage of ladies and gentlemen in the gal- 
leries, including many of the diplomatic corps and 
their families, presented a spectacle worthy of bet- 
ter service by the constitutional makers of the 
nation^s laws. Eight well did I think my profes- 
sion chosen as I sat there and measured the delib- 
erations of Congress. It was not possible for men 
devoted to the Eepublic, to liberty and the people, 
to stay the excesses of monopoly. Its iron hand 
had not even a velvet glove to hide its despotic 
grasp. Legislating forever and forever, it made lit- 
tle difference which party was in power. Congress- 
men could reap billions of wealth in a few years. 

This is a day of hypocritical piety and empty 
promises. The extent of the spoliation going on 
in every department of the government in this 
new world is not appreciated by the people. The 
greediest of Eoman Pro-Consuls left something to 
the provinces they wasted. The Norman did* not 
strip the Saxon quite to the bone. The Puritans 
under Cromwell did not quite destroy Ireland. 
Their rapacity was confined to the visible things 
they could see, use and presently handle. They 
could not take what did not exist. But the Ameri- 
can monopolist by some unknown device puts his 


168 


THE CONFESSIONS 


felonious fingers into the purse of posterity. He 
lays a lien on property uncreated, coins the indus- 
try of future generations into cash, and snatches 
the inheritance from children whose fathers are 
unborn. 

Coming from the poor and friendless, I justified 
my career by appealing to necessity; but deep down 
in my heart there was a sentiment, mellowed by 
charity, silvered by disappointment. Looking from 
this mad career to the calm of life as I knew it, 1 
said fn the silence of my own retirement: 

^Tt is too late. The Eepublic is damned 


OHAPTEE XXIX. 


WHEN A WOMAN DIES. 

The letter which I picked up in the splendid 
New York boudoir had on it the plain blue 
printing: 

WASHINGTON, D. C. 

\ 

I opened it at my convenience and found that 
the contents were interesting. There was mo ad- 
dress on the envelope^ and it must have been sent 
with other papers. I omit the name: 

“My Dear Blank: The Secretary will issue in a few 
days a million of four per cent bonds. He is disinclined 
to do so, thinking it best te make a popular loan, but he 
knows when the lines are drawn what is best to be done. 

You can see M and S . I am sure we can get one 

hundred and ten for the bonds. Our friends will take them. 
It must be known that we are only getting one hundred 
and four. This six million must be paid in advance to you 

or Mr. M . I shall expect, as per conversation with you 

and M , two millions in advance as my portion of the 

transaction. The government will, of course, get four above 
par. You must treat this matter with the confidence such 
risky business demands. The government will have to 
issue another hundred millions in four months. Maybe we 
can butter our terrapin on this amount until that time. 

“Sincerely your friend." 

This is an authentic letter. I do not make any 
inferences nor draw any conclusions. The reader 

169 


170 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


may do that along with thousands of other Ameri- 
can people who have neither seen nor heard of this 
epistle. 

The whizzing winds came down Pennsylvania 
Avenue and violently swept out Fourteenth Street 
as if in search of a victim to satisfy their rage. I 
got a star of the Mandolin and Guitar Club, and 
took a number of the fast set to the clubhouse 
owned by the Sugar Trust. When I arrived with 
my friends we found a number of ladies and gen- 
tlemen engaged in a game of draw poker. Others 
were tripping lightly to the music of a noted vio- 
linist. Still others were tossing merrily the golden 
goblets of Bacchus, while not a few were reveling 
and kicking at hats. 

I soon chimed in to this minstrelsy of strange 
noises and added the false hilarity of one whose 
heart, ever sad, restless and wandering, suffered the 
tortures of the damned. Some of the women were 
government employes. Others were loyal to vary- 
ing humors of Cupid, and came by this side-door 
entrance to the deviltry of the nation^s Brocken. 

I was cordially received as a hail fellow who 
could entertain the daughters of our good Mother 
Eve. I regaled the charming women about me 
with raillery and sent intellectual sallies, inter- 
spersed with weird recitations, humorous ditties 
and the thunderous outbursts of a Eichelieu’s 
wrath, flashing about the room until my intoxi- 


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171 


cated brain, like that of Sir John, bethought itself 
of the couch for which the body panted. 

How many unfortunate women were dancing 
about these hell fields of interminable ruin! I felt 
their hot breath on my cheek, the untaught music 
of passion’s song in my ear. 

In the suggested way this did not tempt me. 
Long ago all the blandishments of this coterie had 
lost their charms. I despised the men and pitied 
the women. But it was gay enough. And who paid 
the bills? Some one had to square the account in 
the morning. Congressmen could not do it. Sena- 
tors, depending on their salary alone, would have 
^^gone broke” in a week. Governors, heads of de- 
partments, chief clerks and army officers, all were 
there. Women with drafts against them that they 
had to honor gave all they had. 

But the people paid the bills. I knew the petty 
steals which slipped through now and then — with- 
out justice or warrant, but pledged to the settle- 
ment of a score — ^^One night with the people.” 

That is it! Only the people who played and 
the people who paid were different as darkness 
from daylight. 

In the dawn of the new day I hurried to the 
Southern city which held the woman who held my 
heart in her hand. It is a wonderful thing. I do 
not understand it. I only know that the purest 
woman has some taint of grossness. Had I wooed 


172 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


Nellie Land as I wooed other women I could have 
won her — and lost my last hold on the hope of 
purity. But I gave her the adoration which an- 
cients bestowed on the vestal virgin. 

And Maxwell Harold set her heart on fire by the 
fiame of his human passion. He won her because 
he made her want him. 

While I rode westward I thought of many things. 
And it is proof of the strength of the pure woman 
that at the time I did not realize this essential part. 

In the morning I called, and arranged for a drive 
with Nellie Land, now the wife of Maxwell Harold. 
The city clock had struck three. The fieeting 
clouds overhead now and then darkened an unusu- 
ally bright sky. The seared leaf fell, like those 
strangled in death, to the ground. I feasted my 
eyes on this beautiful girl. I congratulated her on 
her choice of husbands. She was delighted that I 
viewed the matter philosophically. 

Holy friendship, that links together the heart of 
a subject and sovereign in indissoluble bonds, she 
thought, would make me forever her friend. What 
a poor and sickening substitute for love — love such 
as welled in every fiber of my being! 

A remorseful pang shot through my heart, a 
burning tear dropped on my cheek. The altar I 
had raised up in my heart was shattered to atoms. 
A career of false associations and hypocritical 
minds had taught me the value of revenge, and the 


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173 


kind of retribution injustice demanded. I could 
not bear to think of her taken, snatched from me as 
if I had been unclean. 

Courage, the courage of the. thief, the cowardice 
and weakness of the man, ransacked my suffering 
mind for all of the solutions possible. None came. 
At last, frenzied at the thought; dwelling on this 
direful drama of life; acting out a beggarly role of 
hypocrisy and crime, I determined! 

My brain whirled. I saw but one thing. Nellie, 
the pride of my heart, the passion of my life, was 
another’s — and happy and proud of it all! I would 
end it. 

Without a word of warning, as she turned her 
head, pointing to some beautiful lilacs by the road- 
side, I drew my pistol and sent death through that 
happy, sunny brain. She fell almost in my lap 
without a cry or groan. 

I, reckoning on a little more of life, fired once, 
and my left arm fell limp and bleeding at my side. 
I released my right arm from the body of the dead, 
threw my pistol to the ground, grasped the lines. 
The horses ran as if infuriated by the enormity of 
the crime. I checked them by the time they 
reached the city limits, foaming and streaming 
with perspiration. 

I had come to my senses. Crowds followed, and 
several men helped to raise the bleeding form 
of Nellie, now crouched between my knees. I 


174 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


had forgotten my arm. The horses were stopped 
near the Capitol. I attempted to get out of the car- 
riage and fell headlong to the pavement^, hut I 
quickly aroused myself from stupefaction and ex- 
plained that I had been ambushed and shot at, 
with the present results. I had fired three times 
in return, but I thought without effect. My re- 
volver would be found near the encounter. 

One shot, the first, had killed the unfortunate 
young woman. The second had severed an artery 
in my wrist, but that, I assured them, was of no 
consequence. I was taken to the Maxwell Hotel, 
where my wound was dressed. 

They believed me. I had enemies of the treach- 
erous kind that dare not face a foe. More than 
once my life had been threatened — the reasons not 
always creditable to those who tried to hold love 
with powder and lead. It surprised no one that I 
had been made a target. 

Nellie — I did not know where she was taken. 
I only knew she was dead. I forbear to tell the uni- 
versal manifestation of sorrow her death created. 

I loaded my brain with whisky, that I might not 
go into delirium and expose the secret of the mur- 
der. I was a coward. I had the yellow streak 
there after all. I should have destroyed myself. 
All that I can say in justification of not doing so is 
that I was not ready. I sat up until midnight, and 
on my own request was left alone. I went to bed. 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


1^5 


I tried to close my eyes. Seized by a fear, T sprang 
up. I looked about my room everywhere. Every- 
where was silence! Yet somewhere I could see the 
beautiful form, the bleeding face, as if begging for 
the life I had taken. 

What had I done? Had I killed her? I looked 
at my hands. I could see no blood. No, no! It 
was not possible! Silence! Horror! What now? 
Death! The wide-open eyes regarded me fixedly. 
I put on my clothes, walked down stairs and out 
into the open street. 

I stopped in front of the Harold homestead. I 
thought I saw the pale face, so beautiful, so heav- 
enly. I swooned and would have fallen, but I 
caught at the iron fence. A bird darted from a 
pine tree in the yard, and its wings rustling against 
the branches caused me to shudder and my limbs 
to tremble. I fell on my face, shaking nervously 
through and through. I was afraid to move even 
an arm^s length, lest the eyes I had closed would 
open and the mouth shriek aloud the terrible truth. 

I, a murderer? I knew that I had killed her, but 
I could not understand why she should be dead. I 
kneeled down and touched the earth. 

Then I wept aloud, and so returned to the hotel. 

My half-delirium was mistaken for genuine re- 
gret. Hundreds of people called at my hotel the 
folk wing day and expressed their sympathy. I had 
never witnessed such universal sorrow. I watched 


ire 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


it all. I listened through dull stupor to the 
mingled comedy and tragedy of the situation. 
There was this hypocritical mourning train paying 
its tribute, not to me, but to my success. These 
men and women, had I been a struggling Christ, 
would have permitted me to lie on the rack of tor- 
ture. 

Shall there he a judgment? And when? At 
Death! Or shall we he individually judged, and 
punished? Which it may be I cannot know, hut I 
beheve the inexplicable cause of things has justice. 
I verily believe that these people, the vulgar ma- 
jority who rob the soul of its heart and sunlight, 
will be brought up before the resurrected multi- 
tude and will receive a scourging in comparison 
with which that promised by Lucifer will be aS 
nothing. 

All was chaos. Yonder was the brink of hell. 
Here was the silver edge of heaven. I stood upon 
the former. I had everything to regret. I had de- 
stroyed — and forever — the most loyal, the truest 
and the bravest man I had ever known. The pride 
of a home in whom was centered a mother’s and a 
father’s happiness was by my pitiless hand laid 
low. 

Farewell, world of carnage and pillage, false pro- 
fessions and hypocritical teachings! Farewell, 
abode of petty rivalries, in which I have played 
well at the games and have plundered the game- 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


177 


sters! Be cursed! My heart at last will be free. 
Thy walls can inclose me no more. Farewell, 
earth prison, abode of demons, den of tyrants and 
bootlickers! Thy kingdom is hell! Can there be 
other and worse, thou shalt surely inhabit it! 
Without heart, without soul, farewell! I had the 
madness to love like a fool. And now I reap, and 
am crushed by the irresistible hand of destiny. I 
calculate little on the future. Farewell, and for- 
ever! Happiness and peace be her future; hell and 
fury be my sin’s reward! 

Drunken and delirious, I fell on the floor and 
reveled and dreamed and slept. 


CHAPTEE XXIX. 


SINS OF THE FATHEKS. 

Twelve o^clock. One! The bells of the city be- 
gin to toll. The lasf sad rites of the dead must be 
performed. The living would come and drop a 
tear, look at the face, sigh heavily, and pass away, 
traveling the ever invisible road of their destiny. 
It was the body and form of Nellie Land, the face 
of an earthly angel — calm, peaceful, smiling. The 
spirit had gone, wafted, with the undying songs of 
angels, to where she should find the coronet of 
the just. 

Helen, ever faithful and true, earnest, devout 
and loving, had abandoned all else, and had come at 
once to me. She did not suspect the truth, but 
hoped at last to teach me the necessity of her love. 
Foolish, fruitless hope! My gratitude she should 
have; my love — was it not wrapped there in the 
shroud? Soon it would be consigned to the dust, 
to suffer and sorrow no more. 

Ten young ladies in carriages, with fiowers, were 
preceded to the grave by twenty young men, hon- 
orary pallbearers, on foot. Then came the relatives 
and friends. Helen, Corinne Shannile, the god- 
mother of Maxwell Harold, and myself were in a 
carriage together. Not a word was said. Only my, 

178 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 179 


sighs^ that I could not stay^ the quick and irregular 
pulsations of my heart, now and then broke upon 
the death-like silence. I thought I would never 
survive it. 

The journey of sorrow was at last over. I got 
out of the carriage and, without noticing any one, 
not even my companions, I staggered to the grave. 
I could not walk. My brain was clear of stimulant, 
but I was overwhelmed with grief and burdened 
with my crime. I fell almost at the feet of the 
corpse. A strong arm raised me, and I leaned upon 
it. I did not observe it was the arm of the man I 
had tried to kill. I could not bear the sight of her 
face, and therefore turned and walked a few paces 
away, and sat down, gazing on the mournful scene. 

Beside the casket was the tall figure of Maxwell 
Harold, with the drooping head and blanched face 
of profound sorrow. His was a wise mind, a grate- 
ful heart, made heroic by the might of passion. 
Love, now a gloomy transfiguration, should lie in 
the tomb. There remained only the lofty and se- 
rene soul that love had lifted above low emotions 
and vulgar passions. His mind would be free from 
the falsehoods, vanities, hatreds, follies and mis- 
eries of the world; and through the profound work- 
ing of his destiny he would silently and surely make 
his way. 

I looked at the sky, the long streets, the acacias 
all bathed in light, the birds chirping their free 


180 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


songs from the twigs of the trees near by. My eyes 
again settled on him as before^ and I prayed in my 
heart for the giving back of the life I had taken, 
that I might now present it to him. My body was 
sitting, but my soul was kneeling and praying to 
assuage the anguish of his great soul. 

He came and stood by my side. 

^‘Lemars, I have misjudged you. Pardon me; 
and, if for no other reason, for the sake of her we 
both loved, let us be friends.^^ 

A flood of tears burst upon me. I could hardly 
articulate, but I managed to say: 

^^Maxwell Harold, you are a just and noble man. 

I have done you much injury, for which pardon 
me. We had little cause to be enemies. We have 
much reason to be friends.’’ 

He seemed to understand, and almost led me to 
my carriage; and, bowing like one of those great 
characters we rarely see in this world, he bade me 
adieu. Yes, adieu! For he should never see me 
more, and I shall never behold his like again. 

They told me Corinne Shannile desired to see me, 
and I immediately went to the parlor of the 
Maxwell Hotel to meet her. She was alone, and ^ 
I wondered if some new misfortune would come to 
me by this splendid woman. 

She was, I judge, nearing the half-century mark; 
but her waist was yet round, her figure erect, and 
her hair almost dark, Her face was beautiful, but 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


181 


it bore the furrows of sorrow and grief. There 
was a kindred spirit between us. She asked me to 
sit down by her. She had a strange foreboding she 
would never see me again. She possessed a secret; 
it was her duty to relate it to me. 

^^Maxwell Harold^s mother was my half-sister/’ 
she said. ^^Nellie Land was my niece. Your father 
was my half-brother. Nellie, Maxwell and you are 
cousins in blood as well as in misfortune. Destiny 
is over us all, and we must trust in God. The bene- 
diction of my heart is yours, and may you act a 
noble part! I have done my duty. Farewell!” 

The sins of the fathers shall be visited on their 
children, and on their children’s children, even to 
the third and fourth generation. Solemn, weak 
and mournful, I turned to face the future. 


CHAPTEK XXX. 


NEAKING THE ENI>. 

Before me lay a letter from Mademoiselle^ and 
more than a dozen other letters and telegrams were 
unanswered. A week of misery and wretchedness 
had passed. I had not slept. My eye had become 
dull, my speech sharp and discordant. Mademoi- 
selle deserved an answer. I wTote, therefore, as 
follows: 

“Dear Rose: When you read this I shall be but a phan- 
tom. I know I shall not fail. You have been kind enough 
to love me, to consider my existence worth your gentle 
notice. I am indebted to you for many of the happiest 
hours of my life, which will be short henceforth. You 
deserve to be happy. God help you and protect you. I 
suffer horribly. I must soon give up. Lovingly and sin- 
cerely, Clayton.” 

The reader is not expected to be entertained by 
the continual history of my own afiEections; but I 
have concerned myself enough to write this history 
of my unfortunate taking olf and unfortunate be- 
ginning as well. It were, therefore, better not writ- 
ten than to falsify and vary for the capricious and 
romance-loving mind. Helen had returned to the 
company. I addressed her at length: 

“My Darling W’^ife: Forgive the conclusion I had reached 
the night you came to my room in the Louisville Hotel. 
Better to have been dead then than living now. I would 
have left some hearts happy that are doomed to ever- 

182 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


183 


lasting sorrow. I blame only myself. You have done 
more than any other woman on earth would have done. 
God, who views with pity a wretch like me, witnesses 
your devotion. My heart warms to you for the hours I 
have spent in your presence. I was happy then. And, 
Helen dear, though my life has been all wrong and wicked, 
thousands who are high in social life have been worse 
than I. This is no excuse for my past, but it will help 
you to look with charity on the frailties of others, the 
v/eakness of human nature. There are some things I 
cannot explain to you, but you may discover the awful truth 
in the confession which I require to be published after 
my death. You will find the proofs of our marriage. 

•‘You told me you would abandon the stage at the close 
of this season. Forgive me for not asking the reason, but 
I was then overwhelmed with emotions. I think I have 
guessed the truth. I hope the child will be some pleasure to 
you. Teach it to have a high regard for truth, justice and 
honor. Remember, in my life I amassed great wealth, but 
deceived my friends and the people. I am chastised. The 
avenging wrath is upon me. I am about to die. When I 
am gone, think enough of me to visit my grave and plant a 
fiower, the sweetest reminder that there is a God in 
Heaven. The night is dark, dear, and the world seems 
abandoning me. I cannot say that I am ready to die. I do 
not know. I only know that I wish to die. And now, 
sweetheart of my innocent boyhood, wife and companion of 
maturer years, farewell! Good-by~and forever! Sincerely, 

“Clayton.*’ 

I can imagine the reception of the foregoing let- 
ters. Helen most likely sought Mademoiselle, and 
I believe that they together offered their prayers 
and mingled their tears. 

Ah, woman — wonderful creature. To make her 
suffer is to make her love more truly. Love is 


184 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


celestial^ and woman longs to breathe the air of 
Paradise. But no one is happy, no one can be. 
Punishment is everywhere to be seen. You who 
claim to be happy have some sorrow, some anxiety, 
some occasion for pity or for the anger of abused 
justice. We do not see them, for we are taught to 
smile with the world. Our sorrows would be a bur- 
den to other people; and our companionship is only 
agreeable because we jest at fate and make merry 
with friends. 

I am not aiming to impress on the reader that I 
had been a really bad man up to this crime. Nor is 
it my intention to say that there are not those in 
society who are pure and free from vice, nor that 
in the councils of our country there are no men 
who are the sincere servants of the people; but I 
do wish to be understood as drawing from the asso- 
ciations of a life lived rapidly and about through 
all of the varied avenues of the nation that de- 
bauchery exists everywhere with pretense as its ex- 
tenuating grace. I know that scandals are con- 
stantly suppressed to save reputations; that seats 
are bought and sold in our legislative bodies for 
those whose interests are to be conserved and whose 
money is at stake. There is darkness everywhere. 
There is crime unequaled in any age of the world. 
There is obscurity in the deeds, but none in the 
voices. There is no society except for the rich. 
None can there enter unless he have the munitions 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


185 


of war. Occasionally a fascinating genius whom 
they need is brought forth and royally compen- 
sated. 

Now that I am more dead than alive I can say 
that I have no sympathy for the life I have led. 
The more refined and seductive part is concealed. 
The revolting and really vulgar is with greater 
prodigality displayed. I followed it because I 
wanted wealth, and it gave me also power. It was 
the excitement and intoxication of the game that 
attracted me. 

I again say I possessed what few revelers did — a 
combination of those qualities of the man that 
made the heart of the dissipator bound with joy. 
I could add music to the hilarity of the feast, and 
always, like a Don Caesar, played with rapidity, 
and for great stakes. There was a swiftness about 
my exhibitions that these money-bags mistook for 
the prodigalities of genius. They bid for these, and 
bought them. They wanted everything that money 
could get. 

There were the women, too, becoming masculine; 
because, to dominate men and material things, they 
must have aggressiveness, which they believed to 
be success. It is a fantastic bestiality that comes 
high, but must be had. Success is the king. It is 
monstrous to contemplate, but it is the falling from 
the ideal to the real, from the imaginary to the 
commonplace. Civilization is going up into Adam 


186 


THE CONFESSIONS 


again, that it may taste of the forbidden fruit; not 
because the flavor is so good, but because it is for- 
bidden. And, since this is an age of man against 
God — why not? 


CHAPTER XXXI. 


LIBEKTY, FRATEENITY, EQUALITY — AND DEATH. 

The downward path of civilization in which 
the world seems to rejoice is, in my judgment, 
caused by religious fanaticism, political corruption 
and extravagance. The want of the nation is real 
Christianity, economy in private and public aftaii’S 
and incorruptible men. Our civilization is surely 
running down the vulgar lines of venality. 
Our politics and our literature are tending that 
way. We are rapidly bidding adieu to life’s best 
inspirations. Our metropolitan newspapers are 
without character. They seem to thrive by revel- 
ing in the vices and follies of the people. 

The universal pursuit of money is trampling in 
the dirt poetry and patriotism and wearing the 
virtue out of men’s souls. The rights of the peo- 
ple are upon one side; money and ofHces on the 
other. Venal politicians and a subsidized press 
have made this possible. 

The headquarters of the powerful agency 
which thus enslaves us is in London, England. Its 
power is colossal. It controls the British govern- 
ment and the governments of Europe and tramples 
under its feet the rights of laborers and producers. 
It extends its tentacles into every commercial cen- 
ter in the United States. The voice of command 
187 


188 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


from London reaches every banking house in 
America in language that must be obeyed. The 
combination owns and controls press and pulpit. It 
makes and unmakes politicians, and has dictated 
the nomination of every executive since Grant. 
Every political boss looks to it for the sinews of 
war to manipulate conventions and to deny the 
people an honest adjustment of their affairs. It 
administers the offices and dispenses patronage 
solely to perpetuate its interests and maintain its 
power. 

All this the people know. All this they see; and 
yet they sit quietly and indifferently. 

The history of the world does not relate a more 
rapacious, venal and grasping colony of legalized 
thieves than this in America, which for over a 
quarter of a century has controlled the policy of 
our country. What it has cost the people I would 
not undertake to estimate. Beginning at the close 
of the civil war, helping itself greedily from the 
coffers of a people prostrate and groaning under 
inexpressible defeat, it has equaled if not surpassed 
the loss, in land and other property, of that great 
strife. It has besmirched our flag. It has entered 
into and absorbed our society, dumping into our 
social system its dissolute dukes, earls and barons 
from London and the continent. The result is, 
our posterity must suffer with an overabundant 
supply of half-breed nondescripts. 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


189 


I speak not without consideration or knowledge. 
Fifteen years^ service in the great organizations of 
wealth in this country has given me some insight 
into their history. I understand their methods. 
I, often their chief instrument, have made many of 
their tools. Their salons and committee rooms 
are as familiar to me as the green foliage of the 
trees, the singing of the birds, the rippling of the 
rivulets, were to my childhood. The judiciary, the 
executives, the legislatures, the mass-meefings, the 
pulpits and the conventions are under their con- 
trol. They affect a supine indifference to them all, 
but their paid servants, well masked, are every- 
where and always active in their behalf. 

Influences of varied kinds are operated. Per- 
sistent acts of kindness, pecuniary loans in time of 
distress, the guaranty of social position, absolute 
and open purchase, partnership and speculation — 
and a natural and unaffected way of doing them 
all — place a large majority under control. They 
command the people^s representatives everywhere. 

Conkling, the greatest man this generation has 
seen, was incorruptible, and yet he fell by the 
hands of these assassins. They pursued him with 
unwearying energy. He could not be made an in- 
strument. He must therefore be destroyed. He 
was a danger signal that haunted them each day 
of their venal lives. A well-laid social liaison with 
a woman as tempting as the Venus of our imagina- 


190 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


tion presented the opportunity, and Eoscoe Conk- 
ling^s star went out. 

Lesser lights in the history of our country have 
been extinguished in the same way. The days of 
great men are over, because great men have been 
made impossible. The models of valor, the men of 
courage — we are reminded of them only as the 
poets choose to chant their traditions. In their 
place have come slaves, lackeys and sycophants. 
Men deficient in merit, proficient in baseness, du- 
plicity and cowardice, make and construe our laws, 
control our parties, establish our customs, color 
our social existence and administer to our spiritual 
welfare. 

Our pulpits are filled with preachers whose real 
inner life would become hideous in the sight of 
men as it is now liideous in the sight of God. I 
see them and know them. We have traveled the 
same hours of night and hunted the same forests 
for game. The examples, it is true, are not set 
down to our children; hut a few years of worldly 
experience will make them familiar with the de- 
bauchery, lasciviousness, drunkenness and crime 
engaged in by the spiritual guides of the people. 

A recent Attorney-General appointed by the 
President was heralded as the most fitting of the 
year’s selections. Yet it is known that he was edu- 
cated and brought up under the tutelage of Senator 
Brice’s railroad attorneys until he at last became 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


191 


the system’s chief and head in the West. When it 
is known also that he had to deal in his official ca- 
pacity with railroads and trusts in which his 
former employers are interested, may we not truly 
agree that there was singular fitness in the ap- 
pointment? It is modestly asserted also that he 
made only a million of dollars. 

The people sit idly hy and witness these exhibi- 
tions of patriotic fervor. Even a fool may under- 
stand there is something radically wrong in our 
political structure when a large percentage of 
men in the public service amass fortunes on small 
salaries. I have been jeeringly told these things 
are untrue. Have I not myself been in the service 
of the people? I have, it is true, resigned my duties 
on earth now; but I know the evils which confront 
the people and pray that those who survive may 
make a readjustment of the nation’s machinery. 

Is there not some apprehension that the vast 
army of unemployed, continuing to swell, will at 
last become a desperate body of ravagers and pil- 
lagers? What can we then do? Would the militia 
be a secure defense? The soldiers would either 
sicken and sympathize in the sight of so much 
misery and suffering or the people would see in 
the militia the destruction of their liberties, join 
the body of marauders and represent an allied 
force of arms that could spread destruction, ruin 
and bloodshed over our land. 


192 


THE CONFESSIONS OF 


And why not these things come to pass? His- 
tory repeats itself; and history has witnessed the 
Girondists, the Jacobins and at last Les Terreurs, 
who, from the discontent caused by kings, gave the 
world the bloodiest revolution known to man. 

Ten thousand dollars is paid for the flowers dis- 
played at the marriage of a daughter of an ex- 
Secretary in President Cleveland's cabinet. I have 
no doubt a few blocks away there were many men 
who needed even the crumbs her poodle dog would 
spurn to eat. I do not doubt that close by there 
were many Magdalens sighing for a breath of fresh 
air and languishing for one of the old songs they 
heard in childhood, which perchance might 
charm back their poor, blackened, sin-scarred souls 
to the gates of Paradise. I have no doubt there 
were gathered around that table a silent throng 
of bejeweled, perfumed, painted and powdered 
satellites. I have no doubt they quaffed the cost- 
liest vdnes from golden goblets, each sparkling 
drop representing crimson blood, and each grain 
of gold in each glittering cup locked up in its 
hardened embrace a groan of mortal anguish from 
some poor plodding American whose pain and 
sorrow and toil would furnish themes for the keen- 
est jests of the assembled butterflies of society. 

Ho hand, I forewarn, can stay the process of 
revolution once the germ begins to grow and flour- 


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 


193 


ish. It is forming its decrees. It will ultimately 
work them out. ^ 

I have for the moment dreamed something great. 
I have dreamed this country would become free 
again. I have thought some great genius would 
arise, inspired by God, with a scepter of justice, 
and would smite the storm and bring sunshine and 
peace. But it was a dream bom of the fever of 
romance. The people cannot appeal to justice, 
for there is no justice in this land. It follows they 
will appeal to the knife, to the sword, the gibbet. 

Liberty will come this way. 

Equality will come this way — that equality 
which is the abolition of all privileges, transmis- 
sible from father to son, free access to all grades, 
all ranks, all offices; a reward of merit, genius and 
virtue, and not the appanage of a caste. 

Fraternity will come this way — that fraternity 
which breaks down boundaries and frontiers. 

Liberty, fraternity, equality! These words will 
mean much in the future destiny of civilized peo- 
ples, and they will be written on the brow of every 
nation in the world. Timid hearts may have their 
moments of misgiving and terror. The ray which 
lights the human tread will often seem most ready 
to fail, the hand which directs will seem to tremble 
and desert us. I do not know what Christian 
Theseus, guided by the light of Providence, will 
thread the Daedalian labyrinth and face the Mino- 


194 


THE CONFESSIONS 


taur, but he will come in his car of fire, and God 
will hold the reins, and these three words he will 
establish as the creed of our posterity: 

' Liberty — ^Fraternity — Equality! 

The hour is almost at hand. 

Let me put away this long confession, which 
discloses much shame, little honor and universal 
misery and distress. 

My pistol! Let me see. Yes, it lies there! I 
shall owe it a debt of gratitude. I have owed many 
I have never paid. One, two, three seconds, and I 
shall fire. Then as the clock strikes — ^it is strik- 
ing— 

Base earth, adieu forever! I go — I know not 
where! 


THE END. 





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